


Sai's Recovery List

by wraithkid



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Depression, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Other, Platonic Relationships, Recovery, the real ship is Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-18 00:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 49,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13088898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wraithkid/pseuds/wraithkid
Summary: He supposed he should have been sad, or something. He wasn't.





	1. Moving Out, Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> Alright folks I don't know what I'm doing but heck if I'm not doing it anyways  
> enjoy or something i guess

He supposed he was doing well.

He had finally escaped the home of his adoptive father, who though he had passed several months prior, still lingered in his memories. Sure, he had inherited the home when Danzo had passed, being his son, but to be in that home meant to spend every day reminded of his past. 

It had been difficult enough for him after his brother had passed. Now those plaster-lined walls held about as much as Sai himself did. 

He had sold the house. It was probably one of the most freeing things he’d ever done. Sure, he lived alone now. In an empty apartment, alone. But at times that was the best part about it--- it was just as empty as he felt, with no harsh voices or raised fists or shattering dishes in it’s memory. 

He had used the money from the house to buy a small apartment complex, because he figured, if he was going to live in town again he might as well make some money off of it by renting out to other people. It was a popular place to live, after all; there were a lot of restaurants and it was close to the local college and not excessively close to it either, so it wasn’t too noisy.

He supposed not a lot of that mattered to him, personally, as long as he had somewhere to store his supplies, he would sleep outside if he had to. It’s not like it mattered to him if he lived or died.

He probably should have cared more about these kinds of things, really, but all he cared about was, well. He wasn’t really sure what he cared about anymore. The one thing he had cared about had died long ago, and since then he’d found little to focus on. Sure, he was an artist, but even he knew his art held about as much passion as he did. 

Sometimes he wondered if he was even alive.

***

It had been tough, at first. Sai was pretty intelligent, sure, but he didn’t know everything. He hadn’t really ever had to do anything like this before, but he was able to do the repairs to a satisfactory degree by himself, because he passed inspection. Thankfully the previous owners hadn’t left the place too bad off, so it was really just minor things--- redoing the floors and fixing some minor plumbing issues like a leaky faucet and a clogged sink (which smelled awful, it was mostly hair). 

Finding tenants was actually really easy--- due to the location and his easy going policies, the four apartments he had to rent out went quickly. His tenants were all pretty close to his age, which being so close to the college he supposed wasn’t that unusual. What did strike him as a little odd was the actual people.

First, there was that weird punk guy, who was always seemingly trying to hook up with everyone simultaneously. Sai was pretty sure his name had something to do with fish cakes--- who names a kid Naruto? Either way, he was probably the loudest tenant he would ever have—though he supposed that was because he lived right next door to Sai. 

Above them lived three girls, who he was never sure if they were friends or if two were dating or if the two he thought might have been dating were actually mortal enemies. It really didn’t matter to him, but he did kind of wonder how the three of them managed to end up together--- Sakura was a hotheaded athlete, Ino was probably a little more reserved and seemed to think he needed flowers constantly, and Hinata was… well, Sai had some questions about Hinata’s taste in men, but she was a decent enough person. Really quiet. 

The top floor held Neji, who was apparently related to Hinata, though neither seemed too eager to elaborate on the matter, and his best friend Rock Lee, who was some kind of overzealous martial art instructor and got in a lot of “friendly tousles” with Naruto. Sai wasn’t sure he wanted to know the specifics of what the two were _actually_ doing, but he just hoped they cleaned up after.

The last apartment held kind of an enigma of a tenant, and Sai was pretty sure he’d only been there to sign the lease. He occasionally heard Naruto yelling at him through the door, but it never seemed he was home. Everyone seemed to know the guy, but Sai wasn’t so sure why they were all so concerned about his whereabouts--- the man was old enough to do what he wanted, surely. Sai just wished the guy would do something with his hairstyle. Scene hair was so… five years ago, at least.

Sai shrugged, and, hearing the scuffling near his door growing closer went to answer it before they knocked. 

“Oh! Good morning, Sai!” It was Ino, with a bunch of flowers--- her weekly ritual, it seemed, was to bring him a new flower. His apartment was slowly becoming overtaken. Was this her plan? Was she slowly turning his home into her personal garden? “These are just Christmas Cacti, but they bloomed today and I thought they’d really help brighten up the place!” She said, inviting herself in. She looked around a bit before deciding on a spot just above his sink while explaining how to take care of the small plant. 

“Are you… turning this into a garden?”

Ino raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to stop bringing you flowers? I can bring something else, if you prefer--- maybe a nice succulent? Or—“

“It’s really fine, Ino, I’m just,” he stopped, trying to remember why it mattered in the first place, “curious. Why are you doing this?”

“Oh—it’s just, kind of drab in here. I mean, you have all this artwork and everything, but you don’t really have anything to bring it out or anything, so the entire space just kind of feels… dead,” she said, shrugging as she inspected the other plants. “You never said no to any of them and you seem to be taking great care of them, so I just assumed you liked them---- they do bring a little more life to the place, you know.”

Sai blinked. Drab. Was his apartment drab? He looked around. It had a kitchen with a table, with several chairs that never got used, a couch where he sometimes sat to tie his shoes or take naps, a tv he never used, his art supplies. His bedroom held a bed and his clothing, but that was it. He had hung some of his artwork, but he never looked at them after that so he guessed they could easily have been just as drab as---well, as him, he supposed.

He realized now that Ino was asking him something, but he hadn’t been listening. “Sorry--- what?”

“When was the last time you did anything, Sai? You’re paler than paper! Have you even seen the sun before?”

“I go outside sometimes.”

“Ookaay, do you ever do anything other than take the trash out? When was the last time you hung out with anyone? You never have anyone over.”

“I…” he stopped, chewing on his lip. “I don’t really… have anyone to hang out with, so I just… sometimes I go for walks in the park at night.”

“You---you don’t have any friends, Sai?” Ino was clearly crestfallen, but Sai wasn’t sure why it mattered to her. He wasn’t her friend or anything, right?

“Is… that a problem?”

Ino sighed, pressing her fingers to her forehead. “Um, hello, yes that’s a problem! No wonder you’re so depressed all the time, you dolt,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re just as bad as--- no, you’re even worse than Shikamaru. Come on--- you’re going out with us tonight.”

Sai blinked. Depressed? Did he seem sad? He didn’t feel sad. Not that he really… felt anything, he supposed. “Is that… okay?”

“Of course it’s okay, I just invited you--- we’re just going out for dinner and drinks, but everyone’s going,” she said. “Well, everyone except Sasuke, but he never comes to anything anymore, since he started hanging out with those weird older guys.” 

“Weird older guys?”

“Well, yeah--- he started hanging out with this older guy in highschool and then they… I don’t know, I think they broke up, but also the older guy overdosed a while after, but… listen, Sasuke’s had a rough time adapting, he’s not a bad person,” Ino seemed to be getting upset.

“I don’t really need to know,” Sai said, shrugging. “As long as he doesn’t damage the apartment, I don’t really care what he does, I guess--- though I really would hope he doesn’t overdose up there, that would be kind of a mess.”

Ino opened her mouth and closed it a few times, as if lost for words. “Do you feel… _anything_?” She shook her head. “No—sorry that wasn’t what I meant, I meant,----“

“It’s okay, Ino. You aren’t the first to say it.”

“I--- well, anyways, we’ll pick you up around six, okay? It’s just dinner and drinks so you don’t have to dress nice or anything, but maybe… wear something that doesn’t look like you’re going to a funeral?”

Sai nodded as she left. “Do I… look like I’m going to a funeral?”

He was pretty sure he wasn’t dressed nice enough for a funeral.   
****


	2. Formations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spell check keeps changing sai to as and i don't know how to feel

He was pretty sure he’d finally done it.

That was, he had found something in his wardrobe that wasn’t black or grey--- it was a dark navy blue shirt he was pretty sure he’d gotten on accident, having mistaken it for a black one. He never understood why stores always had such bad lighting.   
Shrugging, Sai pulled the shirt out of the abyss of darkness that was his closet, and laid it on his bed. It was only 3:30, so he had quite a lot of time--- maybe just enough to lay down for a—

No! He couldn’t do that. He would _definitely_ oversleep if he did that. 

With a resigned look at his bed, Sai pulled out the only pair of blue jeans. He paused, holding the jeans and looking at the shirt. Could you wear navy blue with denim? Was that okay? Wasn’t there some kind of… fashion law against that?

Sai didn’t know. He started to panic a little--- what _do_ you wear with navy blue? Black was so similar---would it clash? His stomach was starting to form knots—maybe he should just stick to wearing black and grey after all.

Determined not to mess up his first chance at normalcy and friendship, Sai set out to google it--- surely it would help calm his nerves, right?

 

Sai spent an hour lost in fashion blog limbo, and he still wasn’t really sure. He supposed it ultimately didn’t matter, since it wasn’t like anyone would be looking at him that much. People generally didn’t seem to like looking at him for very long—if they did, it was usually just to comment on how absurdly pale he was. 

He shook away the thoughts and pulled a pair of grey skinny jeans out of his closet. He was pretty sure that worked, and he figured at this point he didn’t really have time to fuss with it—he still had to shower, and, after all, it probably didn’t even matter, since Naruto wore orange and black almost everyday anyways.

Sai shuddered at the thought of Naruto’s fashion choices. He had seen some regrettable outfits from that one--- and he just had so many questions. All of them were _Why?_

**

It was 5:58, and Sai was quietly and stiffly sitting on the couch, waiting for the knock on his door. He tried to remember the last time he went out with anyone, but nothing came to mind—when Shin was still around he was a pretty young teen, so they didn’t really ‘go out.’ 

Sai didn’t like to dwell on why they didn’t go out as kids. He didn’t really like to think about why he didn’t ever have friends as a child, either. Some things were just better off left behind.

 

It was 6:03 when the knock came, and Sai let out a deep breath. He had started to accept that they had left without him--- and he wouldn’t have blamed them for it. After all, what Ino said about his apartment rang true for him, too—he was drab and lifeless. No wonder he’d never had any friends.

Remembering himself, Sai checked his pockets—phone, wallet, keys, all of which had been in his pocket for upwards of 30 minutes while he’d sat there--- before timidly opening the door.

“Well, what are you waiting for, you big silly? Let’s go!” Ino said, laughing as she and Sakura pulled him into the hallway. “The gang’s already there waiting for us, so we better get going or they won’t save us any appetizers.”

Sai gulped slightly and nodded, following obediently.

“Are you okay, Sai?” Sakura asked, eyeing him. “She didn’t pressure you into this, right?”

Sai shook his head vigorously, as Ino voiced her displeasure at the suggestion that she would ever do something like that.

“Well, listen—if you need to go early or anything, just let me know and I’ll walk back with you—I have an exam to study for anyways.”

“Oh, uh—thank you, Sakura,” he said, smiling politely. 

“Loosen up—its’ just us. We don’t bite,” Sakura said, patting him roughly on the back. 

“Much,” Ino added, looping her arm with his. “And we always ask first.”

If Ino noticed him stiffen at her touch, she didn’t say anything--- it wasn’t that he minded, per say, he just wasn’t… used to it. It’d been a long time since anyone had set hands on him in a way that wasn’t hostile. In fact, aside from at his father’s funeral, he was pretty sure Shin had been the last person to do so. This was different than the gentle shoulder pats at the funeral though—it didn’t feel like Ino was doing this out of pity for him, as she held his arm while they walked, pointing out different types of flowers that they passed.

Sai glanced at Sakira, who seemed to be enjoying the crisp night air, occasionally going out of her way to step on an especially crispy looking leaf. She didn’t seem to care about Ino holding onto him, but Sai supposed that if they were a couple, Sakura probably wouldn’t have cared--- he wasn’t exactly a threat to a lesbian couple, after all.

“So what’s your favorite flower, Sai?” Ino asked, returning her attention to him.

Sai glanced around. He hadn’t really ever thought about it, he supposed. Realizing he was overthinking it, he blurted out the first flower that came to mind.

“Really? I totally had you pegged for a chrysanthemum person--- but why Chickory? It’s so common--- they grow everywhere!”

He shrugged. “Maybe because they adapt to any environment.”

Ino seemed to accept that answer, agreeing and shrugging before asking Sakura about her upcoming exam. It seemed like both were going into the medical field-- Ino was going into homeopathic medicine while Sakura was studying to be a surgeon. They had a few classes in common, it seemed, since Ino was asking for Sakura’s help studying. 

Sai hadn’t gone to college. He supposed he could, now that he was free from under Danzo’s thumb--- Danzo was always saying that education was the government’s way of controlling and brainwashing him, and Sai hadn’t the access to college funds without Danzo’s financial information anyways. Now, though, he could probably easily apply for student loans and grants if he wanted to, but what would he even study? Art school sounded nice, but what would he do with a degree in art? Danzo had always told him that art was a hobby, not a career, and he wasn’t that good anyways, so who would even buy his work?

“Are you sure you’re okay, Sai?”

Sai might have jumped a little at Sakura’s concerned voice. He had gotten lost in thought again—they were already at the restaurant, and he had just been staring at the door for what was probably far, far too long. 

“I—yeah, sorry, I was trying to remember if I turned off the stove.”

“You cook?” That was Naruto, who was, predictably, already stuffing his face with the appetizers--- much to Sakura’s chagrin, his mouth was also full and he was chewing with his mouth open.

“I--- no, not really. Just enough to survive, I guess.”

“Aw man, all I can make is instant Ramen,” Naruto said.

Somehow, Sai didn’t doubt that. “I could teach you… instant ramen really isn’t something you should live off of.”

“Could you? That’d be great,” Sakura said, smacking Naruto’s hand away from the mozzarella sticks. “I am so sick of him trying to mooch off of us--- Hinata, I know you’re about to say it’s not a problem, but _really,_ it is. “

Hinata bit her lip and looked at her placemat.

Sakura sighed. “Naruto, you are twenty-two years old. You need to learn how to take care of yourself--- I can’t believe you. Seriously?”

While Sakura was lecturing him, Naruto had taken the opportunity to bite the mozzarella stick out of her hand. She groaned and asked why she was even friends with someone so selfish and ill-mannered, to which Naruto laughed and flapped a hand. Across from him, Lee was beginning to lecture Naruto on the importance of respecting women, which would have been better received by a log, in all honesty, as Naruto insisted he was just fooling around.

Sai wondered, looking at the eclectic group, how they’d all become friends in the first place. Naruto was loud and boisterous and had a tendency to rub people the wrong way--- Sakura was strong willed and hot headed, but caring and perceptive, and for the most part seemed like your typical medical student. They didn’t seem like they would be friends at all--- Sakura didn’t seem like the kind to spend time with troublemakers like Naruto, but here she was, spending time with someone who regularly got in bar fights on Wednesday nights.

Sai looked around and realized he didn’t know a lot of the people here--- who were all these people? They had amassed a rather large group, and not all of them were his tenants--- _and there was a dog._

Were dogs even allowed in restaurants? 

“His name is Akumaru. He’s working, but you can pet him, if you like.”

Sai realized he must have been staring. He raised his hand and gently rested it in the dog’s soft fur. Akumaru looked at him as if asking if he’d ever even pet a dog before.

He hadn’t often. Danzo didn’t believe in keeping pets, and also never let Sai pet stranger’s dogs--- so when he had, it had been a stray that he had come across on a walk, and not all of them were very friendly, so he didn’t always get to pet them.

“My name is Kiba. I train dogs, most of which become service dogs--- Akumaru here is a special case though—he senses when my blood sugar goes out of whack.”

Sai nodded, shaking Akumaru’s paw and letting the dog thoroughly sniff his hand. “That’s pretty cool. You’re a useful dog, aren’t you?”

Akumaru sneezed a bit in response, withdrawing his paw and going back to his earlier task of chewing on his paws. Dogs were weird.

“Oh! You probably don’t know anyone--- Sorry, Sai, I really should have introduced you,” Ino said. She pointed at people as she listed them off. “Kiba, Akumaru, Shino, you know Hinata, Rock Lee and Neji, that’s Tenten there, Temari, Shikamaru, Chouji, and well--- everyone, this is Sai, he’s our landlord and he pays our electricity bills out of the kindness of his own heart, god bless him, we probably use enough for a small village.”

The electricity bill was a little higher than he’d originally anticipated, but it wasn’t _that_ high. It’s not like he minded--- their collective rents covered any costs they created anyways. He’d done the math. Danzo had at least made sure Sai was intelligent both practically and academically, even if he wasn’t allowed to go to an actual school. He was really good at fixing things around the house and balancing costs--- Danzo had always said that was why he’d taken Sai in after his parents had died, so that he didn’t have to do that himself. That was what children were for, he’d always told Sai.

Sai didn’t know anything about his parents, really. Danzo said they were dead and therefore irrelevant, especially since Sai couldn’t remember them. He also said that he didn’t have time for Sai to get sentimental about people who ere long gone anyways, so Sai learned not to bring it up. 

*

“So what do you do, Sai? I’ve never seen you around before,” Kiba asked, sliding a scrap of food to his dog. 

“Oh, I was homeschooled and lived on the outskirts of town. I moved here after my father passed--- I was his caretaker, mostly,” he said, shrugging. “I don’t really have a career or anything, aside from being a landlord now, I guess.”

“I’m sorry about your father,” several people around the table chimed in, a reaction that still confused Sai.

“It’s okay,” Sai said. He really wasn’t sure how he was supposed to respond in these kinds of situations.

“Were you close with him? You must have been, to be his caretaker—“

“No, not really.”

“Oh,” was the quiet response.

Realizing he must have seemed callous, Sai popped a small smile. “What are you all studying?”

This seemed to work, as the attention was drawn away from him.

Naruto was studying physical therapy and worked at a gas station part time, but kept saying he wanted to be president some day---Sai wasn’t sure he knew they were very different jobs. Hinata and Neji were training in the medical field as well—Hinata was going for Osteopathic Manipulation, whereas Neji was going into Chiropractic. Sai could tell there was some sort of rivalry between them, but it seemed to be mostly one sided.   
Shikamaru taught English to ninth graders, where he met Temari, who taught physics at the same school. Rock Lee taught little kids martial arts, which Sai knew, and also taught P.E. at the local middle school. Chouji was in Culinary school, having come from a long line of chefs and aspired to take over the family restaurant.   
Shino, who Ino hadn’t introduced, mumbled something about bugs, but Sai couldn’t really understand much of what he said. He also seemed to be sulking, for some reason or other. Tenten’s family owned the weapons shop near where Sai grew up--- Sai had a vague recollection of going to the shop a few times with Danzo and Shin.

Sai was the only person who didn’t seem to have a place or a dream. He wasn’t surprised by this, by any means, but it did make him feel a little more alienated, he supposed. He didn’t know what he expected—he was an outsider intruding on a close-knit group’s outing, of course he would feel like this. He would always feel like he didn’t belong, because, quite frankly, he didn’t belong.

“Hey, Sai, you do a lot of artwork, right?” Ino mentioned, elbowing him gently. “Do you have any pictures on your phone? Temari’s brothers are both artists.”

“Well… Kankuro’s a little… unconventional, but yeah, I guess you could call it art,” Temari said, laughing over her drink. “Gaara is in art school, but I think he should be an art teacher, personally.”

“Where are those two, by the way?”

“Oh, Kankuro had rehearsal at the children’s theatre, and Gaara just… I don’t know. He’s still a little nervous around loud groups, you know.”

“Oh, yeah--- I guess I would be too, after all he’s been through,” Sakura said, rubbing her arms. “Is he doing okay? I know he had a rough time adjusting to civilian life.”

Temari swallowed. “Yeah, he’s… well, you know. You’re never really the same after you go to war. Sometimes it’s like he’s still there--- but he’s been going to therapy and it does seem to be helping.”  
Naruto seemed to perk up at the news. “See, I told you Iruka was the best!”

Temari laughed and nodded in agreement with him. 

“So, anyways, Sai, do you have any pictures?”

He blinked. Oh, right--- he was supposed to have looked on his phone for some pictures that didn’t exist. “Oh, I uh, just recently got a new phone, so I don’t have any pictures on it yet, sorry.”

Ino frowned, but let it go, thankfully. Sai wasn’t really one to take pride in his work, so he didn’t usually take pictures of it, either. He was always too embarrassed to show it to anyone anyways.

“Kankuro is a mortician now, right? Like full fledged and everything?”

“Yeah, he is--- I just wish he would stop calling it human taxidermy.”

Several people cringed, some just chuckled and shook their heads. Apparently that was just like him.

“So, Sai—do you have any siblings?” 

“I… have a brother. He passed when I was 13. Our father didn’t believe in doctors, so we didn’t know until he was dead that he had cancer.” 

“That’s… awful.”

Sai shrugged. “There’s nothing I can really do about it now.”

“I’m sorry, but people like that should be arrested--- no offense, Sai,--- and given a life sentence,” Sakura said, slamming her fist on the table. 

Sai shrugged again. He didn’t disagree. Shin’s cancer could have been treated and even cured, had Danzo taken him to a doctor. Instead, Danzo told him to man up and stop complaining--- even as Shin was dying. Sometimes Sai wondered if Danzo had even liked Shin’s mother. 

“What about your mom, Sai?”

“Oh, she died before I can remember, along with my father. I was adopted, and Shin’s mother died before I was even born,” he said, wiping his hands on his pant leg. They were sweating, he felt a little like he was being interrogated. He really didn’t like being put on the spot like this. 

“Boy, you and Naruto probably have a lot in common, then,” Sakura said, humming lightly. “Sasuke too, if he was ever around. Maybe especially Sasuke, since it was--- well, there’s no proof, but we all more or less know his brother killed his whole family.”

Sai blinked, confused. How was there no proof? That made no sense at all.

“Sasuke’s brother was like… super secret government assassin, we’re pretty sure. Sasuke’s really messed up from it,” Naruto said, sneaking his hand over to steal a few fries from Sai’s plate. Sai pushed the plate towards him, watching in slight disgust and mild wonder as Naruto devoured everything on the plate in one breath--- not seeming to care that Sai had eaten part of the sandwich. “I just wish he would come home, I miss when he would talk to us. Ever since he dated that one old man he’s been so distant.”

Sai vaguely remembered Ino mentioning something about older guys, but she hadn’t really specified how much older. 

“I mean, really, I get that he probably was loaded, but he was like, in his fifties! And he looked like some kind of Marilyn Manson wannabe, I mean, come on,” Naruto said. “Sasuke is way too good for that kind of guy. He’s like, an 11, that guy was maybe a 6 back in the day, and only if you’re into lizards.”

Someone at the table snorted, and Sai had his suspicions that it was Sakura, but he wasn’t so sure. 

“Naruto, you shouldn’t say bad things about the dead,” Hinata chimed in, quietly. 

Naruto’s gaze softened slightly. “Sorry, Hinata, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Hinata blushed slightly, shaking her head. “Oh no it’s okay, Naruto you didn’t upset me, I mean…” 

“Well, I’m beat--- and Shino has to do some weird cricket thing or something, so we’re gonna head out--- see you guys later. Text me when you get home, Hinata,” Kiba said, standing up and stretching. 

“Yeah, we should probably get going soon too--- it is a school night, you know,” Shikamaru said, Temari nodding. Shikamaru patted Chouji on the shoulder and said something about sending his regards to his parents, to which Chouji reciprocated.

Sakura looked over at Sai and shrugged. “We might as well call it a night, I guess. Ino and I both have class in the morning, anyways--- Hinata, are you coming with us, or are you walking home with one of the boys?”

“Oh, um, I guess I’ll walk back with one of the boys, if that’s alright,” she said, blushing. 

Sakura smiled and glanced at Naruto, who was engrossed in a heated arm wrestling match with Neji, with Rock Lee waiting eagerly for his turn while also over zealously narrating the… action. “Alright, Naruto, if you don’t return her in one piece, I will make sure they never find your dick, ya hear?”

Naruto looked over, horrified, and subsequently lost the tournament. “Aw, come on---that was totally unfair, I call for a rematch.”

And suddenly the attention was back on him, as Neji told Naruto he’d won fair and square. “Why don’t you try the newcomer out for size, Naruto?”

Sai didn’t like the sound of that. He really didn’t want to be involved in whatever sausage fest this was turning into--- he looked for help from Sakura, but she just nodded encouragingly. He sighed and agreed. He hadn’t arm wrestled in a long time, because quite frankly, who takes this up as a hobby?

Apparently these three, though Neji seemed to do so begrudgingly. Resigned to his fate, Sai locked hands with Naruto, who was clearly a little too enthusiastic about this, since he was staring holes into Sai’s eyes in what was probably some form of intimidation act. Sai was immune to it, staring back into Naruto’s eyes with the same dead look he always had. 

This must have bothered Naruto, because when Lee gave them the go ahead, Sai forced his hand down without much resistance. Naruto gawked, and demanded best two out of three. Sai complied, only because he was sure he wouldn’t get an option either way. They reset, and again, Sai defeated him with almost no effort. 

“Are you… trying? Am I supposed to pretend this is difficult?” Sai asked, tilting his head slightly. Maybe he was missing something, after all. 

Naruto blinked, and then scowled. “What do you mean? I’ve been going easy on you because you’re new--- it’s time to get serious now!”

Sai wasn’t sure he believed him, but grasped his hand again. This time, he decided he would let Naruto at least have a chance and just played defensive for a bit--- Naruto couldn’t budge his arm. Frustrated, Naruto tried using two hands, to no avail. Sai blinked--- was Naruto really that weak? No wonder Neji had beat him. 

Naruto was trying to enlist Lee to help, but Lee said it was unsportsmanship like, and refused. 

“Are you going to do something, or should I just end this? Your hand is starting to get sweaty.”  
Naruto gaped at him, and tried once again to push Sai’s hand down.

Sai sighed and pushed Naruto’s hand to the table with ease. He really didn’t understand how Naruto could be this weak. 

“Alright, now that his ego has deflated a little, let’s get going, Sai,” Sakura said, ruffling Naruto’s hair a bit. Naruto swatted at her hand and glanced at Hinata. 

“Are you ready to head home, Hinata?” 

“Whenever you are, Naruto,” she said.

Naruto nodded curtly, and went to settle his tab--- Sai noted that he also settled Neji’s tab and wondered if that had been part of the deal they’d struck for whoever won the arm wrestling.

“It was nice meeting you again, Sai,” Hinata said, smiling shyly. “I hope you didn’t feel too left out, I know it can be hard to make friends in a crowd of people who already know each other.”

Sai blinked--- had he been obvious about it? He hadn’t thought so, but maybe he had, after all. “I—thank you for letting join you guys.”

Hinata’s smile brightened. “Anytime! Naruto might try to hide it, but he talks about you a lot. Thank you for looking out for him,” she said. “I know you’ve taken care of him a few times when he’s come home drunk.”

“It’s… no problem, really,” he said. He hadn’t realized Naruto even was capable of remembering anything from those times--- the man couldn’t even stay standing up most the time, and if Sai hadn’t been up anyways he probably would have been woken up by Naruto falling and yelling drunkenly anyways. “I just wish he’d learn some self control.”

“Don’t we all,” Sakura said, glaring at Naruto as he walked back. 

“What did I do this time?”


	3. Progression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> surprise sai, not all ur tenants are gay

Sai wasn’t sure what woke him, but when he rolled over and checked the time on his phone, it started to ring. He didn’t generally get nervous when his phone rang, but for some reason this time he felt his heart seize up. 

“Hello?”

“Sai? Oh thank god, okay, so--- can you come get me? I’m trapped in my closet, and my water is boiling, and---“

Naruto. Of course. Who else would be calling him this early? It wasn’t even 5 yet. “I’ll be over, then,” he said, rolling out of his cocoon of blankets on the couch and grabbing his key ring. 

He had labeled them all by color. Naruto was bright orange with black tiger stripes, the girls was a pink and purple tie-dye design, Neji and Lee’s was solid green, and Sasuke’s was red and black, because Sai didn’t really know anything about Sasuke other than that he was still in his emo phase.

Letting himself into Naruto’s apartment, which he noted was unlocked, Sai let out a deep sigh. The place was messier than even Shin’s room had ever been. He took the kettle off the burner and poured water into the waiting noodle cup, covering it with the lid before wandering into Naruto’s room. He could hear Naruto scuffling and trying to escape from the closet, even though he’d said he was coming. 

Sai tugged the sliding door back onto it’s tracks and slid it open. Naruto was just sitting on the floor, as if surprised. Sai also noted that he was for whatever reason, not wearing any pants. He was probably really just lucky that Naruto was wearing boxers, he thought. 

“Why did you close yourself in here? You live alone, so it’s not like you can’t change with the door open,” he said. 

“Oh, ha, well, the thing is,” Naruto held up a sweater. “I uh, my sleeve was stuck in the door and I had to close it to get it out, but then I couldn’t get out, ‘cause the door was stuck.”

Sai blinked. Was Naruto fit to live on his own like this? “Maybe… you should get a roommate, Naruto. Someone who can keep you out of trouble.”

Naruto stared at him, clearly not understanding.

“Anyways, are you coming out of the closet now?”

Naruto grinned, as if he had been sitting there like that this whole time just _waiting_ for Sai to ask that. “Oh buddy, I did that _years_ ago.”

Sai groaned. He should have seen it coming. He turned away, glancing at the clock while Naruto got to his feet. “Your noodles are going to get soggy. I’m leaving before you try to make any more jokes. They’re bad.”

It’s not that Sai didn’t know that Naruto wasn’t straight--- he pretty much gathered that information when he saw him kissing Neji one night as they fumbled with Naruto’s door. He ultimately didn’t even care about Naruto’s sexuality, or really anyone’s, as long as they didn’t wreck the place--- Sai had headphones if they got noisy. He really didn’t even care that Naruto was probably sleeping with every one of his tenants--- except Sakura, who clearly had no interest--- and he hadn’t tried to make any moves with him, so really it didn’t affect him any. 

Sai supposed he probably wouldn’t mind too much if he did try, but knew that likely wouldn’t happen. After all, Sai didn’t see himself as someone anyone _would_ want to date or touch or anything of the sort--- he was dull, drab, and socially awkward. Who would even want someone like him, anyways? He was pretty sure no one. 

At times, Sai felt like he was ancient compared to his tenants, even though the oldest of them was only about a year older than him. They were all just so much more energetic and full of life--- Sai couldn’t relate. 

 

Walking into the hallway, he stopped. There, in front of his door, was his elusive tenant. The one who, despite having been the first to have moved in, Sai had only seen once before. Looking at him now, he realized they were the same height and probably could pass for brothers--- Sasuke was slightly less pale than him, which was not unusual or difficult to achieve, by any means--- Sakura and Ino had both mentioned at first that they looked alike. 

“Hey. Forgot my key. Actually, I lost it.”

“Right. Let me grab a spare.” Sai kept multiple of everyone’s keys--- about a dozen of Naruto’s—locked away in a safe. He had expected Sasuke to move over a little to let him into his own apartment, but instead Sasuke just stood in place and made Sai squeeze between him and the door. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. “Do you… want to come in?” He was trying to be polite. He wasn’t sure what was going on with this guy. 

“No.”

“Suit yourself, I guess.”

“I will.”

Sai was pretty sure Sasuke was an asshole. Slightly off put by his demeanor, but mostly just confused, Sai slid into his apartment and quickly grabbed the key. Why was Naruto so obsessed with such an unpleasant person?

“Check your mailbox, too--- I don’t care what you do as long as you take it out of the box. It’s over flowing but the mail person keeps trying to shove more in.”

Sasuke tsk’d as he accepted the key, but he at least did go over to his mail cubby and unceremoniously dumped it all into the trash Sai had placed under the cubbies for junk mail. Sai was glad he took the effort to aim properly, unlike Naruto who despite slam-dunking everything, always seemed to miss. 

Thinking of Naruto, he glanced at his door, wondering if he ought to tell him, but realized he didn’t have to--- Naruto and his cup of noodles were already following Sasuke up the stairs. He still hadn’t put any pants on, but had gained some slippers and a hat. Sai briefly wondered how well this would pan out.

A few minutes later he received the answer in the form of Naruto and Sasuke yelling at each other. He sighed—he wasn’t exactly surprised, but it was so early—but if he could hear it, he had no doubts the rest of the tenants could, too. Reluctantly, Sai trudged up the stairs, where Naruto was pushed up against the wall by Sasuke, who had a fistful of Naruto’s sweater. 

“Could you two please, if you would, kill each other a little quieter? At least until 8:30,” he said, unphased and polite as he could possibly muster.

Much to Sai’s and apparently even Naruto’s surprise, Sasuke actually laughed. It was really more of a chuckle, but it definitely happened, and Naruto could only stare between the two of them. 

“Get out of here, Naruto. I haven’t slept in two days,” Sasuke said, smiling a little, almost like he was trying to hide that he was, possibly even _happy_ to see him. “We can--- we can get lunch or something later. After I sleep.”

Naruto nodded, before wrapping his arms tightly around Sasuke’s waist, burying his face in the shorter man’s neck. Sasuke hesitated before returning the hug, patting Naruto’s back. When he detached, Naruto was very visibly crying, but made no effort to even acknowledge it, scooping up his ramen cup--- miraculously unspilled—and plodded back down the stairs. Sasuke sighed, shaking his head before giving a curt wave to Sai as he retreated into his apartment. 

Feeling like he had just witnessed an episode of some bad teen drama, Sai scratched his neck and returned to his own apartment, just as confused about Sasuke as he’d ever been. 

 

Now he was in a predicament, though--- it was 5:30 in the morning, and Sai was too awake to go back to sleep. This didn’t happen often--- Sai was used to sleepless nights, but sleepless mornings? Rare and unfortunate. 

He’d begun to pace at some point, as he went over in his head what had just happened. He wondered why Sasuke hadn’t slept in so long--- and where had he even been? Did he travel for work? He always paid rent on time, so he must work somewhere, right? Or… did he have a sugar daddy? They had mentioned he had been dating an older man, and he vaguely recalled Naruto saying the guy had money. Sai made a face. He didn’t really want to think about that. Maybe he would ask Sakura later what Sasuke did. She probably would have the most reliable information, anyways. 

Out of ideas, Sai made a small breakfast for himself and sat in front of his sketchbook, where it had sat untouched for the last week solid. Sometimes, Sai wondered if he was wasting his time. It wasn’t like anyone was going to see any of his work—so why bother? He didn’t get anything out of it in return, really. It didn’t make him happy. 

A knock at his door surprised him out of his thoughts. Glancing at the clock, he realized he had spent several hours sitting there staring at his sketchbook, his toast untouched. He got up, stretching on the way to his door. 

“Oh—sorry, did I wake you?” It was Sakura.

Sai shook his head and gestured for her to come in. She obliged, glancing around. “Jesus Christ, Ino… Sai, you know you can say no to her, right? You don’t even have to let her in. Just say no, Sai.”

He blinked. “Oh, the plants--- I don’t really mind them,” he said.

That didn’t seem to pacify her any. “Well, if you don’t start minding more, plants won’t be the only problem--- she’ll just move in with you.”

“Why? Are you two fighting? Is that why you’re here?” 

Sakura laughed. “Oh, no--- I just came to ask if you wanted to go shopping with Ino and I,” she said, and then looked at him pleadingly. “Please, Sai, save me.”

Sai swallowed. He was generally neutral on the subject of shopping, but would that be weird if he went? He was awkward enough on his own, he didn’t really want to be a third wheel. “She’s your girlfriend, right? Shouldn’t you be going with her as like, a date or something?”

Sakura let out a noise that was neither a laugh or a groan. Sai wasn’t really sure it was even a scoff. He didn’t know what it meant. “Listen. Ino and I are not dating. Where did you even hear that?” She was clearly exasperated at this point. “Was it Naruto? _Oh when I get my hands on that little worm---_ ”

“No, no, it wasn’t---- I just misunderstood the situation.”

“Do I _look_ like a lesbian to you?”

“I’m not sure what a lesbian looks like, specifically. I don’t think they all look the same.” Why was she so angry?

Sakura sighed. “No wonder Sasuke never looks my way--- he probably thinks I’m a lesbian,” she said, face in her hands.

“I could be wrong, because I don’t know him, but could… it be that he doesn’t look at you that way because he’s… gay?”

“Oh, no--- Sasuke isn’t gay. He’s bisexual,” she said, looking back up. “So are Naruto and I think Rock Lee. Neji is just gay, though. I’m pretty sure Tenten is a lesbian, but she might be bisexual--- I know she likes girls, at least. Ino and I are pretty much the only straight people in our group, I think.”

“Then Hinata---“

“Oh no, Hinata is way too pure to even think about anything further than like, holding Naruto’s hand at some point before she dies of old age.”

Sai had some questions about that one, but saved them. He wasn’t in a place to question Hinata’s goals in life--- at least she had a goal. He couldn’t say that about himself.

“Oh, you know, I think Shikamaru is probably straight. No clue about Temari though, it’s never come up,” Sakura said. Apparently she was still on that topic.

Sai shrugged. It didn’t really matter to him--- he didn’t see how it was important to know. 

Sakura was staring intently at him, as if expecting something from him, but Sai wasn’t sure what she wanted. _“Well?”_

“Well, what?”

“Well what about you, Sai?”

“What about me?”

Sakura sighed in frustration. “Well, what about you? What do you like?”

Sai blinked. “People? I don’t know, I’ve never really thought about it.”

“You never--- ugh. How have you never thought about it?”

“Well, until I met all of you, I don’t think I’d ever even met any gay people. So it wasn’t really something I recognized as real, I guess,” he said. “Danzo--- my father,--- made it sound like it was super rare and more like a disease than anything.”

“Well it’s not--- and you better start thinking about it, before you hurt someone’s feelings,” she said, inspecting her nails. “Are you coming with us, or no?”

He shrugged. “Might as well, I guess.”

Sakura grinned. He wasn’t sure he made the right decision. 

 

**

“Yay! Sai, you came!” Ino instantly latched onto his arm as soon as she spotted them. They had met Ino at the mall, since she had gone there directly from a class and Sakura didn’t have any classes today. 

Sai was still not too sure about all of this--- the ominous way Sakura was acting about it certainly suggested he might not make it out alive. He approached it with the same philosophy he approached most things in life--- if he dies, he dies, and he supposed a death in retail hell was just as good as anywhere else. 

“So I need to get Christmas presents,” Ino was saying, listing off all the things she was looking for and the stores she wanted to stop at. 

Sai squinted. It was only mid November, how many gifts did she have to get that she had to start this early? He was starting to worry about her wellbeing.

“But number one mission today, is we have to get something for Lee’s Birthday!” She said, suddenly jostling both Sai and Sakura.

“You aren’t even close to him,” Sakura said, clearly dreading this entire thing.

“I don’t care--- it’s still his birthday, I’m still going to get him something.”

“When is his birthday?”

“The twenty seventh.”

Sai nodded, thinking. “I think he mentioned something about needing new weights—the kind he always wears on his legs.”

“He… wears weights on his legs?”

“And his arms---Ino how do you not know about this?”

“I just thought they were really ugly accessories, honestly--- I mean, he does hang out with Naruto all the time.”

“I’m honestly not sure who has a worse sense of fashion between the two of them.”

Sai squinted. “It’s Naruto. He thinks Lee is the epitome of fashion. I’ve heard him talking about it before.”

Sakura shuddered. “That’s probably the worst news I’ve heard all week, Sai.”

“Speaking of questionable fashion sense, by the way, did you hear Sasuke came in this morning?”

Sakura and Ino both stopped and looked at each other. “What? And no one even bothered to tell us? Did he say how long he was here for?”

“He was really tired, I had to break up him and Naruto fighting before they woke up the entire city--- what does Sasuke do?”

“Sasuke… we aren’t really sure what he does, just that he has to be away a lot. Usually it’s not as long as it has been--- Naruto has been worried sick,” Sakura said, rubbing her arm. “I mean, we all have been worried, but Sasuke is… I’m pretty sure Naruto actually loves him, unlike everyone else.”

Sai shrugged. “I’m sure Naruto loves you too, Sakura.”

Sakura blinked and shook her head. “No, like, I’m pretty sure Sasuke is Naruto’s first love, and I don’t think he ever really got over Sasuke after they broke up senior year.”

That kind of explained the attachment issue, Sai supposed. “Did Sasuke leave him for the old guy?”

Sakura nodded. “Naruto was devastated--- especially because Sasuke left town so suddenly to move in with this strange guy they met once at a bar they weren’t supposed to have even been in.”

“That guy died, though, right?”

“Yeah--- after Sasuke filed a restraining order against him,” Ino said. “Do you guys want smoothies? I’ll buy.”

“Sure--- you know what I like.”

“Sai?”

“Oh, uh… that’s okay,” he said. He would feel bad asking her to spend any money on him. He wasn’t worth that.

Ino frowned a little as she detached from the group to stand in line. 

“So Sasuke filed a restraining order against that guy?”

Sakura nodded. “I… know most of what happened, but basically there was a lot of illegal things going on, Sasuke was only 17 and didn’t really know what he was getting into--- it actually wasn’t the guy he was dating that he filed against. It was the guy’s twenty five year old son.”

Sai blinked. “This guy had a son that was older than Sasuke?”

Sakura shrugged. “Yeah, and he was a real creep, too,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong, none of us liked either one of them, but the father was probably a little bit more… I don’t know how I should put this--- Kabuto killed teenage boys for fun, Orochimaru just wanted to fuck them.”

Sai was pretty sure he didn’t want to meet either one of these people, honestly. Well, he definitely wouldn’t meet the older one, since he was dead. 

“We’re actually pretty sure Kabuto killed his father, not a drug overdose.”

Ino came back and thrust a smoothie into each of their hands. Sai looked at her, confused. 

“They messed up mine, so they had to make a new one, but they let me keep them both. It’s not weird, I promise.”

He hadn’t been worried about it being weird before, but now he definitely had his suspicions. 

Sakura laughed, seeing his concerned face. “It’s probably strawberry, Sai. They probably didn’t put the pineapple in like she told them, so that’s why.”

He nodded, still suspicious. It was strawberry, but there was something else in there that he couldn’t place. It wasn’t the worst thing he’d had, though.

“But yeah--- Sasuke is really pretty fragile inside, as much as he acts like a dick all the time,” Sakura said, shrugging. “He’s always been kind of standoffish at first, but he’s just as much of a goof ball as Naruto once you get to know him.”

Sai struggled to picture that.

“Man, do you remember when we were all obsessed with Sasuke in like, middle school,” Ino said, sighing into her smoothie. “Those were the days, you know--- and to think that with all the stupid things we did to get his attention, of all people, Naruto was the first to kiss him!”

“I mean, it was an accident, to be fair. It hardly counts.”

“They dated for so long, though.”

Sakura shrugged. “I really don’t think what they had was very healthy, though--- the way they fought all the time, they both have such bad tempers sometimes, and you know how violent Sasuke gets when he’s drunk,” she said. “Some of the stuff Naruto tells me, I wonder how no one ever saw any of it happening. Naruto just kept it all hidden from us, and that last fight before Sasuke left…”

Ino grimaced, swishing her smoothie around in her cup. “Naruto almost died,” she said. “I don’t know how they managed to reconcile that.”

“It wasn’t really Sasuke’s fault Naruto fell off that balcony--- that was pretty much all Naruto being wasted. We both saw Sasuke trying to catch him before he fell.”

Ino hummed. “I guess, but I just don’t think I could actually be with someone who hit me, even if it wasn’t one-sided,” she said. “But you know me, that one time Shikamaru accidentally elbowed me in the face I cried for a week.”

Sakura laughed. “You still haven’t let him live that down, Ino. It’s been years. You still hold it over his head.”

“Well, duh, he’s like my big brother--- of course I’m not going to let it go,” she said, grinning. She glanced at Sai. “Were you close with your brother?”

Sai nodded. “He was my best and only friend.”

Ino and Sakura both frowned. “What was he like?”

Sai smiled a little. “Actually, Naruto reminds me a lot of Shin--- except Shin knew how to dress.”

They both laughed at that, content with the answer. Ino got up abruptly. “We still have to buy a housewarming gift for Sasuke!”

“I… don’t think he needs one, Ino. He probably won’t be home for long.”

“Everyone needs a house warming gift, Sakura.”

“Okay, okay--- no plants though. You know how he gets.”

Sai had questions. 

 

**

A week had passed, and Sai was just coming back from a late night walk when his phone started to ring.

“Naruto?”

“Hey, Sai, um, hey…”

Sai’s eyebrows knitted together. Why did he sound so weird?

“Uh--- sorry, um, when are you coming home?”

“In a few minutes… why?”

“I uh, I just… Sasuke left a few days ago you know, and I just… I don’t know, I just… keep having nightmares so I thought you know, maybe I could…”

“Do you want to stay over, Naruto?”

“Y-yeah, if that would be okay… like I won’t… try anything funny or anything, I just, um, don’t want to be alone right now,” he said. Sai was pretty sure the weirdness to his voice was due to crying, but he wasn’t the best judge of these things.

“Alright, well… I guess that’s fine, I’m walking---oh. You’re at my door,” Sai stopped in his tracks. Naruto looked like he hadn’t slept in five years, and he had definitely been crying. 

“Are you gonna hang up or should I,” Naruto asked, through the phone.

“I guess I’ll hang up,” he said, and did so. “I uh, I’ve never had a sleepover.”

“Never? Like not ever?”

Sai nodded. “I don’t know how this works.”

Naruto grinned. “Do you have hot coco and popcorn?”

Sai nodded. He always had hot chocolate--- the popcorn was there more by chance than anything, though.

“Do you have movies?”

“I have Netflix.”

Naruto grinned wider as he followed Sai into his apartment. “You have all the makings for a sleepover, then.”

Naruto insisted that to have a proper sleepover, they had to build a pillow fort in front of the TV--- Sai pulled out an air mattress for the base of it and Naruto draped every sheet Sai owned over the backs of his kitchen chairs and pillaged the cushions from the couch. “Alright, it’s perfect!” Naruto said, crawling into his creation.

Sai stared, unsure of what he was supposed to do. 

“Well? What are you waiting for? I’m not contagious, you know--- you can’t catch the homo.”

Sai blinked. That definitely wasn’t the issue. The issue was more… he had no idea where the remote to his tv was. “I--- I gotta wait until the movie starts, otherwise I’ll have to get back up.”

Naruto nodded in understanding. Sai doubted Naruto even had remotes anymore. “Okay, pal--- but I’m choosing the first movie and we are watching Lilo and Stitch, you got a problem with that?”

Sai raised an eyebrow. Did he… expect Sai to combat that choice?

Seeing no resistance, Naruto enthusiastically pulled it up and hit play using an app on his phone. “Sasuke _never_ lets me watch Disney movies,” he said. “Alright, now get under here, dude. You’re making a glare on the tv with your pasty skin.”

Sai was pretty sure that was a joke, but he obliged, climbing into the pillow fort and laying down next to Naruto, who proceeded to pull the blanket over Sai too. “Ohana means no one gets left behind,” he whispered. “I can’t leave you out in the cold.”

“Uh… thanks, I think.”


	4. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sai recovers from nonexistence, Sakura is suspicious and Naruto just wants to be loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahah i would have posted this sooner but i was dying, lmao sorry

Sai had fallen asleep at some point during the fifth Disney movie in a row--- Naruto said he was ‘shocked and appalled’ that Sai hadn’t seen them all--- and woke up sometime later in the morning to find himself trapped. At first, he had tried to simply slide from under Naruto’s stray limbs, but to no avail--- as soon as he moved an inch, Naruto pulled him closer and tighter to his body. 

If Sai hadn’t needed to pee so badly, he supposed it wouldn’t have been an issue. He didn’t want to wake Naruto up though, because he had this strange feeling Naruto didn’t know he clung to people in his sleep. He probably also wasn’t aware that he snored and mumbled either---Sai hadn’t gotten the best sleep. 

Not that it mattered. No matter how much or how little he slept, Sai was always tired. He couldn’t remember ever not being tired, though, so he assumed that probably was how every one else felt, too. 

Slowly replacing himself with a pillow, he finally escaped Naruto’s grasp without waking him. When he returned, Naruto was still out cold; his body flung carelessly across the pillow Sai had used to save himself. He was glad he had escaped when he did.

Having never had a sleepover before, Sai wasn’t sure what proper sleepover host protocol was, but he imagined Naruto would probably be hungry when he eventually woke up, so he set to work. He was pretty sure he had everything for pancakes… everyone liked pancakes, right?

Sometime after he flipped the third pancake onto the plate, Naruto woke with a thump as he rolled backwards off the mattress and into the legs of one of the chairs holding up their fort. 

Seemingly unphased, he jumped up and--- well, Sai could really only have described it as galloping--- galloped his way over to the kitchen area. “Are… are those for me?” He said, pointing and doing some kind of… well Sai wasn’t sure what he was doing. Maybe he had to pee. He should have known where the bathroom was by now, though, so Sai wasn’t sure why he was holding it. Or why he was doing that dance. Confused and concerned, Sai asked him if he’d forgotten, but Naruto shook his head and eagerly pointed at the plate of pancakes. 

Sai was in the process of plating three more, but he was pretty sure Naruto had honed in on that particular plate--- so Sai shook his head and stabbed them with a fork, lifting one to his mouth.

Naruto looked like he might start crying--- Sai almost felt bad. With a small smile, Sai slid the fresh stack of pancakes across the counter to Naruto. 

A few tears did spill---Sai was honestly kind of impressed. He’d never met someone who could cry about pancakes. Maybe Naruto was just especially passionate about breakfast--- either way, Sai was pretty sure he would die an early death if that was how much syrup he always used on pancakes. 

“How are you even alive?”

Naruto looked back up at him, practically slurping up his pancake and shrugged. “What do you mean?” 

“You put… enough syrup on there to coat a town,” he said, gesturing to Naruto’s plate.

“Huh? Oh, this is nothing--- you should see me with ice cream!”

Sai did not want to see what Naruto did with ice cream.

He felt like he was supposed to strike up a conversation with Naruto, since they were at his apartment and Naruto was eating his food--- but he was too busy staring in abject horror as Naruto added more syrup to his remaining pancakes. 

Thankfully, Naruto decided to distract Sai from his nightmares and just started talking on his own, unprompted. 

“I know it must seem weird,” he started. “The whole Sasuke and I thing, I mean. I know he seems like such a dick sometimes, but when we’re alone, he’s sweet and—and I don’t know, tender, I guess.” Naruto swirled a piece of pancake through the lake of syrup. “I know Sakura and Ino have probably told you he was really abusive or something, but… he really only hit me back, he never started any of our fights… they always tell me that I shouldn’t want to be with him still, but he’s my best friend. And I love him, -- even if he doesn’t feel the same, I’ll still love him.”

“So he didn’t hit you so bad you were in the hospital?”

Naruto shook his head, smiling wryly. “No, that was my fault. I drank too much and picked a fight with him, he was trying to calm me down, but we were on the balcony of my old apartment, and I was like--- listen, no one should have drank that much, okay? Anyways, I actually legitimately fell--- Sasuke tried to catch me but he was pretty drunk too, so reaction time and all that, so I fell. I hit my head on the way down and cracked a couple ribs, so obviously I had to go to the hospital.”

Sai wondered why Sakura made it seem like Sasuke had pushed him. 

“But Sasuke always did his best to avoid hurting me, though, even when I did hit him. Unless I asked him to, that is.”

Sai decided very quickly that he was learning something about their relationship he did not need to know about. 

“And like, I get that from an outsiders viewpoint, it probably seems weird or wrong or something, but we had rules and agreements and--- Sasuke always stopped when I needed him to. Even when we weren’t in a scene and we were legitimately fighting, he would still stop if he sensed that I was scared or anything.”

“I don’t… think it’s healthy to get in fist fights with your loved ones, Naruto.”

“We were _teenagers._ We had just… a lot of pent up emotions and we weren’t great at dealing with them,” he said, shaking his head. “We’re older now—I got counseling, and my last foster parent really helped me grow into a better person, as weird as he is.”

“Did Sasuke, though? Grow up, I mean.” He certainly still dressed like he hadn’t progressed much from his angsty teen years.

“He’s--- he’s different, yeah--- his attitude is probably worse, honestly.”

Sai _had_ noticed his lack of manners.

“I mean, some of the things he’s told us--- I don’t know what possessed him to get involved with a man like that,” he said. “But I can kind of see that even when he is back, he isn’t the same--- he isn’t the same as when he was _my_ Sasuke, but he’s still Sasuke and he’s still my best friend.”

Sai was starting to wonder if these people just viewed him as a free therapist. He handed Naruto the tissue box from his coffee table, because since Naruto wouldn’t acknowledge the tears streaming down his face, Sai was worried he would do the same with the snot that generally came with crying.

Naruto grabbed a few, thanking him before loudly blowing his nose. “I just wish that when he came back that he would just _stay_ back, y’know?”

“Where does he go?”

Naruto shook his head, finally finishing mopping up his syrup with the last bit of pancake. “I’m not even supposed to know--- he really isn’t allowed to say.”

“Is he… doing something illegal?”

Naruto laughed at that, shaking his head. “Sasuke works for the law now. He’s like batman, but… I’ve seen his bank statements and they’re not that good.”

Sai already had had so many questions--- now he was only left with more.

 

**

“Did you sleep with Naruto?” Sakura asked. They were waiting for Ino, who was supposed to meet them for coffee. 

“We had a sleepover.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“We had a sleepover. We watched movies until we fell asleep covered in popcorn in a pillow fort. If you mean sex, no.”

Sakura nodded briskly into her scarf. “Are you… planning on it?”

Sai shrugged. He definitely hadn’t been planning anything of the sort. He really hadn’t even considered it. He didn’t consider it a possible outcome--- Naruto certainly wouldn’t ever look at him as an option. “Sakura, I think you’re getting a little ahead of things, here. I haven’t even kissed anyone before--- let me at least do that before you start asking me about these things.”

“ _What?_ No way--- how old are you?”

“Twenty--- uh, no, --- twenty three, now.”

“You’re lying. You’ve never kissed _anyone_?”

He thought about it a bit. “I mean, I probably kissed Shin when we were little, but he’s my brother.”

“Yeah that doesn’t count--- family is different. Wow. How did this happen?”

“Who would I have kissed? I didn’t exactly have friends growing up.”

Sakura crossed her arms. “True, I guess,” she said, looking at her watch. Ino was running late. “Do you want to kiss Naruto?”

“Why do you keep asking if I want to do things with Naruto?”

“You two seem to be getting really close. He’s like my kid brother--- I need to know if I need to look for places to hide your body.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, lighten up, will ya? I know you missed me but I wasn’t gone that long,” Ino said, throwing an arm around each of their shoulders.

“We’ll finish this talk later, Sai.”

Sai didn’t really understand why they had to wait, just because Ino was there now. Was she trying to keep this all hidden? Sai didn’t really understand much of what was said.

**

They were all clustered in Neji and Lee’s apartment sitting on the floor of their living room. It was Rock Lee’s birthday, and he had been less so invited as much as dragged up to the party--- he didn’t know Rock Lee that well.

It had been going fine though, as far as parties went. Akamaru had curled up on Sai’s lap at some point during the night and Sai wasn’t about to argue. Kiba seemed relieved that he didn’t have to keep an eye on his dog for a bit, too--- that didn’t stop him from glancing over every once and awhile and telling Sai he could move him if he wanted. 

Sai really didn’t mind. He was pretty sure he liked dogs, and as long as he wasn’t mauling him like he had earlier, Sai couldn’t really complain about having something to distract him from the thoughts that crept into his mind from time to time.

“Hey, you guys know what I heard?” Sakura was drunk. Almost everyone here was drunk, aside from Kiba, Sai and Lee--- Lee apparently was the world’s biggest lightweight, and he didn’t want to spend the next day feeling like he’d been hit by three buses. “I heard, get this guys, Sai over there has never even _kissed_ anyone before.”

Naruto gasped loudly and dropped his cup, which was thankfully empty. “Sai! I can’t believe you would tell Sakura and not me! Secrets don’t make friends!”

Sai blinked. How had he even… what was happening? Why was it happening? Was it even a big deal? 

“God--- I’m sorry Sai. They’re a bunch of idiots when they’re like this,” Kiba said, shaking his head. He said he didn’t drink because it threw off his blood sugar too much, so instead he just made sure that everyone stayed safe. 

Naruto crawled over to them and put a hand on Sai’s shoulder, staring intensely at him. “Listen, Sai… it’s ok to take yer time with these---hic--- types of ---hic--- things. I’m here when ever you’re---hic---ready to ---hic--- test it out.” 

“Don’t listen to him, Sai. He’s drunk.”

“I’m aware,” he said, patting Naruto’s hand, which was still on his shoulder. Naruto smiled brightly and crawled back over to his spot between Lee and Sakura. 

“It’s okay, Sai. I know Hinata hasn’t kissed anyone yet, either,” Neji said, sitting down next to him. He was a little flushed and wobbly, but seemed to be a lot more sober than most of the group--- Hinata included. “She’s probably saving it for Naruto.”

“Man what isn’t she saving for Naruto,” Kiba said, scoffing. “She has been saving everything for him since she first saw him in kindergarten.” 

“She’s very devoted,” Sai said. He wasn’t sure why they were telling him any of this, or why they felt he needed to be reassured in the first place. 

“Are you saving yours for anyone, Sai?” Sakura asked, butting in from afar.

Sai shook his head. “It doesn’t really mean anything to me,” he said. “I really just haven’t thought about it as being a goal or anything.”

“I’ll kiss you, Sai! Just let me know when you’re ready!” Naruto yelled, despite only being a few feet away.

“He doesn’t wanna kiss you, bird brain,” Ino and Sakura said in unison.

Naruto gaped at them, seemingly offended. 

“You would think we were in middle school,” Kiba groaned, hunching over. “Don’t let any of them pressure you into anything. If you need to escape, let me know. I’ve trained Akumaru to fart on command.”

Sai grimaced, but nodded. He was pretty sure that wasn’t necessary--- it seemed like half of them had already passed out on the floor where they sat, anyways--- Naruto included, now that he glanced over. Hinata had fallen asleep on the couch he had been leaning on some time ago, and Kiba had pulled the throw over her shortly after, saying something about how she was going to catch a cold. 

Sai actually wasn’t sure if Shino was asleep or not--- he was wearing sunglasses, so it was kind of hard to tell, considering he had pretty much just sat at the table quietly with a beer the entire time---Sai hadn’t seen him drink it, either.

Tenten had fallen asleep shortly before Sakura made her announcement, and Neji had carried her into his room to tuck her in. Sai was pretty sure that Neji cared more about Tenten than he did even Lee—he had learned that Tenten was the first person he came out to in middle school, because Tenten had asked him out, and when he revealed that he was a gay guy, she told him the entire time she had thought he was a girl, and that she was a lesbian. 

He was quickly realizing that they had all been friends pretty much since elementary school, and he wasn’t sure how to feel. Would he have had friends if Danzo had allowed him to go to public school? He felt like he probably wouldn’t have.

He was still confused how he had magically happened upon friends now--- he couldn’t imagine having ever had friends before. 

A thought occurred to him suddenly. “Kiba, do you like Hinata?”

Kiba laughed. “Hey, hey--- what are you on about? Don’t be getting any ideas, I have a girlfriend.”

Sai wasn’t sure he believed that, but he nodded anyways and shot a glance at Neji for confirmation--- unfortunately, at some point, Neji had slumped over and fallen asleep on the floor next to them. Sai wasn’t sure how comfortable he was laying like that, but he wasn’t really sure he could be comfortable on the floor anyways--- he supposed if it was too uncomfortable he probably would wake up, right?

“Aw, Neji… come on, dude, you’ll get carpet rash on your face,” Kiba said, shaking Neji gently awake. Neji mumbled a little and gently swatted at Kiba, missing, so Kiba beckoned Lee over. 

“Alright! Time for the hands of death!” Lee screamed, raising his hands and wiggling his fingers.

Neji seemed to take that as a serious threat, as his eyes flew open and he scrambled away clumsily. Lee laughed maniacally, and Sai vaguely wondered what would have actually happened if Neji _hadn’t_ woken up at that point.

“Hey, Lee, quiet down, you’ll wake people up,” Sakura said, holding a finger to her mouth as she stood over Naruto. Sai noticed the marker in her hand and understood instantly what was happening--- he had, on occasion, done similar with Shin. 

“Huh? Sakura?” It was too late. Naruto had awoken, only half a mustache drawn on. Sai watched as Naruto and Sakura’s faces grew closer with a slight bit of alarm--- that was, until Sakura landed her fist in Naruto’s abdomen. “Hey, what’s the big idea?” 

**

 

Naruto had made sleepovers a common occurrence over the past month or so--- Sai couldn’t say he minded. Naruto claimed it was due to Sai having never seen any of the movies on Naruto’s ‘essential to survival must see’ list, but Sai knew it was really because Sasuke was gone.

He knew he was never going to replace Sasuke in Naruto’s eyes, and he didn’t really care to, either. Sai was his own person, even if he was still unclear as to who that person was--- he was working on discovering who he was.

The more he hung out with Naruto, the more he noticed that he was starting to feel like maybe he _was_ capable of having people who actually liked to be around him. Maybe, somehow, Sai had fooled them--- but all he knew was that around Naruto, he felt a little bit more… alive. If Sai wasn’t mistaken, it even seemed like Naruto had begun to see him as a friend—someone he enjoyed spending time with, not just someone he dealt with. 

Sai had also noticed that he was growing accustomed to Naruto’s nearly suffocating proximity--- it was now more rare for Naruto to not be in some way touching Sai when they were together, whether it was just their shoulders or if Naruto curled up next to him and leaned his head on his shoulder while they sat. 

Once or twice Naruto had held his hand, even--- mostly to get his attention or lead him somewhere, but it had surprised him nonetheless. He wasn’t sure what to make of their gradual closeness, but assumed that was what friends did--- he had seen Tenten and Neji behave similarly, as did Sakura and Ino. 

Sakura occasionally still interrogated him about what was going on between him and Naruto when they were alone, but for the most part she seemed to have eased up on him. Often, he would spend time with both Sakura and Naruto--- sometimes Ino would join them but she seemed to be busier than normal, occasionally mentioning something about her classes kicking her ass or something about planning a wedding--- apparently Temari and Shikamaru had gotten engaged. 

Sai was pretty sure that Ino was acting on her own in planning this wedding, since none of his friends seemed to be involved and neither Shikamaru nor Temari were saying anything about it. 

It was approaching the time of year Sai understood the least--- the ever foreboding “Holidays.” Sai never really celebrated them, which shocked his friends. He wasn’t sure why they had been surprised to hear that news, considering what he had already told him about his childhood. Danzo had told him Holidays were just a ploy to distract you and steal your money---Sai was learning that Danzo was what many called a conspiracy theorist--- and in Sakura’s own words “a cynical and unwell man.”

Upon hearing that Sai had never been allowed to celebrate his own Birthday, and also learning that it was shortly before Rock Lee’s, Naruto pulled everyone together and threw a small party for him—complete with a small cake with the words ‘Baby’s First Birthday,’ a numerical number one candle, and a multitude of cards targeted towards infants. Sai felt like he was missing something.

He was a little slow on the uptake for jokes, but he was a quick learner--- he’d even learned how to crack a few jokes of his own. 

Unfortunately for everyone involved, Sai’s main form of humor so far appeared to be puns. Naruto insisted he had all the makings of a proper shitposter, whatever that meant--- but mostly Sai stuck to puns. He had a habit of unleashing his newfound talent at rather odd moments, often ruining an otherwise serious conversation. 

He had also started to learn that if he wanted to be friends with someone, all he had to do was start sending them selfies with the worst possible facial expression he could make over Snapchat--- which Naruto and Lee had forcibly signed him up for. So far, Rock lee seemed to take home the prize for worst selfies—few could hope to reach his level. 

Sai glanced over. Naruto had fallen asleep on his couch, curled up and was mumbling slightly as he gripped the cushion. He wasn’t really sure what to call the feeling he got when he looked at Naruto, but it was a feeling, and he was sure it counted for something--- Sai pulled up Snapchat and took a video of Naruto, zooming in and out rapidly on his face and sent it to him for later, something he learned was essential for friendship. He then covered Naruto with the throw blanket from the back of the couch with what might have even been a smirk.

Sai wandered over to his art table, where his sketchbook had sat, untouched, for months. He had done some doodles on stray papers here and there, but he hadn’t so much as opened his sketchbook--- he wasn’t sure why he felt so compelled to now, but he did, and he wasn’t going to argue with his gut; Naruto was adamant about always trusting his gut, after all. 

Sai took a deep breath and started drawing--- he was a little surprised to find that it felt like he had never stopped in the first place--- the lines and shapes formed as if they were flowing from his pencil. For months, Sai had been at a loss for ideas and had simply started at the blank pages of his sketchbook, but today, he decided, was different. He knew exactly what he was going to do, and he was doing it--- he was drawing from memory, but it was like he was looking right at the subject. It was his brother, Shin, holding a frog and smiling—Sai remembered the two of them running around in the swampy grass of their back yard for hours trying to catch one, and how Shin had yelped and dropped the frog when it peed on him and the frog had escaped safely. 

“Hey--- that’s really good--- is that your brother?”

Sai looked up, alarmed—he hadn’t heard Naruto get up. He nodded, embarrassed to not only have been caught off guard, but that Naruto had seen him drawing.

“You should draw me, sometime, “ Naruto said, grinning and wiggling his eyebrows. “I can hold a pose for a long time, you know.”

“Naruto, you can barely even sit still through a commercial,” Sai said, brows close knit. “Besides, I’d probably mess it up.”

“Nah--- you’re great, really. Give yourself some credit, Sai. You must have worked really hard to get to this level.”

Sai didn’t feel like he had achieved any form of ‘level,’ despite having drawn for as long as he could remember being able to hold a pencil. He could see so many flaws in his work, but he could never seem to fix them—and no one else ever said anything about them, but he was sure they could see them too.

Danzo had, in his old age, told Sai he was good at art, even if he didn’t think it was something he could pursue as a career. There wasn’t much that Danzo had ever commended Sai for, and it was rare that it wasn’t just a way to mask an insult, but towards the end Danzo had… almost seemed proud of Sai in some amount. Sai wasn’t sure what to do with that, though, so he stowed it away in the recesses of his mind. He was sure it was only something he had said out of fear for his upcoming fate.

“Anyways, if you don’t wanna draw me, you could always draw Sakura--- all you gotta do is draw some hair at the top of the page and some eyebrows at the bottom,” Naruto said, snapping Sai out of his thoughts.

“I’ll make sure to credit you for the idea.”

Naruto laughed nervously. “Oh no, no—she’ll kill me. She’ll wring my neck and tear me limb from limb with her bare hands.”

Sai smiled. “If she wrings your neck first, you won’t feel her tearing your limbs off.

“That’s not the--- listen, you never heard that whole forehead thing from me, got it?”

**


	5. Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sai doesn't really understand what's happening, but it seems to be over already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't proofread this, lemme know if there's some glaringly obvious mistake or something lmao

“He said _WHAT?_ ”

Sai had offhandedly mentioned it to Sakura--- he didn’t really realize that she was so sensitive about it---sure she had a big forehead but if people didn’t have different traits, life would be boring--- it would certainly make drawing people a lot less interesting. 

“Ugh, anyways, how are things going between you two?”

Sai blinked—how did it always come to this? Naruto was his friend--- why did Sakura constantly ask if they were more, while at the same time threatening him about it? He was so confused. Did she want him to date Naruto? “We aren’t fighting, if that’s what you mean. We watched the Road to El Dorado last night.”

“You haven’t kissed or anything?”

“Is it… normal to kiss your friends?”

Sakura bit her lip. It always came to this—she never answered him. He wasn’t sure why she kept bringing it up—he tried to ask her but she would just deflect the question.

He sighed. “Listen, this is all still new to me,” he said. “But I don’t have any sort of intentions to kiss Naruto, and he hasn’t really expressed any towards me, either.”

“Naruto wants to kiss everyone,” she said. “It doesn’t matter if he thinks of you as just a friend or more than a friend--- he kisses, or at least tries to kiss most of his friends.”

“So you kiss Naruto?”

Sakura made a face. “Ew, no, don’t be silly--- _I_ don’t let that idiot anywhere near my face.”

“Has he tried?”

“Naruto has had a crush on me since we were little--- I think he’s finally growing out of it, thank god,” she said, shaking her head. “He’s insufferable, really--- I don’t know how he manages to maintain friendships with the people he sleeps with the way he does.”

Sai shrugged. He didn’t know how any of that worked. He mostly tried not to think about it. It really wasn’t his business.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong--- I don’t really care what he does with who, and I’d really rather not know, but at this point he’s… well, there’s not many of our friends he hasn’t slept with, and usually that breeds problems,” she said. “I’m just worried that one day this is all going to explode in our faces, you know?”

“I don’t know, actually.”

“I mean, like, someone is going to get jealous and then there’s going to be a fight.”

Sai didn’t really understand, but nodded mostly for Sakura’s sake. He really didn’t know how jealousy worked, especially not in relationships.

“Anyways--- I really just stopped by to ask if you wanted to come to dinner on Christmas,” she said, taking a muffin when Sai offered her one. “It’s just dinner, so you don’t have to worry about like gifts or anything--- and it’s just Naruto and I unless Sasuke shows up, because everyone else is going to their families.”

“Why aren’t you?”

Sakura smiled. “My parents are on vacation, and I’m too busy for vacation, so I’m just staying here. Naruto doesn’t have anywhere to go, anyways--- we are his family.”

Sai nodded. He knew a bit about Naruto’s situation--- he’d had a few foster families but due to his instability and anger issues as a child, he got passed around a lot. He had finally been informally adopted by a man old enough to be his grandfather when he was a teenager, but the man was… missing, apparently. 

Sai had a feeling that Naruto didn’t want to face the realization that he was dead.

“Anyways, if you want to come, it’ll just be in my apartment,” she said, shrugging as she waved to him on her way out. 

Sai had never really knew what to do in these situations--- they were his friends and he hung out with them often, but whenever they invited him to something, his first instinct was always to say no, to make up some sort of excuse--- why was that? He just didn’t understand why it happened. He wanted to hang out with them, so why did he dread going to hang out with them?

Sai shrugged. He had two days to decide, he supposed--- no sense in worrying about it right now.

**

 

**

 

Naruto had come over, as Naruto often did. It was Christmas Eve and he was showing Sai every Christmas Movie he could possibly find--- Sai was still not understanding why anyone celebrated Christmas, and Naruto was determined to instill some holiday cheer into him. Naruto was in a weirdly good mood, jittery and a weird form of giddiness seemed to radiate from him---Sai wasn’t sure what was up with that.

 

Eventually, after watching some confusing movie about a guy with flaming hair and frozen Bigfoot, Naruto turned to him, taking his hands and bouncing slightly. Sai was alarmed, honestly--- he didn’t know what had gotten into his friend lately but it was a little frightening how much energy he had.

“Sasuke called me this morning!” Naruto said, throwing his fists in the air. “He said he would be home tomorrow in time for dinner, and that he had like, a whole two weeks off,” at this point, he was standing and doing some kind of dance--- Sai still hadn’t deciphered the meaning of these dances.

“That’s great news, Naruto,” Sai said, smiling. He didn’t know if he liked Sasuke or not, but he knew Naruto was looking forward to this and had been for some time now, so he couldn’t help but be happy for his friend. “I’m sure Sasuke will be glad for the time to spend at home, too. Make sure you let him get some rest, though.”

Naruto nodded dutifully, and sat back down, half crashing into Sai. “I should be more calm, like you. Then Sasuke wouldn’t get so mad at me,” he said, matter-of-factly. 

“I don’t think that Sasuke would like that,” Sai said, tilting his head. “Sasuke clearly has spent enough time with you to know that you aren’t like that, so I think you would just worry him if you weren’t yourself.”

Naruto sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re probably right--- I don’t want him to think that something is wrong when he probably had to work really hard to get to come home.”

“That’s right,” Sai said. “You don’t want to think that you don’t like him anymore by seeming closed off, either.”

“Man, how did you get so smart, Sai?”

Sai blinked. He was simply repeating what he’d learned from movies Naruto had shown him and books Sakura had lent him--- he was pretty sure that didn’t qualify him as wise. He still wasn’t great at the whole communication thing—often times he found it hard to come up with responses to things if he didn’t expect them, such as compliments on his work or when someone made a joke he didn’t see coming.

“You know, I think you and Sasuke would get along, if you had the chance to talk,” he said, suddenly. “I still don’t really understand why Sakura and Ino think you look alike, though.”

Sai shrugged. “We have black hair and are the same height, I guess.”

Naruto threw his hands up. “Well by those standards, I spent half my life looking exactly like Ino!”

Sai laughed. “I’ll let her know you think you look alike,” he said, knowing he would never do that. He liked Ino, but he knew she would probably get angry if he said something like that, even if it was Naruto who said it. 

“Oh yeah, thanks for telling Sakura about the forehead thing, she totally beat my ass---and not in a fun way, either.”

“is there a--- nevermind, I don’t want to know.”

Naruto laughed, slamming back into the couch and turning on another movie. 

**

 

It was 3:30 in the afternoon when Sai awoke to the sound of knocking on his door. He peeled himself away from Naruto, who had apparently begun to sweat and actually stick to him, much to Sai’s disgust, and wobbled towards the door, still disoriented from waking up so suddenly. 

“Hello?” He said, opening the door slowly. 

“I have been calling you fools for twenty five minutes!”

“Hello, Sakura,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “I don’t know where my phone is, but Naruto’s is probably dead or lost in the abyss of his apartment.”

Sakura was clearly not happy with either of them, but Sai didn’t see what the big deal was--- they had decided to have dinner around 7, so that Sasuke would be there in time, after all.

Yawning, Sai started rolling Naruto back onto his side of the pillow fort as he sat down, grabbing his phone. “Oh, looks like I forgot to turn it back off of silent again.”

“You don’t say,” Sakura said. “I can’t believe you don’t make him wear pants.”

Sai blinked and glanced at Naruto. “That’s strange. He was certainly wearing pants when we fell asleep.”

Sai could see one pant leg sticking out at the end of the mattress. He did seem to be pretty warm when he’d woken up, so he guessed it didn’t seem too weird for Naruto to have taken his pants off at some point. He shrugged and shook Naruto’s shoulder to wake him.

“Man, I had the strangest dream that Sakura kept calling me,” he said, yawning and stretching. “I kept trying to answer, but all I got were these really garbled alien noises.”

Sakura tapped her foot on the ground, arms crossed.

“Whoa, Sakura! What are you doing here?”

“Do you remember what you were supposed to do today, Naruto?”

Naruto bit his lip, thinking. 

“Do you remember how you were supposed to… oh, I don’t know, go pick a certain someone up from the airport with me?”

Naruto gaped at her, eyes wide. “I totally forgot,” he said, jumping up and running around, throwing blankets and pillows everywhere. 

Sai pointed at the orange jeans at the bottom of the bed, which Naruto quickly yanked on. 

“I can’t believe you would forget about this,” Sakura said, shaking her head. “After all this whining and moaning you do when he isn’t home, you just casually forget to pick him up.”

“I know, I know, I really messed up,” Naruto said, taking Sakura’s hands in his and bowing. “I’m already going to get chewed out by him, so please have mercy on me.”

Sakura sighed. “We really should have left half an hour ago, though. It snowed, so the roads are going to suck.”

Naruto nodded solemnly. “He’s going to murder me if we’re any later then we already are…”

“I could drive, if you want. Danzo’s truck has four wheel drive, after all.”

Naruto whipped around, tears in his eyes. “Could you? You’d be saving my life, again.”

Sai blinked, shrugging. It wasn’t that big of a deal to him--- he rarely used his truck because he never went anywhere, so it would be good to run it anyways. “Let me grab my coat, I guess.”

“Thank you, Sai--- you’re probably saving all of our lives, considering Naruto’s car.”

Sai nodded--- he had never been in Naruto’s car, and he was perfectly content to continue to never be in Naruto’s car, especially if the inside of his car reflected his apartment.

 

**

 

Sai had grown up near the airport, so he had no problem navigating his way through the snowy environment. Naruto had fallen asleep almost as soon as he had sat in the back seat of the truck, and Sakura was quiet in the passenger seat, seemingly absorbed by her phone. 

“Ino’s parents didn’t have power when she got there, I guess. Shikamaru had to help dig them out of their driveway so they could all go to Chouji’s, since they have a generator,” Sakura said, to no one in particular. 

Sai had learned that Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji had all grown up next to each other, and that their parents had been life long friends too. 

“Sasuke said they just touched down, so he probably won’t be too mad at us for being late,” she continued. “I wonder where he’s been that he had to fly in.”

“Hopefully somewhere warmer,” Sai said, easing the brakes as the car in front of him decided to turn without a blinker. Thankfully he had kept his distance. 

“No kidding--- this is awful,” Sakura said. “I’m honestly surprised his flight wasn’t cancelled.”

“It’s not snowing now, so visibility is probably fine--- it’s not very windy, either,” he said. “It’s cold, but that doesn’t really affect them, I don’t think.”

Sakura agreed, going back to her phone. “Hey, Naruto--- Is your phone still dead? Hinata just texted me to ask if you were okay.”

Naruto didn’t respond, aside from mumbling some nonsense. 

“Hey! Dumb ass! Aren’t you even a little excited to see Sasuke?”

Naruto woke with a start. “Sasuke’s here?”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “Not yet--- is your phone dead?”

Naruto patted his pockets, found nothing, and shrugged. “I don’t have it. Why?”

“Hinata wanted to talk to you. Do you want to use my phone?”

“Hinata did? Sure, I guess.”

Sakura handed her phone back to him. “I would just… text her first. You know how she gets.”

Naruto nodded, taking the phone. “She just responded with exclamation marks when I asked if she wanted me to call,” he said, frowning. “Does that mean to call her?”

Sakura shrugged. “I don’t speak Hinata very well, your guess is as good as mine.”

“You live with her, how can you not know?”

“She doesn’t act like that with me, Naruto. You know that.”

Naruto huffed. “I don’t know why she gets so weird around me like this,” he said, shaking his head. “She doesn’t do it to anyone else… I wish Neji was here to help me decipher these texts, they’re all in code or something. What does asdfghjkl mean?”

“She’s excited, Naruto. I’m gonna guess she wants you to call?”

He shrugged. “I guess she’ll just hang up two seconds later like she normally does if not,” he said, calling her and holding the phone to his ear. “Hinata? Are you--- oh, hey Neji, what happened to Hinata? Again? Has she seen a doctor about that yet? She sure faints a lot.”

Sai heard Neji’s voice coming through, but it was hard to understand what exactly he was saying--- Sai could hear the concern in his voice though.

“Alright, well when she wakes up tell her I said Merry Christmas and to stay warm, I guess,” Naruto said, sounding just as concerned as Neji seemed. He hung up, handing the phone back to Sakura. “I wish she didn’t always faint whenever I tried to talk to her, she must really not like me.”

Sakura laughed. “I can guarantee that isn’t why it happens, Naruto,” she said, wiping her phone on her pant leg. “How did you get all of your face grease on my phone in that two minute period? Do you even use soap?”

Naruto stared at her. “What do you mean? Of course I don’t use soap on my face, it’d get all dried out, just like my hands,” he said.

Sakura made a gagging noise. “I don’t know how anyone kisses that face, you nasty pecan.”

“You’re just jealous because people actually do kiss me,” he said, sticking his tongue out. 

Sakura rolled her eyes, turning her back to him. They were just pulling into the parking lot. 

“If you want, I can drop you off at the door and find parking,” Sai said. “That way Sasuke doesn’t have to wait as long and he might be in a better mood for once.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you, Sai,” Sakura said. “It might be easier too, considering the snow and all. Sasuke said he already got his bags, so you can probably just stay in this spot, if you want, we should only be a minute or so.”

“Alright, I’ll be here, then.”

**

A few minutes passed, and Sai saw the trio walking out together--- well, Naruto was actually carrying a very disgruntled looking Sasuke on his back, and Sai was pretty sure Sasuke was at least jokingly trying to strangle him. Sakura was laughing, despite carrying Sasuke’s bags, so it must not have been a very dangerous situation. 

Sai was almost sure he saw Sasuke smiling, for a split second, until Sasuke looked up and made direct eye contact with him. Sai wasn’t sure what that was about, but he did notice Sasuke was staring very intensely at him, scowling.

Sai wasn’t sure what he’d ever done to deserve that, but alright--- maybe Sasuke had bad eyesight and was trying to figure out who was driving. He did wear his hair over one eye, so that probably did affect his vision. 

Sasuke stared at him up until they reached the truck, and then seemed to lighten up a bit--- probably because Sakura was asking him where he wanted to sit. He chose to sit in the backseat with Naruto, and glared back at Sai when he said it. Sai blinked, confused. Was Sasuke mad that Sai had become friends with Naruto?

Once in the car and settled, Sai started to drive them home. Naruto was all that could really be heard in the car, and he could see Sasuke regretting sitting next to him, but whenever Sasuke caught Sai glancing back through the mirror, Sasuke seemed to glare. Sai wasn’t really sure what his problem was, and he supposed he didn’t ultimately care--- they could sort it out at some other point.

**

“What are you playing at?” 

It was apparently some other point, now--- they had gotten back about an hour ago, and Sasuke had dumped his stuff and showered, now wearing a simple black button up with the sleeves rolled to his elbows and black jeans. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question,” Sai said, as polite as he could be. 

“What are you playing at. Who do you think you are,” Sasuke reiterated. 

“I’m not playing at anything, and I think I’m Sai,” he said, confused.

“Stop fucking around--- I’m not here to joke around with you.”

Sai was still confused, but let the smile fall from his face. “I’m not fucking around. I’m not playing at anything. I really don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

Sasuke snarled, forming and releasing a fist, taking a deep breath. “You and Naruto. What’s going on between you two?”

Oh. So that was it--- he was mad about that. “Naruto comes over to watch movies, eat popcorn, and sometimes cry into a pillow because you’re gone and he misses you. I like to think we’re friends, but maybe I’m just his mom.”

Sasuke seemed to relax a little at that. 

“Not that it’s any of my business, but why do you care, if you’re the one who broke it off?”

Sasuke glared back up at him, the anger seeming to flare back up. “What’s it to you?”

“Naruto is the closest friend I’ve ever had--- he seems to like you a lot, for reasons I’ll probably never understand,” Sai said. “If you don’t want to be with him, you should tell him, so he can move on with his life instead of wasting his time holding himself back for someone who doesn’t even value him.”

“Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?”

“I’m not telling you what to do, I’m telling you what you should do. You don’t have to follow my advice, Sasuke, that’s why it’s advice,” he said. He decided he didn’t like this manchild. 

“Leave Naruto alone. I don’t want to hear about you hanging around him anymore,” Sasuke said. 

“Who Naruto spends his time with has nothing to do with you, especially if you aren’t here. What is this really about, Sasuke?”

“I don’t like you. I don’t know you, or what your aim is, but I don’t trust you.”

“My name is Sai, I grew up under Danzo and my aim is just to help my friends. If you’re feeling like I somehow threaten your relationship or whatever you want to call it--- don’t worry. Naruto doesn’t see me that way, and I don’t see him that way.”

“Why? Do you think you’re too good for him?”

Sai blinked. None of this was making any sense--- why was Sasuke behaving like this? “I don’t think I’m too good for anyone,” he said. “But I’ve never had feelings for Naruto beyond friendship--- he is my closest friend, nothing more than a friend.”

Sasuke seemed to take that as an answer for now--- perhaps only because Naruto was walking down from Sakura’s apartment, whistling. “Oh hey, guys--- Sakura just sent me down to tell you that the food is almost done.”

Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s face and very aggressively kissed him, leaving Naruto slightly dazed as Sasuke glared back at Sai. Sai blinked, confused as to why he had felt that necessary, and shrugged when Sasuke met his eyes. Sasuke smirked a little, taking Naruto by the hand and leading him up the stairs. 

Naruto slipped his hand out of Sasuke’s, running back down into Sai’s apartment and grabbing his phone. Naruto, unaware of the entire situation, grabbed Sai by the wrist and pulled him with him. “C’mon, Sai! Sakura’s waiting,” he said, grinning. “I don’t know what she made in that slow cooker of hers, but it sure _smells_ good.”

Sasuke tsked from above them, looking down his nose at Sai as he continued up the stairs. 

“Don’t worry about him, Sai--- he’s just like that for a while sometimes,” Naruto said, shrugging. “I don’t know why he’s so especially weird today, though.”

“I think he is insecure and feels like he might lose you to someone else if he doesn’t scare everyone else off first,” Sai said quietly, so Sasuke could just barely hear him. “He seems to think that I’m competition or something, but I think we’ve reached an understanding that I’m not.”

“Competition? Are you guys gonna race?”

Sai let out a sigh. Naruto could be so clueless, sometimes. He just smiled and let Naruto think what he wanted to think--- he supposed it didn’t really matter what Naruto thought. “Naruto, I think it would make Sasuke feel better if you held his hand, tonight.” 

Naruto blinked, confused. “Is he sad or something?”

Sai nodded, not really knowing how to explain it to him. “He seems to have really missed you; he was worried that you didn’t like him anymore, so you have to reassure him.”

Naruto nodded enthusiastically, jumping up the last few steps and jumping on Sasuke’s back, shocking the man a little. Thankfully, Sasuke was fairly sturdy on his feet, so they didn’t fall, but Sai could see the flat expression on his face where he was trying to hold back a smile. Obviously, Sasuke was just territorial and afraid to show his more vulnerable side to a stranger. 

Sai just wanted his friends to be happy, and if the strange emo man child was what made them happy, then he would do his best to get their friend to be more open with them. Even if he questioned the man’s tastes in hairstyles, he guessed he could do his best to get along with Sasuke. 

Sakura often repeated the mantra of “kill them with kindness,’ and had explained that it meant that you sometimes had to be the bigger person and be very, very kind to people for them to realize that they had no reason to mistreat you--- she also often said that there was a limit to that, and not to let people take advantage of you; apparently in her philosophy, that’s why she had fists, after all. 

Sai didn’t intend on it getting to a point where using fists was necessary.

 

“Alright, guys, serve yourself, I’m not your mom,” Sakura said once they got into the apartment. “Sasuke would you please pull the stick out of your ass? Otherwise I’m going to kick it out the other end, you hear me?”

Sasuke shuddered visibly. 

Sakura winked at Sai before sitting on the couch with her bowl of food and turning the tv on, Naruto following her over with a heaping bowl of food and sitting on the floor between her legs and letting her use his head as a table--- Sai wondered if that was their normal ritual. 

“Are you going to take it or not?”

Sai snapped back to reality, and took the bowl Sasuke had offered him, already full of food. 

“Sorry about earlier. I misunderstood the situation,” he said, shaking his head. “My job is more or less to be suspicious of people--- sometimes I forget to leave it at work.”

Sai nodded. He didn’t really hold any form of anger at all, so the apology wasn’t really necessary in his mind, but he knew it was also for Sasuke’s own sake. If Sakura didn’t hear him on his best behavior, she would certainly put a world of hurt on him, like she often did with Naruto. 

“That’s okay,” Sai said, realizing he had to respond. “I think they’re watching Lilo and Stitch again.”

Sasuke smirked. “Naruto’s favorite. He is always quoting that damn movie at me,” he said, shaking his head. “He always says I’m Stitch.”

Sai could see it. He held his hand up, leveling it with both of their ears and holding eye contact. “This is your badness level. It’s unusually high for someone your size.”

“You know what? I take it back. I hate you,” Sasuke said, scowling and going to sit in the armchair furthest from Sakura and Naruto. 

Sai shrugged and sat next to Sakura, letting Naruto hook his arm around one of his legs for support. He glanced at Sasuke, fully expecting the man to be sulking, only to see his eyes as glued to the screen as Naruto’s were.


	6. It's not heartburn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sai has a feeling. Two, even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo what up sorry I've been gone a few days, I was sleeping probably
> 
> anyways I wanna give y'all a heads up so like
> 
> ****YO if you are triggered in any way by reading even a vague description of a panic attack, skip from "So what's your deal" to 'When Sai woke,' cause I don't want anyone to have problems?? pls be safe pals *****

Sai decided, after spending a bit more time with him around, that he didn’t like Sasuke. At first, he thought maybe he was simply misinterpreting Sasuke’s sense of humor--- except, no one was laughing. At this point, Sai could tell that he was just insulting Naruto and Sakura--- and he didn’t really stop, either.

Sai had attempted to voice his concerns with Naruto as they departed from Sakura’s apartment one night, Sasuke having retired to his own apartment a while before, but Naruto just shrugged and said that was “just how Sasuke was.”

Sai didn’t think that was okay. Why did Naruto just put up with Sasuke’s behavior? Had anyone ever spoke like that to him or Sakura in any other setting, either one would have pummeled them without a second thought. So why was it okay if Sasuke did it? Sai couldn’t wrap his mind around it--- weren’t friends supposed to love and support you? 

How could they be friends with someone who didn’t seem to do either of those things?

 

**

“Hmm? Oh, he’s just always been like that,” Sakura said, gazing into her cup. “You’ll get used to it.”

Sai didn’t think he was supposed to accept it. He couldn’t understand why Sakura was so insistent on letting Sasuke bully her like this. “All he’s done is demean you and Naruto, the entire time he’s been home.”

Sakura shrugged. “He’s just a very blunt and honest person, Sai.”

Sai didn’t get frustrated easily--- in fact he really couldn’t remember it having ever lasted more than a couple seconds before fizzling out, like all his emotions--- but he was certainly starting to feel it now. “ _No._ He is arrogant, foul, and clearly only has his best interests in mind--- when was the last time he said anything nice to you without it coming with an insult attached?”

Sakura bit her lip.

“See? He isn’t nice to you--- either of you, even though he’s got you both practically bending over backwards for him to even smile or look in your direction when he talks to you.”

“It’s okay, Sai, really,” she said, refusing to meet his gaze.

“It’s not. It isn’t okay at all,” he said, frowning. Why did she keep defending him? Couldn’t she see it?

Sakura shook her head. “He’s had a hard life, Sai. He can’t help it.”

“Then he needs to see a _therapist_. Taking his problems out on his ‘friends’ isn’t going to help him--- and you shouldn’t just let him off the hook because of his past,” Sai said. 

“Look, Sai--- you don’t know him like we do,” she said. “Maybe you should look at yourself before you go making these accusations, Sai.”

Sai blinked. He wasn’t sure how she wasn’t understanding--- why was this so hard for her? He didn’t know how to explain it any better than he already had; but he could tell that he had been dismissed. He took his cup with him as he left the café, his stomach burning slightly in what he knew wasn’t likely heartburn—was he actually angry? 

Sai wanted to shake his friends until they saw things from his point of view--- it was clear to him that Sasuke needed help and letting him walk all over them was not help. He sighed, watching the cold air turn his breath into a small cloud. For all that he had read about friendships and relationships, he still felt like he was missing something--- he could easily identify the unhealthy mechanisms in their friendship from the outside, but was there something he wasn’t capable of seeing, because he was on the outside? 

He remembered what Naruto said about Sasuke being gentle and kind when they were alone—was that it? Was that the piece he was missing? What good was his being nice if he only did it in private? Wasn’t that the opposite of how that usually went?

Sai couldn’t make sense of it--- it _didn’t_ make sense.

He glanced back into the café. Sakura was crying, if the shaking shoulders as she held her head indicated anything. He wasn’t sure he would be well received at the moment, but he couldn’t just stand there and watch his friend hurt like this, either--- it was partially his fault, after all. He didn’t know if he could fix it, but he couldn’t leave things how they were, either, he supposed.

Confused and lost for ideas, Sai called the one person who knew Sakura best.

“Sai? Oh my god, I wasn’t expecting this! Do you miss me that badly?”

“Sakura is crying and it’s my fault, what do I do?”

“What? Slow down, you made _Sakura_ cry?”

“I told her she shouldn’t let Sasuke treat her so poorly.”

Ino sighed--- clearly this was a battle she had fought with before; probably Shikamaru had something to do with it. “Well, go on--- what is she doing?”

“She’s crying into her Chai. It’s kind of gross, really.”

Ino sighed again, louder this time than the last. “Boy, when you mess up something you go all out, don’t you--- Sakura doesn’t _ever_ cry into her Chai. She must be super hurt,” she said. “I don’t know what all went down, but you better fix it--- she’ll need some tissues, but the real key to her heart is sweets. Get her a brownie.”

“Right. The real key is brownies.”

“And Sai?”

“Yes, Ino?”

“If you _ever_ hurt Sakura again, you are _finished_ , got it?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Ew---don’t ever call me ma’am again,” she said. “Anyways—go fix it.”

Ino hung up, and Sai followed her instructions--- he knew that Ino would not actually kill him, or probably ever even hurt him, but he also didn’t _want_ to hurt his friends anymore than he already seemed to have. He wasn’t exactly sure why Sakura was so hurt--- it wasn’t like he’d tried to tell her to never talk to him again, just that she needed to stand up to him and that he needed help. Why would that have hurt her so badly?

Sai gently slid the brownie and packet of tissues towards her, smiling lightly. She accepted them, but couldn’t really eat the brownie because she was crying. Instead, she led him out of the café, explaining that people had begun to stare, and wrapped her arms around him, shaking now from the cold as well as the crying--- which Sai noticed was intensifying. He was panicking a little--- the tissues and brownies were supposed to stop this whole crying thing, right? Instead, Sakura had just buried her face in his shoulder and was sobbing heavily. He didn’t really know what to do--- so he just rubbed small circles on her back and cradled her head like she was a baby.

Sai had never held a baby, but he had seen it done on TV. 

Eventually, Sakura pulled away, quiet now but still crying--- Sai figured he must have really messed up, though he still didn’t understand how. He held her face in his hands and wiped the tears as they fell, smiling at her as reassuringly as he could muster--- he still wasn’t great at expressing things outwardly. He wasn’t really sure how to apologize for something when he wasn’t sure what he’d really done, but he did so anyways--- he had learned that a lot of times that made people feel better. Sakura herself had actually taught him that--- so he figured it would definitely work on her, right?

Sakura smiled up at him, which he’d learned was one of Sakura’s ways of thanking him. He was slowly learning all of his friends’ mannerisms, and had learned that body language was often times more important than the words people spoke—he still didn’t always understand why people didn’t just say what they meant, but he was learning to pick up on things a little better; he was completely lost on the whole crying thing, though.

“I’m sorry, Sai--- it’s just been a really stressful time,” Sakura said. “I’m not mad at you or anything, it’s just. Sometimes I feel like I’m just crazy because no one else seems bothered by any of it, so I think I’m just being too sensitive. Hearing you say that just kind of reminded me that maybe I’m not the only one seeing it.” 

Sai wasn’t really sure what to do with this information either, so he just continued to smile reassuringly at her as she hugged him again. 

 

**

“So what’s your deal, anyways?”

Sai blinked. He probably would be taken less aback by the question had it not been the first thing Sasuke had said when Sai opened the door at 9:30 in the morning, having not even known Sasuke was for some reason lurking in front of his door. He was leery--- he hadn’t learned to trust Sasuke much, and if anything this just sent up more red flags than before; what had he been planning to do?

“Well, currently I am taking out my trash,” Sai said, holding the trash bag up and shaking it a little for emphasis. “Do you need something?”

Sasuke gently kicked off from the wall he’d been leaning against. “A talk, if you have time. Or if you don’t--- I could really care less about your schedule.”

Sai could feel his eyebrows knit together. “Do you go out of your way to be so ill-mannered, or does it come to you naturally? It seems like a lot of energy to waste,” he said, exiting the building. Sasuke waited in the doorway for him. “What do you want to talk about today, Sasuke?”

“I want you to back off from Sakura,” he said. 

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean--- don’t play stupid. I saw you yesterday.”

Sai didn’t bother to take the polite smile off of his face. “You saw me yesterday doing what, exactly?”

“You were trying to kiss her.”

“And when was it that I tried to do that, Sasuke?”

“Stop playing stupid--- I saw you, outside of the café--- I know what you’re trying to do with her, and I’m telling you to back off,” Sasuke said.

Sai was still not really sure where Sasuke came up with these things--- or why. “You seem to have misjudged the situation. Sakura was upset by something I said to her, and I was trying to comfort her. I have no intention of kissing her or anything of the sort--- frankly speaking, she isn’t my type.” Sai didn’t really have a type, but Sasuke didn’t need to know that. 

Sasuke tsked and started walking away, but suddenly turned and swung for Sai. Sai wasn’t exactly new to this kind of reaction; it was something Danzo often would do; and so Sai had more or less seen it coming. He ducked out of the path of Sasuke’s fist, grabbing it instead and twisting it. 

“I don’t know what your issue is, Sasuke,” he said. “I really don’t care what your issue is--- but you need to control yourself.”

This only seemed to provoke him, but Sai was honestly just tired of this. He didn’t think that talking it out was an option at this point. He kept mace on his keychain, but he didn’t really need it, because Sasuke was wide open---- Sai saw his opportunity and took it, kneeing Sasuke in the crotch and pushing him down when he stooped over. 

“I don’t want to be involved with your drama,” Sai said, shaking his head. “Get help, Sasuke. If not for yourself, get help for Sakura and Naruto’s sake. They don’t deserve this.”

Sasuke seethed quietly. Sai wasn’t really sure what to do in this situation, especially as he heard footsteps approaching. 

“I won’t back away from my friends,” Sai went on, offering a hand to help Sasuke up. “And they can be friends with both of us--- not everything needs to be a competition. I’m not a threat to you, Sasuke.”

Sasuke stared at Sai’s outstretched hand a bit before gently smacking it aside, standing on his own. 

“Hey, what are you guys--- _oh_.” Ino sounded as surprised as Sai felt. He supposed he hadn’t considered this to be a response--- he never expected this at all, and honestly he was kind of alarmed, and mostly just wanted Sasuke to be done doing this to his face. He also could tell Sasuke was trying to push him backwards and up against the wall--- Sai wasn’t about to allow it.

Sai wondered if this was how it was supposed to be.

He was pretty sure that if this was what it was like, he never wanted to do this again, because he wasn’t a fan. 

Seriously, he was really just not having a good time. Wasn’t this supposed to be a thing you did for fun?

Sai just wanted to be able to open his eyes and not have Sasuke’s face smashed against his. He was not into this at all. 

“Hey what’s all the commo---“ 

Sai realized in that moment the exact aim of all of this had probably never been him. This whole thing was a ploy to upset Naruto. Even more done with this whole ordeal, Sai let his since-limp arms push at Sasuke with as much force as he could muster at such close range. Sasuke was stubborn, so it took a few pushes--- Sai wiped his mouth off roughly. 

“That was really gross,” was all he really could say. He was still confused about the entire thing--- was this even real? He hadn’t had the reality check issue in quite a while, honestly; it was disappointing to have it back when he had been doing so well. “Please don’t ever do that again.”

Sai glanced around slightly; Ino had dropped the plant she had been in the process of bringing Sai--- Naruto’s expression was unreadable. 

Sai was shaking. He wasn’t sure he could stop shaking--- he didn’t feel okay. It had been just a kiss, yes, and he’d never cared about the prospect of kissing or being kissed before, so he didn’t really understand why he felt… upset. He was upset. Had he ever felt like this before? 

He had felt… a different feeling when Shin passed. This wasn’t like that. This was more the feeling of… yes, that was it--- the feeling he got after Danzo had thrown a plate at him. Sai had ducked, and hadn’t been hurt--- not physically at least. He had always gotten a little nervous whenever Danzo held a plate, though, from then on. 

Would he get this feeling whenever Sasuke was near?

Sai noted that Sasuke’s breath had reeked of alcohol. Hadn’t someone mentioned before that Sasuke was a violent drunk?

Sai shook his head. He wanted to go back to bed. He wanted this to be fake, but he could tell from the sting on his face that it had been real. He glanced back over at Ino, who was bending down to pick up the plant she had dropped, the terra pot in pieces. Sai walked over slowly and helped her pick one up, giving Sasuke a wide berth. He didn’t feel right. 

“Do you need me, Sai?” Ino whispered as she cradled the plant in her hands. “We can go up to my room and repot this guy.”

Sai hesitated, but nodded, with a quick and pleading glance at Naruto, who still had that unreadable expression. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but he wanted it to stop.

He didn’t feel right. 

Ino had cradled the plant in one hand and was gently guiding him up the stairs, her free arm around his shoulder. She was talking, but all he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears. 

It was just a kiss--- why did it matter? Why was he upset? 

“Ino? You’re back already? I thought you were going to--- oh,” Sakura stopped in the doorway of her bedroom as Ino shook her head and gently ushered Sai into her room, promising to tell Sakura later.

Sai wasn’t sure when they had even gotten up the stairs--- he didn’t really remember entering Ino’s apartment, either; all he really remembered was seeing Sakura briefly. 

Ino was patting him gently on the back, rubbing circles occasionally--- he focused on the warmth of her hand and tried not to pay attention to his thoughts. 

“It’s okay to be upset, Sai,” she said, voice low. “He shouldn’t have done that--- it was really not okay.”

Sai nodded.

“I know you have your differences—he didn’t always used to be this way,” she went on. “I know you’re probably really confused.”

Sai nodded, again. 

“It’s okay to let it out, Sai. I won’t judge you,” she said, gently raking her hand through his hair. “I know he hurt your feelings, and I know you have a lot of feelings in there that have been hurt by others, too.”

Sai didn’t really know what that was supposed to mean. He didn’t know about any of these feelings, so how could she?

“You can’t hide these things from your friends, Sai,” she said, smiling at him. “I mean, you can probably hide them from Naruto, but you can’t hide them from anyone with a functioning brain.”

Sai wondered if this was how Sakura had felt the other day. 

“There, there, you can let it out,” she said, pulling him over to her and patting his back. “You’re safe here, it’s okay.”

Sai was just really, really confused. He really, really didn’t know what was happening. It was like his body was freaking out and disobeying his brain--- what was happening?

He didn’t feel right. He felt like his face was falling asleep. Could a face fall asleep? He didn’t think faces were supposed to fall asleep. Was he dying? 

“Shhh, slow down, Sai. You’re going to hyperventilate,” Ino said, holding him away a little and patting his face. “Breathe with me, okay? Nice and deep.”

Sai followed her instructions. 

He still felt a sense of wrongness, but he wasn’t really sure what was going on. He was confused and tired. He wanted to curl up and sleep, but he didn’t think his body would let him.

Ino smiled a little, smoothing his hair. “You’re okay, Sai. It’s just a panic attack. It’ll pass, and you’ll go back to normal--- whatever normal is for you, anyways.”

Sai nodded, confused still. Would she be mad at him after this? Would Sakura be mad, when she found out? Naruto probably already would never talk to him again---

“Hey, hey now. Whatever you just thought about, stop right there,” Ino said, pinching his cheeks. “That’s not gonna help you. Leave it for another time. Stick your hand in this dirt.”

Sai was pretty sure that was the most confusing thing about today, but he obeyed, sticking his hand in the dirt. 

“Okay, pull that to the side, add in your other hand and do the same, and then stay---yup, just stay like that,” Ino said, guiding him patiently. She placed the plant in the spot between his hands and pulled his hands out, letting the dirt surround the plant again. “There, that’s better, isn’t it?”

Sai nodded. 

“I’ll have to keep an eye on this guy a couple more days, so I guess I’ll bring him over some other time. How are you feeling?”

Sai nodded.

“…Right. Well, that’s an improvement, I guess,” she said. “Why don’t you lay down for a while, huh?”

Sai nodded, confused. Was it alright? He was in her room. This was her bed--- he didn’t want to impose.

Ino pushed him backwards gently. “It’s fine, Sai. Relax. This is what friends are for, you goofball.”

Sai blinked, confused still.

“Geez—you’re _welcome_ , you big baby. Take a nap.”

 

**

 

When Sai woke, he was still confused. He felt a little groggy and sore--- he imagined this was probably what a hangover felt like. Glancing around, Sai noticed that Ino had apparently tucked a spring of lavender into his hand while he slept. Sai was pretty sure that was weird, but it had been a weird week, and this was the least weird thing to happen to him today. He shrugged and put the sprig in the pocket of his shirt as he wandered into the living room.

“Oh! You’re up already?”

Sai smiled, nodding. “I’m sorry to intrude.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Sai. Hinata has panic attacks constantly, we’re totally used to it.”

Panic attack? Was that what had happened to him? He wasn’t sure if that was right. He was pretty sure he’d been dying. 

“Why did he do that?”

Ino lifted her blanket and gestured to the spot next to her on the couch, covering Sai with it when he slid into the spot. “It’s hard to say, really. He’s only ever done that to Naruto,”she said, shrugging and leaned against him. 

“He was seriously wasted,” Sakura said from the other side of Ino. “Not that being drunk is any kind of excuse, really, but his judgment was impaired.”

Sai nodded, wondering why no one seemed to be concerned that Sasuke had been drinking at 9:30 in the morning. 

“He told me to tell you he was sorry,” Sakura went on. “You could probably press charges, if you wanted.”

Sai shook his head. He knew it wasn’t worth the hassle--- it had only been a kiss, after all. He hadn’t been hurt at all. In fact, Sasuke’s kiss had been surprisingly gentle; just very clumsy. He had been trying to get Sai to move backwards, but he hadn’t hurt him. 

Maybe that’s what scared him the most--- physically, he was fine. Inside, though, he couldn’t reason out why Sasuke would do that to him, of all people. Sai couldn’t remember having ever actually provoked Sasuke in any manner--- Sasuke had always treated him like he was either not there or like he was less than him.

“Man, he’s that bad of a kisser, huh?” Ino said, nudging him gently with her elbow. 

Sai wasn’t sure how to respond, so he just nodded.

“Aw, hey--- I’m sorry, that was too soon. I didn’t mean to upset you, Sai.”

He felt his eyebrows knit together slightly. He wasn’t upset at all at this point, he didn’t think. He shifted slightly so that Ino’s shoulder wasn’t digging into his ribs as much. “I’m just confused.”

“Well, Sasuke probably isn’t that great at kissing,” Sakura said. “He’s really only ever kissed Naruto and maybe that gross old man.”

“No one is good at kissing when they’re that drunk.”

Sai wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be making him feel better or anything. He really didn’t even want to think about it—he was ready to just let it slip away into the recesses of his mind, like he did with all the things he didn’t know what to do with. “He won’t do that again, right?”

Ino and Sakura exchanged glances. “Sai, are you sure you’re okay?”

He shrugged. Okay was a relative term, and right now he was probably just as okay as ever. He wasn’t hurt, and he was breathing fine, so that meant he was okay, right? Why did they always doubt him?

“He probably won’t, unless of course you ask him?”

Sai nodded. “I don’t think I ever want to do that again.” He didn’t ever want to be that close to Sasuke again. Maybe he didn’t want anyone to be that close again. He was tired--- he didn’t want to think about it anymore. The more he thought about it, the more he was pretty sure he would feel like he couldn’t breathe anymore.

Ino shifted slightly and pulled his arm around her, settling in and rubbing small circles the hand she held captive. Sakura surfed Netflix before ultimately deciding on some kind of nature documentary that mostly focused on birds on this cliff side.

Things were not looking good for these birds.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heck


	7. Sai has a feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sai has a feeling, he just doesn't know what it means.

Naruto had been distant, even after Sasuke went back to wherever it was Sasuke went—Sai wasn’t really sure what the issue was, nor how to fix it. He decided it would probably be best just to let Naruto come to him on his own terms, rather than be pushy. In the meantime, Sai noticed Naruto was back into his normal routine of habitually sleeping around. 

Sai didn’t really want to think about it too much, because it really wasn’t his business what Naruto did nor with whom. He did wonder if Hinata knew this about Naruto, especially when it was often Neji that Naruto was taking to his bed.

Neji confused Sai, in that he regularly slept with Naruto, yet was one of the biggest supporters of Hinata’s crush on Naruto. He wasn’t sure how that worked, since it seemed like a conflict of interests. He resolved to ask Sakura about it later--- he was supposed to have lunch with her and Ino later anyways.

Sai wished Naruto would tell him what was wrong. It was a little unusual for Naruto to not join them at this point, especially so close after Sasuke left; generally Naruto would be leaping at any opportunity for companionship and the prospect of food. He wondered if Naruto had still misunderstood the whole ordeal with Sasuke—he supposed it ultimately didn’t matter to himself, but it probably did matter to Naruto; Sai knew how he felt about Sasuke.

Was Sasuke jealous of Naruto? He wondered if Sasuke wanted to be more like Naruto, who had friends right and left, many of which were more than friends. Sai didn’t see Sasuke really having any of that; he pretty much ignored the existence of everyone else in their group, so why did he choose to do that to Sai, specifically?

Sai refused to consider that maybe Sasuke liked him—they barely knew each other and Sai was almost certain that he wasn’t Sasuke’s type. He didn’t really know that, though, but he assumed Sasuke’s type was more akin to Naruto than himself. After all, he had dated Naruto for several years, and seemed to still have some form of relationship with him, even if not an exclusive one. Sai didn’t really know the specifics of what happened between them when Sasuke was home, but he had seen them kiss on several occasions and while Naruto kissed a lot of his friends, Sai could tell there was a difference.

Shaking away the thoughts, Sai shrugged on his jacket and caught his reflection. He wondered if he had always looked so tired. He supposed it came with getting older, though. He didn’t look quite as tired as he felt, at least; he from time to time thought about seeing a doctor for it but he was pretty sure that was useless. Doctors were for sick people, Sai would tell himself. He wasn’t sick that he knew of, and he was pretty sure he would know by now if he were, so he simply decided that his bed would help more than a doctor would. He wished he didn’t have somewhere to be now, though, because he really wanted to go to bed. He sighed, grabbing his keys and locking the door behind him.

 

 

“Has Naruto said anything to you?”

Sai shook his head. 

“Us either. I hope he’s okay. I tried to call him, but I never know if he’s ignoring me on purpose, or if his phone is just lost.”

Sai shrugged. He almost never called Naruto, unless it was to help Naruto find his phone. “He’s been talking to Neji and Lee,” he said, and glanced away. “Well, I don’t know how much talking they do, actually, but—“

“You don’t need to give details,” Sakura said, rubbing her temples. “I know too much already.”

 

“Sai, are you sure you’re okay? I didn’t think it was possible for you to get paler, but you are--- have you been getting enough sleep?”

Sai blinked. He had been getting the same amount of sleep as he always had; he wasn’t sure what that was about. He was pretty sure he looked about the same as normal. “Maybe it’s the lighting.”

Ino frowned, but let it go, turning to Sakura. “Shikamaru said he was planning on spending next Christmas with Temari’s family,” she said. “It’ll be so weird, I mean, his parents will still be there, but he won’t be. What am I gonna do?”

“You’ll be fine, Ino. It’s not like you won’t see him the second he gets back in town anyways.”

Ino sighed, slumping over the table. “I know, I know--- we’ve just never spent the holidays apart from each other.”

Sakura patted Ino’s shoulder sympathetically. “At least Chouji is still going to be there with you,” she said.

“Yeah, but it’s not the same when it’s just the two of us.”

“I know all too well what you mean,” Sakura said, nodding solemnly. 

“Sorry, Sakura… I know it’s hard for you and Naruto,” Ino said softly.

Sakura shrugged. “It hurts when he’s not here, but when he’s physically present sometimes I wish he wasn’t,” she said. “I guess at least when he’s away, I can remember him fondly. When he’s here, I’m just hurt.”

Now it was Ino’s turn to comfort her friend. Sai felt like he was responsible, even though it wasn’t his fault Sasuke was the way he was, and he didn’t really have anything to do with the pain in Sakura’s eyes. He couldn’t force Sasuke to change, so all he could do was be there for Sakura. It was really all he could do for anyone, he supposed; he could only be a supportive friend.

Sai decided that he ought to contact Naruto first after all; maybe Naruto was hurting and afraid to ask for help. Sometimes Naruto had mentioned it was hard for him to admit when he needed help, and would suffer for days at a time sometimes just to avoid being a nuisance to his friends. Sai supposed he could relate; he often felt like he was bothering people when he asked them to explain certain mechanisms of their relationships with others or to explain a joke. 

“Sai, do you want to try this? You always get the same thing every time,” Ino said, holding her fork out.

Sai blinked. Was he supposed to use his fork to take the food off of her fork? He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. 

“You can just eat off my fork, Sai.”

Sai realized he must have been staring at the fork. Ino was slowly inching towards him with it, and Sai knew he was overthinking it. He was sure he was, but he still didn’t know what to do. Did he take the fork? Did he move to the fork? He started to feel a twinge of panic.

“Choo choo, open up, the train is on course for the tunnel,” Ino said, standing now and bumping his mouth gently with the food. 

Frightened and not sure what she was trying to say, Sai obeyed, taking the food. 

“Aw, what a good boy! See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Ino said, patting the side of his face.

Sakura was laughing quietly into her soup. Sai was not so sure about whatever it was he had in his mouth. It was weird and he wasn’t sure he was a fan.

“It’s gnocchi,” she said, as if that helped clear anything up for him. 

Sai was still panicking about having eaten off of Ino’s fork—was that okay? Was that normal? He’d probably seen Naruto and Chouji do it to people a million times, when they weren’t looking, but that was always unwelcomed. He supposed it was Ino’s idea, she offered it to him, so it must have been fine, right? 

“Great job, Ino, you’ve killed him.”

“Shut up, Sakura,” Ino said, gently punching her friend. “You can spit it out if you don’t like it, Sai.”

Sai realized he was probably being a little too weird, even for him--- he shook his head and finished chewing the weird… what was this thing again? Gnome-cheese? He was not excited about this food.

“Alright, I have seen you eat some seriously disgusting things without even batting an eye, but this weirds you out?” Ino said, raising an eyebrow. “Yesterday you were eating moldy bread.”

Sai blinked. He didn’t remember that. He squinted--- now that he thought about it, that sandwich had tasted a little odd, he supposed. He didn’t get the chance to finish it though, because when Ino came in, she had screamed and smacked it out of his hand with out any explanation. “I guess it makes sense now,” he said, shrugging. “I just thought you were upset that I was eating without you or something.”

He heard Sakura muttering something about how all men were hopeless under her breath, but Sai didn’t really see what the big deal was; at least he ate. A lot of people didn’t or couldn’t eat as regularly as he did, so he figured it really didn’t matter too much what he ate as long as he did eat. 

At least he wasn’t as bad as Naruto—no one was sure why there was food in Naruto’s fridge, since he didn’t ever eat anything except takeout and instant noodles, but everything that was in his fridge was usually far past expiration. 

**

 

Sai had spent at least twenty minutes staring at his phone, trying to think of something to say, when suddenly it started to ring--- Naruto was calling him.

“Hey, I know we aren’t on good terms right now, but you’re the only one I can get ahold of—my car battery is dead.”

Sai blinked—he didn’t know what Naruto meant by not being on good terms. “Are you at work?”

“Yeah, and it’s cold as balls or I would walk.”

“I’ll be right there,” Sai said, stuffing his feet into his boots and throwing on a coat. Naruto thanked him and hung up.

 

Naruto’s car running, Sai stared as Naruto wound up the jumper cables and put them away. He hadn’t so much as looked at Sai, and Sai wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to do. He didn’t know how to make things right between them, and all he could do was stare. His chest had started to ache at some point, though he wasn’t really sure why; he supposed it could be heartburn, but it didn’t really feel like heartburn.

“I’m going to drive around a bit,” Naruto said, deliberately looking anywhere except his direction. “So you don’t have to follow behind me or anything.”

“Why won’t you talk to Sakura?”

Naruto frowned and got into his car, fiddling with the heater instead of answering. Just as Sai was about to give up on ever receiving an answer, Naruto rolled down the window, still not looking at him. “I’m just hurt, I’ll get over it.”

Sai shut his door and walked back over to Naruto’s car, concerned. “Where are you hurt?”

Naruto shook his head, staring holes into his steering wheel. “It’s my _feelings_ that are hurt. You wouldn’t know anything about that, though, would you?”

Sai could admit that he was not an expert on feelings. He winced--- he had a feeling it was his fault that his friend was hurting so badly. 

“Whatever. I’ll see you later. I don’t want to talk to you right now,” Naruto said.

“Please talk to me when you’re able,” was all Sai could think to say. He knew Naruto was upset, but if he couldn’t talk to him, how was he supposed to help him? Naruto wouldn’t even talk to Sakura, so Sai wasn’t surprised that Naruto didn’t want to talk to him, either, but it was still hard to bare with. 

Knowing Naruto wouldn’t even look at or talk to him made his chest hurt worse. It was a slow, dull ache, and Sai didn’t know what to do about it. It hurt inside, but he couldn’t place where exactly or what was the cause, so all he could do was stand there in the cold parking lot holding his chest and staring at the spot where Naruto’s car had been only moments before. He vaguely wondered if he was having a heart attack, or maybe it was from that weird thing Ino had fed him earlier in the day, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t either of those things. It was getting kind of hard to breathe, though.

He wasn’t really sure what to do, but he could see Naruto’s coworker staring at him from inside the gas station, so Sai held up a hand and climbed into his truck to drive home. He figured it was too early in the morning to bother anyone about this ache in his chest, so when he got home he resolved to just Google it. 

Google of course told him he was dying and had mere minutes to live. He decided to accept that it was just his time to go, and went to bed—he was too tired to worry about dying right now anyways.

 

 

It was around noon when he woke up to Ino mysteriously in his apartment. 

“Oh, you’re sleeping---sorry, the door was unlocked but you weren’t answering, so I got worried.”

Sai blinked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He had left the door unlocked on the premises that if he died, someone would find his body before it stunk, at least. He was alive though, so he guessed Google was wrong, after all. His chest gave a slight pang as he remembered why he had even thought he needed to do that, as if suddenly reminded that something was supposed to be wrong.

“Sai, are you okay? You’re kind of freaking me out, here,” Ino said, setting the plant on his desk and sitting down on the bed next to him, looking him over and feeling his forehead.

“Why does it feel like I have heartburn when Naruto ignores me like this?”

Ino stared at him for a second before letting out a laugh. “Oh, geez, I was so worried--- Sai, are you in love with Naruto or something?”

Sai shook his head. He was definitely sure he would know if he was, and he was sure he wasn’t. He didn’t know why she asked that; she knew as well as anyone that Sai didn’t feel anything more than friendship towards him.

Ino still didn’t seem to believe him. “Well, alright, but to me it sounds like you’re just lovesick or something,” she said. 

Sai was pretty sure that was not the case. He really didn’t understand why people always assumed something was going on between him and Naruto--- he didn’t know where people came up with the idea. 

“You’ll be okay, Sai. I mean, just look at me! I’m okay, and my heart is breaking.”

Sai panicked then, grabbing her shoulder. “What do you mean? Are you sick? Why haven’t you gone to a doctor? Does Sakura know?”

Ino laughed, batting his hand away. “You are so silly sometimes, Sai! It just means I’m really, really sad.”

Sai still didn’t follow--- Ino was always cheery, so how could she be sad? That didn’t make any sense. 

“So there’s nothing _medically_ wrong with me,” she explained further. “I’m sad, because my friends are fighting and they’re all sad, but also because while I’m so very happy for my best friend for getting married, I’m afraid he won’t have time for me and Chouji anymore.”

Sai felt kind of dumb now--- he should have known Ino was upset by them all not getting along, and he had heard her mentioning how she was missing Shikamaru being close to them, as much as they all got along with Temari. He supposed though that if those were things making her sad, then maybe a similar thing was happening to him. “I think I’m sad, then,” he said, looking at his hands, folded in his lap. “Naruto is my friend, and he is upset with me, but won’t tell me how to fix it, even when I say I’m sorry.”

Ino’s gaze softened. “You’re a good friend, Sai. I’m glad Naruto has you, even if right now he’s being stubborn, I think he knows it wasn’t your fault any of this is happening.”

Sai nodded, still frowning.

“I think that the best thing to do in this case is to let Naruto come to terms with it himself.”

“But I’m worried about him,” Sai said, frowning deeper. 

Ino took his hands in hers and waited to speak until he met her eyes. “I know you’re worried, Sakura knows you’re worried, _Naruto_ knows you’re worried,” she said. “But if you pressure him into talking before he’s ready, he’ll just get more upset and things will get worse.”

Sai glanced away--- he knew she was right. She usually was right about these things, even when Sai didn’t want her to be. Waiting was hard, and he wanted more that anything for Naruto to be okay again. “Thank you, Ino. I think I understand a little better now.”

Ino smiled, joining their joined hands up in front of them. “Hey, that’s what friends are for, right? Now come on, you walnut, it’s past noon! Get out of bed already!”

Sai smiled as Ino pulled him out of bed, following her into his living room. She explained the care instructions for his new plant--- a spider plant, this week--- as she got out a coffee filter. She struggled to get the coffee down, though, as at some point he had stuck it on the top shelf of the cupboard. He reached it easily, and started scooping the coffee grounds into the filter she’d prepared while she got water for the pot.

They made coffee and sometimes meals together fairly often during her visits, and they worked well together without ever having really tried to. He had had to learn to work alongside Naruto, especially when he was still groggy, but he hadn’t really needed to worry about it with Ino.

Sai supposed it was because Ino seemed comfortable in almost any situation, really. Sai envied that about her—she always seemed to know what to do, whereas Sai was often just lost in most situations. 

Most of all, though, Sai was comfortable around her—he didn’t feel like he had to pretend to understand everything she talked about, and she was always patient with him when he had questions. She didn’t seem to mind that he was as awkward at times, and didn’t make him feel bad for being as weird as he sometimes was. 

“Are you okay?”

Sai realized he had just been staring at her, scoop still in his hand, still full of grounds, for what had probably been far, far too long. “Oh---sorry,” he said, dumping the scoop in. “I don’t remember how many that was.”

Ino shrugged. “Just add another, either it’s a normal amount or it’s a little strong—either way, I think you need it,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You must have been up really late, huh?”

Sai shrugged—he didn’t really feel like getting into the specifics of his sleep pattern right now. There wasn’t really much of a pattern, he supposed.

“Alright, now it’s down to business--- gee, you need to go grocery shopping, bud.”

Sai sighed. He hated grocery shopping, because he never really knew what to buy, even when he made a list he had a hard time telling himself it was okay to spend money on food. 

“Ooookay, so this is probably breakfast for you, I guess,” she said, pulling out bread and eggs. “But you really don’t have a whole lot of choices today--- how does French toast sound?”

He shrugged. He was impartial. It was a combination of bread and eggs and he didn’t have to eat them separately, so he supposed that was convenient, at least. He didn’t really understand why it was weird to spread jam or syrup on regular eggs and toast, but it was fine to do it to French toast, though—what was really the difference?

He supposed anything was better than how he felt about the gnocchi she had fed him, though. He still didn’t know how to feel about that. As long as it wasn’t that, he supposed he didn’t really care what they made.

“ _Please_ drink your coffee, Sai,” she said, thrusting a mug into his hands. “You are the biggest space-case sometimes—and I grew up with Shikamaru.”

He frowned—he didn’t mean to keep zoning out like this, it kind of just happened to him sometimes. He saw Ino making a face at him as she dumped what was probably not a healthy amount of sugar into her coffee—she often expressed how she thought it was impossible to drink coffee black, but he didn’t really understand what the big deal was. 

Ultimately, Sai kind of just consumed things without tasting them for the most part. Maybe that was his problem. 

“You know, Sai, if you put more sugar in your coffee, maybe you’d be a little sweeter,” she said.

Sai looked away from his cup and stared blankly at her. “I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“It definitely is.”

He met her eyes. “Why aren’t you sweet, then?”

Ino gasped in mock horror and smacked him with the towel. “I can’t believe you!” She laughed as Sai rubbed his arm. “Oh come on, that did not hurt.”

“No, just my pride.”

Ino laughed—it wasn’t often that Sai made any kind of joke, so she was still a little surprised at first when he did. “You don’t have any pride, Sai--- Sakura smacked it out of you the day you met.”

He frowned. “Yeah, you’re right,” he said. Sakura had smacked him a lot during their friendship—usually it was Naruto’s fault, but he got punished just by association. Sometimes, Naruto would get Sai to say something he didn’t understand, having told him it would be funny, and Sai had realized a little too late that it was only funny to Naruto. 

Thinking of Naruto again made his chest hurt, and Ino must have picked up on it, because she rested her hand on his and smiled up at him. “Come on, Sai—let’s just go get something. It’ll help you get your mind off of things,” she said.

Sai nodded. He wondered how Ino had gotten so perceptive, and if he would ever learn that art; she always seemed to know when his mind wandered somewhere he didn’t want it to go, but always managed to pull him out of it just as easily as he’d fallen into it.

“I know it’s cold, but… if you wanted, we could go to the zoo,” she said, putting things back into the fridge. “Or we could go see a movie, or something.”

“Should we invite Sakura?”

Ino shook her head. “Sakura is at her parents—so it’s just us today. That’s pretty exciting, isn’t it?”

Sai nodded. He wasn’t really sure why it was more exciting to her that it was just the two of them, but he wasn’t going to question it. He wanted to question why she always insisted on stealing his sweaters when she saw the opportunity, but knew she would just dodge the question; she always did. She never did it to anyone other than him, although sometimes Sakura and Ino shared clothes, he supposed, but that seemed to be a mutual thing. 

“You really need to invest in more color, Sai,” she said, walking out of his room, already wearing one of his hoodies. “Grey is not a color, Sai.”

He frowned. He was pretty sure it was. He liked grey. 

“You’re pale enough that it probably doesn’t even matter what color it is,” she said, pinching his cheek. “Though I guess maybe they would draw attention away from this pretty face of yours.”

Sai felt his eyebrows knit together. He didn’t know how he was supposed to respond to something like that. “That doesn’t happen to you, though, and you’re really pretty, Ino,” he said.

“Aw, shucks, Sai,” she said, glancing away and gently punching his arm. “You really think so?”

Sai blinked. He didn’t really know what to do with that reaction. Sakura told her she was pretty all the time—Ino never responded like this with her. Was he not supposed to say it? Maybe he had crossed some kind of line--- but she had called _him_ pretty, so that didn’t really make sense to him. “Yeah, of course, Ino,” he said, timidly. He wasn’t sure if that was the right answer—she also wouldn’t look at him, so he couldn’t tell if she was making a face. “Is that… alright?”

Ino looked at him, laughing. “Geez, Sai, relax,” she said, patting him roughly on the back. “You’re so silly, Sai,” she said, shaking her head. “Come on, let’s get going.”

Sai was sure he’d messed up. Ino was never awkward—he was the awkward one, always. He followed her out, locking the door behind him. She seemed like she didn’t really want to talk about it, though, already changed the subject to who was going to drive and where they were going to stop for food. 

Sai hadn’t been especially hungry before, but now his stomach was twisting and turning. He couldn’t afford to upset another friend--- maybe he should just apologize now. He didn’t want to hurt Ino. 

 

“What are you apologizing for?” Ino said, almost dropping her spoon into her soup. “Did you do something I don’t know about?”

Sai frowned into his soup, confused.

“What’s going on, Sai? Are you keeping secrets? Secrets don’t make friends, Sai.”

Sai frowned further. “I didn’t want to upset you,” he said. “I thought it was the right thing to do, but you seemed upset, so I’m sorry if I offended you when I said you were pretty.”

Ino laughed. “What? Sai--- are you serious?” She shook her head. “You’re totally serious. Oh no. I shouldn’t be laughing,” she said, picking up her spoon and setting it back down. “Listen--- I was just not expecting it, okay? Guys don’t… usually say nice things to me,” she said. 

Sai didn’t understand that at all. Why wouldn’t they say something nice to her?

“Well, I guess that’s not totally true—Chouji was really nice to me when we went to prom, but I think that’s because he felt bad for me,” she said, shrugging. “Chouji’s always been nice to me, and I guess Shikamaru is nice in his own way, but they’re like my brothers, so they don’t count.”

Sai nodded. He knew they had grown up together, and had always been good friends, just like their parents. 

She frowned at her soup. “Neither have them have actually ever seen me as a girl, I guess,” she said. “Which is… fine, I guess. I’ve just never been very confident about my looks since the only person who ever tells me I’m pretty is Sakura, and she _has_ to say it.”

“Why does she have to say it?”

“She’s my best friend, if she didn’t say it, I’d punch her in the stupid forehead,” Ino said, laughing softly. “So I was just really surprised, is all, especially hearing it from you.”

Sai didn’t really understand why it was surprising. Ino had a nice face, structure wise, and good skin. Why wouldn’t she think she was pretty? He was a little annoyed that no one ever told her. “I like looking at you, Ino. You have a nice face,” he said, making note to tell her things similar more often.

“I’m flattered, really, but don’t say it if you don’t mean it, Sai.”

Sai got the urge to shake her. “I do mean it, Ino. You’re very aesthetically pleasing.”

“Sai, it’s okay,” she said. “Just let it go for now, okay?”

Sai was confused. Was he upsetting her? She seemed to want people to say she was pretty, but maybe Sai fell in the same category as Shikamaru and Chouji. He nodded. That must have been it—it didn’t count because they were just friends. She wanted someone who said it with more meaning, he guessed. 

“It doesn’t count if it’s coming from a gay guy, anyways,” she said, laughing. “It’s the same as when Sakura says it.”

Sai looked around. Was there some kind of sign that he couldn’t see that was telling people he was gay? He had never decided that he was. He was pretty sure he wasn’t—he hadn’t felt any form of attraction to anyone in particular, aside from admiring someone aesthetically. He was pretty sure that didn’t make him gay. “I don’t like Sasuke, or Naruto.”

Ino raised her eyebrows. “Okay? Who do you like, Sai?”

Sai frowned. “I don’t like any of our guy friends. Or any guys. I don’t know why you and Sakura tell me I’m gay all the time.”

Ino blinked, eating her soup and staring for a minute. “I’m usually not wrong about these things, Sai.”

Sai frowned. “I really don’t think it’s what I am,” he said. “I mean, I haven’t really put a lot of time into thinking about it, I guess, but I don’t think I am.”

“Then what are you, Sai?”

Sai shrugged. “I don’t think I’m anything.”

Ino frowned, sitting back and tapping her spoon against her mouth. “Maybe you’re like Gaara,” she said. “You haven’t met him—he’s Temari’s younger brother, he’s in art school. Kinda weird, but he was a real weirdo when he was younger, he’s like, a socially acceptable amount of weird now.”

Sai nodded. Ino often said he was a socially acceptable amount of weird. He could relate. 

“I think Temari said he was like, asexual or something,” she said. “He’s like, the opposite of Naruto, even though Gaara absolutely loves Naruto, it’s just not in the way that like… It’s not like how Naruto loves Sasuke or anything.”

Sai nodded—he was pretty sure he followed.

“I think he tried to date, once, but it didn’t work out because he’s not interested in sleeping with people, really,” she said, shrugging and leaning forward and pointing her spoon at him. “I think Hinata is like that too,” she dipped her spoon in her soup again, ate it, and went back to using it to point at him. “She uses a different word than Gaara, but I think we all know the only person Hinata would ever think about in any sort of way is Naruto.”

Sai had a vague recollection of some offhanded comments about all of this that someone had made… who was it? He couldn’t remember. Maybe it was Neji. He could almost hear Neji talking about something like this. 

“But I think you can still be gay and asexual,” she said, now back to tapping her spoon against her lips and searching the ceiling for answers. “So I might not be wrong.”

Sai sighed. She was back to that again. “Do you want me to be gay or something?”

Ino shrugged. “I mean, it doesn’t really matter what you’re into as long as they’re able to legally consent,” she said. “It just seems like that would be how the universe works, that you would be.”

Sai didn’t know what that was supposed to mean. He was still confused and didn’t really want to think about all of this. He didn’t really understand any of it. He just wanted to have friends, really. He knew Sakura said Ino was straight, but he’d also never heard Ino say anything about it, so he decided he should probably ask her.

Ino shrugged. “I’ve kissed girls at parties and girls are pretty, but I’ve only ever had crushes on like two guys in my life, and one of them was Sasuke,” she said. “Everyone had a crush on Sasuke growing up, in some way or another.”

Sai really didn’t think Sasuke was that attractive, but it was a small town, he supposed. “I’ve never had a crush on anyone.”

Ino smiled, but it wasn’t a very happy smile. “I know you haven’t, Sai. Don’t worry, you’ll find someone someday,” she said. “If you don’t, you can help me raise all my plants. I’m doomed to be the crazy plant lady for the rest of my life. I guess I should pick up some cats.”

Sai laughed a little. “You’re already a crazy plant lady, Ino,” he said, wincing as she kicked him under the table. “I like cats, though.”

Ino rolled her eyes. “I’m joking about all this, Sai—you’re an attractive guy, even as pale as you are. You’ll find someone.”

Sai frowned. “Why do you think that you wouldn’t, if I would?” 

Ino shook her head. “You wouldn’t understand, Sai.”

“Then help me to understand,” he said. “I won’t understand if you don’t let me.”

She smiled softly, patting his hand. He realized he had balled his hands up and had started digging his nails into his palms, and he released his fists now. She picked up his fingers one by one, dropping them on the table in the same manner. “You’re a good friend, Sai,” she said. “You’re really sweet, which is I guess why you never have to add sugar to anything. You’re sweet enough on your own--- but there’s some things I don’t think that you can learn unless you experience it, and that’s why I can’t explain it.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that no matter what I do, no one will ever see me as more than a friend,” she said, shrugging. “I’m everyone’s friend, but no one really cares that much about me—maybe Sakura, but she has Naruto and Sasuke to worry about, too, and even Lee loves her. I’m no one’s favorite.”

Sai didn’t like hearing her talk about herself this way. “What about Chouji and Shikamaru?”

Ino raised an eyebrow. “They both have girlfriends, and I’m on the backburner ever since.”

Sai frowned. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do in this situation. He didn’t think he had a favorite friend, really. He didn’t know that was really a thing, he supposed. He’d heard of best friends, obviously, but Naruto had like a million best friends. 

“Sai, you don’t have to make me feel better,” she said. “It isn’t your job to make everyone feel better all the time. Sometimes you can’t fix people, and you shouldn’t exhaust yourself trying to. It’s okay, really.”

Sai didn’t like what she was saying at all, now. He wanted to make her feel better. He didn’t like seeing his friends sad. 

“I know, I know--- stop it, Sai,” she said, smiling at him. “It’s natural for someone to be sad sometimes, okay? I’ll get over it, I’m just, winter and holidays make me feel a little sadder than usual because people tend to pair up more, and I’m always left behind.”

Sai didn’t understand that, really. “You’re not alone, though,” he said, frowning at her.

“Maybe not in the sense that there’s no one around, but like I said, I’m no one’s favorite,” she said, shrugging and finishing her soup while still messing with his fingers with her free hand. “And don’t feel like you’re obligated to make some kind of statement or anything, Sai. I know that it wouldn’t be genuine and if you ever did say something like that, I would want it to be.”

Sai frowned, nodding and sitting back. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore if it meant Ino would stay sad and he couldn’t help her. It was difficult for him because he wanted to tell her she could be his favorite person, but knew that she wouldn’t accept it. Even if she did, he didn’t think he really understood the significance—he could tell that ‘favorite person’ didn’t really mean best friend, as he had thought at first. He knew relationships and friendships were different, in more ways than just sexual, but he didn’t really have any more understanding of them than that, since he’d really only read about them in books. 

“Alright, let’s go freeze our behinds off, I wanna see some cute animals playing in the snow,” Ino said, grinning widely and jumping out of her chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo you ever just look at the time and realize that you have to go to bed soon, because i just did that and yikes i think i was supposed to do something today too oops  
> also i can't stand gnocchi it weirds me out, sorry if you love it, i don't know why it upsets me because I should like it in theory, it's made of my favorite things, but i just don't ok


	8. Seize the day

At some point, Naruto began talking to Sakura again. Sakura wouldn’t say much about it, but she assured Sai it had nothing to do with him; he’d done nothing wrong. Sai couldn’t help but feel that it was in fact his fault. Naruto still wasn’t talking to him, though he supposed he had waved at him once or twice before ducking into his apartment.

It was an improvement, at least. In the meantime, Sai stuck close to Sakura and Ino, if only because Sai was sure Ino would pull him from the depths of hell to give him plants. Lately, she had begun bringing him her sick plants, -- ones that for some reason weren’t doing great at her apartment. She had a theory that Sai could probably get them back to a healthy status; Sai wasn’t really sure how that worked but the plants she brought did seem to do well with him.

“Ino, why aren’t you going into botany?”

Ino shrugged, looking at him. “I minored in botany, but my parents are both botanists, so I feel like that’s all fine and well, but knowing how they grow isn’t enough,” she said, shrugging. “I want to be able to help people with them—plants can have a lot of power if you give them the chance.”

Sai nodded. He didn’t know too much about plants, aside from what he’d picked up from her, and that Shin had always made a point to explain to him not to eat the friendly looking red berries in the yard, because that was “nightshade” and he’d “die.”

Sai had only ever felt more tempted to eat them after that, but he’d restrained himself.

“Anyways, I know that homeopathy is usually regarded as a hoax, but for some people it does work—a lot of people are really not compatible with certain pharmaceuticals, but for some reason the plant based version works for them,” she said placing a plant in his hands and pointing to the windowsill. “I want to make sure that if people do go that route, that they do so in a healthy manner—plants still have side effects, and if you’re messing with dosages you can really make a mess of things.” 

Sai remembered all the times Ino had forced him to eat or drink weird things and vaguely wondered if she had just been using him as a test animal. He squinted at her from where he stood at the windowsill and then shrugged. He didn’t ultimately care about his mortality anyways, so why would it matter if she accidentally poisoned him? 

“What was that?” Ino said, suddenly sounding offended. 

Sai blinked. He didn’t have an answer. He searched for something quickly, smiling as politely as he could muster. “I was just trying to remember if you always had that glimmer in your eye when you looked at your plants, is all,” he said, turning quickly back around before she noticed his fearful expression. She wasn’t Sakura, so he wasn’t quite as afraid of her wrath if he tripped up, but he knew she could be brutal—though that seemed to mostly be reserved for Shikamaru and Choji. 

“They’re my children.” 

Sai squinted a little. It was a joke, he knew, but she had sounded so serious that he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to laugh. 

“It’s like you, with stationary. You’re the only one in the world who has ever gotten excited to buy pencils.”

“That’s not true. We saw someone at the store who was way more excited than me,” Sai said, frowning.

“Sai he was five.”

 

**

 

Sai was out shopping with Ino, which was slowly becoming a regular occurrence. Sai had never really minded, because he liked to spend time with Ino even when she was physically dragging him into small, dark stores in the mall. Today was different though, because they were shopping for her father’s birthday. Ino seemed stressed—she kept saying that it was impossible to shop for someone who had everything he needed. 

Sai didn’t really know what that meant, and didn’t know him at all, so he really wasn’t sure how to help her. He wasn’t really sure why she hadn’t asked Sakura or even Shikamaru or Chouji to help; they at least knew the man. He knew Sakura wasn’t doing anything today—she had been sitting on the couch eating ice cream from the tub and watching cartoons in her pajamas when he had gone to see what was taking Ino so long. 

Hinata had quietly explained that Ino’s hair was stuck in the blow dryer. Sai wasn’t even aware that was a possibility, but had been assured it was a common occurrence in their household--- Sakura had leaned her head back and yelled something about Ino cutting her hair all off like she had.

Clearly, Ino had no intention of cutting her hair short. Apparently she had cut her hair as a teen with Sakura and donated it, but unlike Sakura, decided to grow it back out. Sai didn’t really understand the attachment to her hair that she held, but he supposed he didn’t really understand the attachment to most things, either. 

“Sai! Sai, I think I’ve figured it out,” she said, roughly pulling him the opposite direction of where they’d been headed. “He definitely could use ear muffs.”

“Ear muffs?” Sai wasn’t an expert, but he was pretty sure most people didn’t wear them. 

Ino deflated, nodding. “You’re right… this is hopeless. He always gets me everything I’ve ever wanted, but I can’t even figure out one stupid gift for him.”

Sai frowned, patting her shoulders. He wasn’t really sure what to do, being that he had never really had to buy gifts for anyone, and the most he’d ever done was make things for Shin as a child. Shin had always seemed to like anything he’d made, though, so he supposed that probably didn’t help any. “Ino, if you can’t buy something, why don’t you make him something?”

Ino shook her head. “I’m not crafty at all,” she said, frowning. 

Sai frowned. “I don’t think he will be upset if you aren’t a master at crafts,” he said. ”I don’t know a whole lot about families, of course.” 

Ino seemed to think about it for a while, before digging her hands into her hair. “That makes things even worse—I have no idea what to make him.”

Sai frowned. “I think dads like turtles,” he said, shrugging. “Rock Lee says he gets turtles for Guy.”

Guy wasn’t exactly Lee’s father, and had no children of his own, but Lee seemed to view him as a father figure, after having grown up learning from Guy. 

Ino made a face, shaking her head. “I couldn’t do that, my mom would _kill_ me.”

Sai frowned. He was pretty sure that wasn’t an appropriate response, especially since it wasn’t for Ino’s mom. “Well, what does your father like?”

Ino groaned, slumping. “He likes plants, but I can’t give him plants, or really anything about plants, because he already probably has three,” she said. 

“Why didn’t you ask Sakura or Shikamaru or Chouji?”

“I _did_ ask--- they told me they weren’t helping me,” she said. “Well, Chouji said if I bought all his groceries for the next year, he would help me, but… I would need three jobs.”

Sai was starting to understand why she had asked him; he was the only one who didn’t know what he was getting himself into. “We could make him a sculpture of a plant,” he said, shrugging. 

Ino shook her head. “Nope, can’t do it. It’ll look awful.”

Sai sighed. “Ino, you don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do--- it will be awful. I can’t--- _wait,_ ” she said, pounding her fist on her hand suddenly and looking over at him sheepishly. “ _You_ can draw and paint.”

Sai blinked.

“I’ll pay you, don’t worry, I’m not like that--- but you could do it, couldn’t you?”

He blinked again. “Do what, exactly?”

Ino grabbed his arms and shook him briefly, before pulling out her phone and shoving a picture in his face. “This is his favorite, most prized bush. He planted it the day I was born,” she said. “He’s always saying it’s like his second child, except this one will never leave him to get married, the usual dad spiel, you know.”

Sai didn’t know. He nodded anyways. 

“Could you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Sai--- could you do like… a painting of it, or something? That I can frame?”

Sai raised an eyebrow but nodded. 

“Great--- I’ll send you pictures; how much do you want?”

Sai blinked. He had never had anyone offer to pay him for his work. He didn’t know how much to charge someone—he didn’t think he was that skilled that he deserved to be paid. He supposed he probably would need a proper canvas and maybe more green paint—he figured he could probably just ask her to cover supply costs.

“Um, no, Sai, I have to pay you for your time—that’s how that works,” she said when he mentioned it. “I guess we can go by how long it takes you, if that’s easier for you,” she said, crossing her arms. “Take your time though, because this is important.”

Sai nodded—he didn’t rush art anyways. It’s not like he had anything going on really, anyways, so he didn’t have any excuse to rush anything.

Ino suddenly was hugging him, which kind jolted him out of his thoughts; in his mind, he had already been mapping out the composition. He returned the hug, confused, and Ino partially broke away from him. “I’m so happy I could kiss you—I won’t, don’t give me that look.”

 

**

 

It took him a day to map everything out, and two more to get everything to his liking. He was particular when he had a reference to work off of; it didn’t make sense to him to have the access of a reference but not use it to perfect his work. He had to match the exact color of the leaves, the exact color of the flowers, the exact way the sunset hit the scenery, the exact amount of wear and tear on the humble bench seated in front of the bench. 

That being said, he hadn’t worked for hours on end—often times, Ino would stop by and check on the progress while also bringing him food; all of his favorites, because she had at some point memorized what places he liked the tofu at the best, and Sai was kind of surprised to know that she had even noticed his food preferences.

He wasn’t exactly picky, after all.

He had sent her a text after he was sure it was dry and ready to be framed, but she didn’t respond—he glanced at the clock and realized it was almost four in the morning. It was no wonder she hadn’t responded; most people were probably asleep right now.

Sai realized that he wasn’t tired, for once. He almost never felt this way—he didn’t know what to do. His eyes swept across his apartment. He had nothing to really clean, since he didn’t really own anything to clutter his apartment. He had taken down the pillow fort about two weeks ago, since Naruto seemed in no rush to revisit their friendship. He frowned, and decided that it would probably be best if he didn’t stay in his apartment thinking. 

 

He stepped out into the brisk cold of the January night, letting out a deep breath. He was well dressed for the weather—it was a balmy--- well, he wasn’t sure what temperature it was, but it was well below the freezing point and he was glad he had remembered his gloves and scarf. The cold was already beginning to bite at his cheeks, and he dug into his scarf with his nose. It was quiet, since not many people travelled at this time of night, but he could hear cars in the distance.

Distantly, he wondered if Sasuke would come back this month, and if he would have to interact with him. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that, so maybe it would be best if they simply didn’t interact, since he wouldn’t know what to say anyways. He didn’t really think he was necessarily afraid of Sasuke himself, but maybe he was a little afraid of having to be in a similar situation. 

Sai shook away those thoughts as a car approached—it was Naruto’s car. He wasn’t sure Naruto would be too enthused to see him, but Sai couldn’t really find it in himself to go back inside. Naruto parked and then got out, seemingly confused—Sai supposed it probably was weird that he was out here in the cold just standing there like this. 

“Were you… waiting for me?”

Sai blinked, shaking his head and reburying his face into his scarf. 

Naruto frowned. “Why are you out here? It’s freezing.”

Sai shrugged. He didn’t really know—he didn’t want to be inside but there wasn’t much you could do in this town at this time of night. Or morning, he supposed—either way, it was a small town; the only thing open right now aside from the gas stations was probably McDonalds. He really wasn’t hungry, so he hadn’t any motivation to go there. 

“Did you… lock yourself out?”

Sai shook his head again. “I needed to get air.”

“There’s air inside,” Naruto said. “Air that won’t hurt your face.”

“That’s okay.”

“Are you okay?”

Sai’s eyebrows knit together. Of course he was okay. Why was Naruto acting this way? “Are you okay, Naruto?”

Naruto fidgeted, pulling at his hoodie. He wasn’t wearing a coat--- or gloves. If you looked at Naruto to gauge the temperature outside, he would definitely lead you astray. “I don’t know. Probably.”

“Do you want to talk?”

Naruto bit his lip, looking down at his shoes. “I just got fired,” he said, fists balling up. “I have enough for rent and everything, I’m just shaken up. I’ve worked there for three years.”

Sai nodded. Naruto had never expressed having any major conflicts with the place itself, aside from having been robbed once in his first few months working there. “Do you want to come in?”

Naruto looked up at him, blinking. “Would… that be okay? You don’t have to be nice to me; I’ve been a shit friend.”

Sai shrugged—he didn’t hold any sort of resentment towards Naruto. It hurt him a little that Naruto hadn’t talked to him in weeks, but he couldn’t really hold it against him. He had his reasons. Sai held out his hand, which Naruto took, and led him into a gently hug. He wasn’t good at feelings, or at comforting people, but that was what Ino had done whenever he seemed to be upset himself, so it must have worked for other people, right? 

Naruto was shaking, but Sai chalked it up to the fact that he wasn’t really dressed appropriately for the weather. “Let’s go inside, Naruto,” he said, gently patting the taller man on the back. 

Naruto nodded, sniffling loudly. Sai hoped that he wasn’t sick. He didn’t have that many tissues. 

“Thank you, Sai,” he said, still holding onto Sai’s sleeve as he opened the door. “You don’t have to be so nice to me.”

Sai blinked—why did Naruto keep saying that? “Why would I not be nice to you? You’re my friend.”

“That easily? You just—forgave me that easily?”

“Forgive you for what, Naruto? For needing space?”

Naruto stared at him, and Sai frowned. He could see tears forming in his eyes already—Sai could never understand how Naruto could cry so easily. Before he knew it, Naruto was hugging him again, and Sai just really wanted to finish pouring milk into the cups so he could make hot chocolate for them, but Naruto was apparently in no rush for hot chocolate. After a few minutes, Naruto released him, and Sai went back to pouring the milk and then put them in the microwave to heat up. He decided he was warm enough now to take off his coat, and grabbed the blanket off the couch for Naruto to wrap around his shoulders, as Naruto often liked to do. 

“I’ve been talking to Sakura,” he said. Sai nodded—he knew that much. “It’s… It’s been a weird time. I… think between Sakura and I, we’ve actually managed to get Sasuke to admit he has a drinking problem.”

Sai nodded—he had deduced that Sasuke had a problem when he was drunk in the morning. 

Naruto accepted the mug of hot chocolate Sai handed him, frowning until Sai brought out the bag of marshmallows. “He says that once he finishes up his work there, he’ll go to rehab, but we aren’t sure he actually will,” Naruto said, shaking his head. “It’s one thing to admit you have a problem, but it’s a totally different thing to actually get help for it.”

Sai nodded. He had read something about addiction at some point. He had read a lot of things. 

“I just want him to be himself again,” Naruto said, quietly. “He said he’s resigning from his job.”

“Do we still not know what that is?”

“He… still won’t say what it is he actually does, but, they put him in danger a lot.”

Sai nodded, he hadn’t really heard any different. “It’s good that he is looking for a change, though. You have to be patient, Naruto.”

Naruto nodded, frowning. “I feel responsible, though.”

“It’s not your fault,” Sai said, confused. “You didn’t force him to become an alcoholic.”

Naruto shook his head. “I didn’t stop him, either, though. I just ignored it all and told myself he was fine,” he said. “This whole time, he’s been suffering the most, and we were all too blind to see it.”

“How could you have seen it if he was trying so hard to pretend he was fine, too?”

Naruto frowned and finished his hot chocolate, getting up from the chair and rinsing it out so it didn’t dry into the cup. “I’m supposed to be the one that knows him like the back of my own hand.”

“Naruto, one time you hit yourself in your sleep and tried to fight your own hand,” he reminded him.

Naruto glared at him. “You know what I mean—I should have seen it,” he said. “I mean, he’s always been a grump, but this was different. This was just anger. He was so shut off, and he just let it build up.”

Sai watched as Naruto crumpled up on his couch and went over to him, rubbing his shoulders. 

“So I guess that means Sasuke and I can begin the job search together.”

Sai nodded. “That’s one way to look at it,” he said. “It also means you can help him stay well, doesn’t it?”

Naruto seemed to think about it before nodding. “I can make sure he goes to his therapy appointments, I guess—it’s not like I’ll have too much time with school and a new job, but it’s at least something, right?”

Sai nodded. 

“I just,” Naruto stopped, frowning. “I love Sasuke, but maybe we aren’t meant to be together. I can’t make him better, and he doesn’t need my problems added onto his,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t think I should let him sleep with me as a way to take out his problems.” 

Sai didn’t really know a whole lot about that kind of thing. “Probably not.”

Naruto shrugged. “I told him I don’t think I want to be with him like that, and he didn’t really seem to care,” he said, hugging a pillow and resting his chin on it. “That kind of doesn’t make me feel very loved, you know? Makes me wonder if I matter to him at all.”

Sai frowned. “Maybe he didn’t want you to know that he was hurt, because he knew you were making the right decision.”

Naruto thought about it. “I guess you’re probably right. It’s just, hard to not feel a little weird when you’ve slept with someone for so long, and you’re just so familiar with someone, but then you can’t do that anymore, you know?”

Sai did not, in fact, know. He nodded anyways.

“At the same time, though, our relationship has never been very healthy,” Naruto went on. “So maybe it’s what’s best for both of us, really,” he smiled a little. “I hope Sasuke does well and gets past this.”

Sai nodded, smiling softly with him. He wanted that for Naruto and Sakura’s sake more so than Sasuke’s. “I think you’re making the right choice, Naruto. If things work out well and you decide to get back together, that’s great,” he said. “If not, that’s still good too. You’re your own separate person, and sometimes you need to branch out and grow apart before you try to grow together.” He had learned that from Ino, specifically. 

“Thanks, Sai. You’re a good friend,” he said, smiling. “I’m glad you turned out to be a decent person.”

Sai blinked. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”

Naruto made a face. “You were… kinda unfeeling at first. I wasn’t sure you weren’t secretly planning to kill us all in some horrible way.”

“What?”

Naruto laughed nervously, flapping a hand. 

**

 

When Sai opened the door to let Naruto out, he was a little confused. Hinata was standing in front of Naruto’s door, hand raised as if she was about to knock, as she looked over, clearly surprised. 

“Hinata! Hey! What are you doing here?” Naruto said, grinning and ambling over to her energetically. 

Sai was pretty sure Naruto hadn’t had that much energy a few minutes ago when Sai had shaken him awake after he had fallen asleep on the couch. Sai watched as Hinata looked like she was about to pass out, bracing himself to have to catch her. 

“I—I was wondering if Neji was with you,” she said, nervously. 

Naruto frowned. “Neji? No, I think he said he had to go home, didn’t he?”

Hinata frowned. “He wasn’t at home when I called there, though… I hope he’s okay,” she said, clearly worried. “It’s not like him to not answer his phone…”

Sai didn’t know much about Neji, other than he seemed to feel personally responsible for Hinata—he also didn’t know if they were siblings or cousins, because he had occasionally heard them referring to each other as either. 

“Well, maybe he forgot it,” Naruto suggested, scratching his head. “Have you tried asking Lee or Tenten? They probably talked to him more recently than I have.”

Hinata wiped a tear that suddenly fell. “They didn’t know either,” she said. “Neji never goes anywhere without telling someone.”

Naruto nodded. “Do you want to go look for him?”

Hinata nodded. Sai was kind of impressed that she hadn’t fainted yet. 

“Kiba probably will help,” Naruto said, pulling out his phone. “Him and Shino can pretty much find anyone.”

Hinata was still crying. 

“Hinata, do you want to sit while Naruto calls them?”

Hinata nodded timidly, and Sai gestured for her to go ahead into his apartment—no one should have to be submitted to the hellish landscape of Naruto’s apartment, especially not someone as sweet and innocent as Hinata. Satisfied that she was okay on the couch, Sai made her a cup of hot chocolate while they waited for the rest of the group. 

“Is his phone dead, Hinata?”

Hinata shook her head. 

“How long has he been missing?” 

“A few hours.”

Sai wasn’t sure it was really time to be concerned yet, if it had only been a few hours—maybe he had his phone on silent and was busy. “Was that when you lost saw him, or when you started looking for him?”

“That was when I saw him leaving,” she said, quietly. “He got in his car and drove away.”

Sai nodded. “Have you tried calling him again?”

“It’s… been an hour, I think.”

Sai pulled out his phone and called--- Hinata’s father was his emergency contact on his leasing information, but Hinata said he wasn’t home, so he called Neji’s phone. 

It picked up after a few rings, but all Sai heard was shuffling, so he hung up. “He’s at least alive,” he said, shrugging. “Walking or something.”

Hinata didn’t seem comforted by that any. 

“Sorry—I know this is kind of dumb, but have you checked the Snapchat map?”

Hinata’s eyes widened as she pulled out her phone, and Sai watched as the color came rushing back to her face and more tears welled up. “It says he’s here.”

Sai wasn’t sure how that made sense, if she’d seen him leaving. He frowned and went to the window--- Neji’s car was parked in it’s usual spot. “Hinata… are you sure he left?”

Hinata nodded.

“Why is his car here?”

Hinata blinked and ran to the window to see—Neji’s car was definitely there. She frowned and ran out of Sai’s apartment. Sai followed at a slower pace—he was pretty sure Hinata had some sort of heart problem considering how often she fainted, but he had no real evidence of that.

Hinata crashed through the small gathering at the base of the stares that included Kiba and Shino, with an unforeseen strength, almost knocking them both over. She ran up both flights of stairs and it sounded like she crashed through the door of Neji’s apartment, but Sai was relieved to see she hadn’t. Instead, she had just slammed into an unsuspecting Tenten, who was fiddling with the spare key to Neji’s apartment. 

“Hey, now, calm down,” Tenten said, hugging Hinata and laughing. “I’m sure he’s fine, Hinata.”

Sai was starting to wonder if maybe the reason Tenten and Lee didn’t know where he was, was simply because Lee wasn’t home and Tenten wasn’t there. 

Tenten was wiping away Hinata’s tears when Sai got to the top of the stairs with them, and she turned and finished opening the door.

“Neji, Hinata has been calling everyone trying to find you,” Tenten said, hugging Hinata and gently swaying. “She saw you leave but didn’t see you come back, I guess.”

Sai wondered if maybe this happened often. Tenten didn’t seem worried in the least.

He was about to go back down the stairs when he heard Tenten yelling, and what sounded like someone falling—Naruto, Kiba and Shino all came rushing up.

Sai wasn’t really sure what was happening when he got into the apartment, but Neji was on the ground seizing, Akumaru was laying near him to keep his head from slamming into the floor, and Kiba was just standing there keeping everyone back while they all more or less watched. 

Tenten was still holding Hinata, who was crying, rubbing her back and talking quietly. Naruto was quietly petting her hair, frowning and glancing at Neji with concern. 

The seizure lasted only a few minutes, and Kiba rolled Neji onto his side and checked on him, talking in a low voice and brushing back his hair as Neji vomited. After a while, Neji sat up, accepting the water that Shino had gotten per Kiba’s instructions. 

Sai was probably as confused as it seemed Neji was—Kiba seemed to have a firm grasp on what was happening and what to do; something Sai realized was probably from experiencing them himself, which is why Akumaru was trained to cushion people’s heads while they convulsed. 

Eventually, Kiba helped Neji stand and sit on the couch, where it was obvious that Neji hadn’t really realized that everyone was in his living room with him—he didn’t seem overly appreciative. 

Hinata was still crying into Tenten’s shirt, but Naruto had gone over to Neji and sat next to him, and was talking to him while Kiba was on the phone—Sai didn’t know who with, though, it seemed Kiba was asking if he needed to take Neji to the hospital or not.

“Hinata, will you please stop crying?”

Hinata squeaked quietly and wiped her face on her sleeves as soon as Neji spoke to her, pulling away from Tenten.

“Seriously—you would think I had already died,” Neji said, frowning. “You really shouldn’t worry everyone with these types of things, Hinata.”

Hinata didn’t seem to agree, at all—Sai was fairly certain that she knew something that no one else did--- and she went back to softly crying on Tenten

Mostly, Sai felt like he shouldn’t be there, but he didn’t want to leave, either, as that would probably be even more uncomfortable. It wasn’t that he wasn’t concerned, but he also didn’t know Neji as well as the rest of them. 

Neji sighed, curling his knees to his chest as Naruto rubbed his shoulders. If anyone else noticed he was crying, they didn’t say anything. Kiba hung up from his phone call with a sigh and walked back over. 

“I’m going to take you to the hospital, Neji,” he said, softly. “They’re going to have to run some tests, but you should be out later today—do you want me to call anyone for you?”

Sai vaguely wondered how Kiba had managed to learn how to deal with this kind of situation, and wondered vaguely if maybe he was the only one who didn’t know what was going on in this situation, after all. 

Neji was taken to the hospital, Tenten passing the crying Hinata off to Naruto and Sai and wishing them luck—Sai got the impression she wasn’t that comfortable with Hinata after all. He was surprised a little that Hinata would willingly cling to Naruto and cry, being that she normally froze up upon so much as hearing Naruto. 

About an hour or so later, Hinata seemed to be okay enough to realize who she was crying on, and went back to being her usual self—Naruto just smiled at her, confused. Sai wondered if maybe Naruto would have been more apt to get to know Hinata if he could talk to her without her panicking. 

Shino was still there. He had kind of just lurked in the room—Sai had forgotten he was there. Hinata instantly attached herself to him, though he made no real notice of his new growth, other than saying something quietly to her, to which she nodded.

Naruto seemed lost, and stood up. “Well, I guess there’s no sense in hanging out here, then,” he said. “Do you all want to get something to eat so we aren’t driving ourselves nuts?”

Hinata whispered to Shino, who nodded to her and then at Naruto. “Hinata says that we should invite Sakura and Ino, if they are awake.”

“Hinata, do you really hate me so much that you have to talk through him?” Naruto asked, pained. 

“She doesn’t hate you,” Shino responded without prompting. “Let’s go.”

Naruto grumbled the entire way down to the girls’ apartment, letting himself in their apartment and knocking on Sakura’s bedroom door, still muttering under his breath. 

Ino wandered out of their shared bathroom, toothbrush in her mouth, confused. She disappeared back in and came back a second later without the toothbrush. “Excuse me, Naruto, what are you doing?”

Naruto explained everything, Ino frowning. “Sakura probably won’t be up to going—she has the stomach flu. Let her sleep,” she said, grabbing her coat. “I’ll go, though—Hinata probably doesn’t want to be surrounded by you creeps.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t really like me very much,” Naruto said, frowning. 

Sai wondered how clueless Naruto really was—everyone else in the world pretty much knew Hinata had the biggest crush on him. He supposed he shouldn’t have been too surprised though, it was Naruto after all. He was sometimes even more oblivious than Sai.

**

Kiba called Shino a few hours later, and Shino gave the phone to Hinata, who started crying again and handed the phone back. Shino gave short responses to Kiba before hanging up. 

“He’ll be fine,” was all Shino said. No one questioned him—well, Naruto tried, but didn’t get anywhere. Shino didn’t seem to humor Naruto at all; he didn’t seem to be outright mean, though—Sai had his suspicions that he did it just to get a rise out of Naruto. 

When Hinata eventually got ahold of herself again, she sighed, looking at the table. “The medicine Neji took caused the seizure,” she said. “Since he puked most of it up after the seizure, they didn’t have to pump his stomach or anything.”

Naruto frowned, nodding and patting Hinata’s hand from across the table, having to lean over Sai to do so. 

“Neji will be home in a week, probably,” Shino added. 

Hinata was crying again. Sai wondered if she could outcry Naruto in a contest—he didn’t think that was the kind of thing he should be thinking about right now. He glanced at Naruto, who was at this point crying just as hard as Hinata. Ino grabbed his hand, prompting Sai to look at her where she was sitting on her other side. She had tears in her eyes. He didn’t understand what was happening, but wrapped his arm around her shoulders and let her lean on him. He glanced at Shino, who seemed unchanged. 

Sai wondered if Shino was sad, too. He might have been outwardly fine, but Shino knew what was going on, so he probably knew why everyone else was crying. 

Sai and Shino were the only two weren’t crying, so they wrapped up everyone’s bills and headed home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heck sorry


	9. Of Life and Liking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sai doesn't understand any of this, but Ino doesn't know what's happening, either.

Hinata, Naruto and Ino stayed at Sai’s apartment for the night, much to his surprise. Shino went home—he said something about feeding his roaches. Sai made hot chocolate for all of the remaining people in his apartment, while Naruto put on a movie and rebuilt the pillow fort to include the couch, as well as the re-inflated air mattress.

Ino helped Sai, mostly, or simply tried to comfort Hinata. Sai still wasn’t really sure what was happening—Hinata herself had said Neji was fine, so why was everyone still crying? He was clearly the only one missing something.

After the second movie, Hinata fell asleep leaning against Naruto, who was rapidly beginning to nod off as well. Ino was curled up on the couch next to Sai, wrapped in a blanket and huddled up against his side as she alternated watching the movie and texting Sakura to see how she was feeling and updating her on what had taken place in her absence.

“I guess these two are going to sleep here tonight,” Ino said, smiling down at them softly. “She always dreamt of hugging him, I just feel bad that this is the circumstance that she got to do that.”

Sai nodded, frowning. 

Ino leaned over the two sleeping on the air mattress and took a picture, glancing back at Sai. “Hinata will probably want this,” she said, winking. “Anyways—you finished the painting, right?”

Sai nodded—with all the chaos of the day, he had nearly forgotten. He carefully got up and helped Ino do the same, leading her over to where he had stored it on the easel with a cover to keep off any dust. 

“Oh, Sai, it’s beautiful!” Ino said, quietly as possible and hugging him tightly. “My dad is gonna cry.”

“I don’t want to make him sad,” Sai said, frowning.

Ino smiled. “No, Sai. My dad cries when he’s happy too.”

“Your dad sounds weird,” he said, confused a bit. 

“He is weird,” she said, shrugging. “All dads are a little weird, in their own way.” She broke away from her hold on Sai to look closer. “Man, you even got the texture of the bench right, it looks like it’ll splinter right into your ass, just like the real one.”

Sai muffled a small laugh. Ino stepped back and looked up at him, smiling. “He’ll probably love this almost as much as he loves the bush.”

“Didn’t you say he loves the bush as much as you?”

Ino nodded once. “Should we put it in the frame now?”

Sai shrugged—it didn’t really matter to him when they framed it. He pulled the frame out and set it on the floor, easing the back off. Ino gently laid the painting down, making sure it lined up evenly with the edges and then stepped aside so Sai could replace the backing. He picked it up and turned towards her.

Ino quietly squeaked, smiling brightly. Sai set the frame on the table, where it wouldn’t fall over. He turned back, and Ino hugged him again, grinning up at him, her chin slowly digging into his sternum. He blinked at her, confused, as she then dug her face into his shirt and shook her head. He didn’t know what that meant, but he was guessing she was happy—that was what mattered to him.

“I guess I should go back upstairs and go sleep in my own bed,” she said, pulling away and glancing at the two sleeping. “I hope Sakura is done puking. I hate that noise.”

“You can stay here too, if you want,” he said, not really thinking. “I mean, if you don’t mind sharing my bed.”

Ino flushed for a minute before laughing quietly and smacking his arm. “Sai, you can’t just ask a girl to sleep with you in her moment of weakness,” she said. 

He blinked, confused still. 

Ino nervously laughed and glanced away. “I, well—that’s really nice of you, Sai, but I really shouldn’t impose, and you know Sakura is sick, so—“

“You won’t hurt my feelings by saying no, Ino,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “If you’d rather sleep in your own bed, I understand.”

Ino stopped and blinked. “What?”

Sai frowned. “I only offered because you said you didn’t want to listen to Sakura throwing up,” he said. “I don’t know why you’re acting weird about it—Naruto sleeps in my bed all the time.”

Ino bit her lip. “I’m just, being silly,” she said, shaking her head. “Of course you don’t mean anything weird, you’re Sai, what am I thinking?”

Sai was completely lost. “Anything weird? What could I mean?”

Ino gently punched his arm before grabbing his hands. “Well, you know—what Naruto means when he takes people to bed,” she said, waving their joined hands around as she stared at the ground.

Sai blinked—he didn’t know why she thought he would ask her that. After all, she was the one who thought he was gay, and then suggested him to be asexual. 

“I mean, I was going to say you at least have to take me to dinner first,” she said, smiling up at him. 

“We get dinner all the time, Ino,” he said, eyebrows turning up in confusion. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Ino sighed, resting her forehead on his chest as she shook her head. “Never mind, Sai, I’m just tired,” she said, letting go of his hands so she could wrap her arms around his waist again. “I’m gonna go check on Sakura, but if she’s still gross, I’ll probably come back down here.”

Sai nodded, watching as she let herself out. He climbed back onto the couch, confused about the entirety of their conversation.

Did Ino think about these sorts of things? Sai occasionally thought about things like this, but he didn’t really know where the thoughts came from, and they weren’t generally featuring anyone in particular, they were just thoughts. Did normal people think about sex a lot? He supposed people like Naruto probably did, but he wasn’t so sure about someone like Hinata, who’s biggest dream so far had been to hug or hold hands with Naruto. He supposed it was a natural part of life, though, so it was entirely possible that all of his friends thought about sleeping with other people. He frowned—did Ino think about doing these kinds of things with him? 

He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He didn’t think he could be viewed that way, but he supposed he probably wouldn’t—that wouldn’t make sense. After all, he didn’t need to be attracted to himself that way, so he supposed probably no one viewed themselves that way—he was pretty sure he was over thinking this. 

Sai sighed, wrapping a blanket around himself and trying to watch the movie that had started while Ino and him spoke. His mind drifted—would things be weird between them, now? He didn’t want things to be weird between them. He frowned. Did Ino have feelings for him? She had never really mentioned it—he didn’t really know how one went about that sort of thing, though; he’d been realizing recently that no matter how many books on relationships he read, his understanding was superficial at best, and he had a hard time applying the information. He didn’t think he felt that way about her, but he didn’t really know what that way was—he liked to be around her and she was fairly affectionate, and he liked to go places with her, but he didn’t think that was enough to really go off of. 

The problem was, he wasn’t sure who to ask for advice on the matter—Naruto probably wouldn’t be a good choice; Sakura would probably just threaten to strangle him—he probably couldn’t ask Ino about this. He searched his ceilings for answers. Below him, Naruto muttered something in his sleep as he rolled onto his side and seemed to jolt awake, glancing around and making eye contact with Sai for a second, confused before he looked at the TV and then down at Hinata, sleeping peacefully against his chest. Seemingly satisfied now that he knew what was happening, Naruto went back to sleep.

Sai glanced at his phone when it lit up slightly. 

_Sakura is still gross. Going to make jello for her 1st and then ill be omw_

Sai sent back a cat emoji and set his phone back down, pulling his knees to his chest. He wondered briefly if Naruto had ever thought of him as anything other than a friend, but dismissed the thought—he didn’t really want to know. He knew Naruto too well for any of that. He glanced down at the two, noticing how Naruto’s spaghetti limbs had more or less engulfed Hinata under the blanket. He wondered how Hinata would react when she woke up. 

A few minutes passed and Ino quietly let herself back in, now in her pajamas and holding a pillow. Sai got up from the couch as Ino went into his room, asking if she wanted to stay up longer to watch movies or if she was ready to go to bed. She decided to watch movies with him a little longer, so they went back to the living room and climbed onto the couch. 

They had finished the movie when Ino yawned gently and smiled at him. “I’m pretty tired, should we call it a night?”

“Sure,” Sai said, turning off the TV and climbing back off the couch. Next time, he decided, he would tell Naruto to leave the couch out of the fort so he didn’t have to climb in and out. He helped Ino out, and turned off the lamp that functioned as his living room light before really realizing that Ino was holding his hand still. He glanced at her, confused, but he couldn’t make out her expression in the dark. She gently led him to his own bedroom, which confused him further, but he figured she was just afraid of the dark or something.

A lot of people were afraid of the dark.

Sai supposed he should probably wear pajamas, rather than sleeping in his clothes like he usually did—he excused himself for a minute, coming back feeling a little less out of place. He supposed it didn’t matter, since it was his bed, and it was just Ino, but she was wearing pajamas, so he felt like he should, too. 

Ino grinned at him, and turned the bedroom light off. Sai’s eyes didn’t adjust very well, so he was alarmed when he bumped into her. “Sorry, Ino,” he said, gripping her shoulder gently to steady her. 

She reached her arms around his neck, standing on her tiptoes. “It’s okay, Sai,” she whispered. She was really close, Sai noticed. He had the faintest urge to recoil backwards, but he was also frozen in place. He wasn’t sure, but he thought she was getting closer—her nose hit his. “Boop,” she whispered, letting him go instantly and clambering into his bed, throwing the covers over herself.

Sai blinked into the darkness, looking away and sighing. He should have known it was going to be something weird like that. He shook his head and climbed into the bed, careful not to accidentally bump her. He laid down and Ino flipped over to face him, eyes serious. 

“Were you scared, Sai?”

He blinked slowly. Had she gone up there and been replaced by some sort of hyperactive monster? “Just confused, still confused,” he said, sighing. “Always confused.”

“What are you so confused about?”

Sai frowned. “Is it always like how Hinata is with Naruto, when people like each other, or are there—I don’t know, levels?”

He could see Ino’s eyebrows shoot up, and then back down to their normal place. “Well, usually people aren’t quite so… timid, around the person they like,” she said. “Do you like someone, Sai?”

Sai rolled onto his back. “I don’t know.”

“Well… hmm, I guess when I like someone, I get a little fluttery when I see them, and I get kind of, I don’t know, giddy when I think about them,” she said, rolling onto her back too. “You need some glow in the dark stars, Sai. Remind me to bring you some—I think I have some left over.”

Sai wasn’t sure that he _needed_ them, but he supposed he might enjoy them. “Do you like someone, Ino?”

“I--,“ Ino paused, and Sai turned his head to look at her. She was biting her lip, hands folded over the blankets. “I do like someone.”

“Is it hard, to like someone?”

She looked at him. “Only when they won’t ever like you back.”

Sai frowned. “Is it Shikamaru?”

Ino blinked, and laughed. “What? _No._ He really is like my brother.”

“Chouji?”

“Okay, Sai, really—do you think Chouji is my type? Be honest—the answer is N-O,” she said, laughing as she pushed him. “He’s definitely as much my brother as Shikamaru is.”

“So, that leaves Sakura.”

“Oh, my god—absolutely not,” she said, hands on her face. “You don’t get to make any more guesses, for the history of ever, you are banned.”

“Banned from making guesses in general, or just about who you like?”

Ino shot him a glare. “From guessing who I like,” she said. “But if you keep this up, you might be banned from more than just guessing.”

Sai blinked, glancing away from her to stare at the ceiling. “What are you supposed to do, when you like someone?”

Ino sighed loudly. “I don’t know. Continuously get rejected despite your efforts to impress them,” she said. “Give up, live alone the rest of your life while you watch all your friends get married and live happily ever after, die alone, be found months later partially eaten by your cats before they eventually escape out the window someone breaks in order to steal your TV.”

Sai stared at her. “How long have you—did you plan out your entire life?”

Ino glared and elbowed him. “Not. Nice,” she growled. “At this rate, it’ll be your future too. No one will want to marry you if you’re such an ass.”

Sai frowned. He didn’t really care about getting married, but being eaten by his future cats didn’t exactly appeal to him either. “Don’t worry, Ino—if that happens we’ll just live together. That way, only one of us will die alone.”

“Yeah and it’ll probably still be me, since women have a longer life expectancy.”

Sai shrugged. “At least you’ll have a few years of peace,” he said. “Since I’m such an ass, after all.”

Ino sighed, rolling onto her side to face him. “Sai, look at me, okay? It wouldn’t be peace at all. It would be lonely, and sad, and I’d miss you every day.”

Sai frowned. He didn’t know why she was taking this so seriously all of the sudden—he was a little concerned. “I guess it’s a good thing I don’t know my family history. I could be immortal. We wouldn’t know.”

Ino groaned and pushed him up against the wall. “You are awful. I hope you aren’t immortal. You’d find some way to revive me from the dead to torture me with your awful jokes.”

“I thought you liked my jokes,” he said, frowning.

Ino sighed, pulling on his arm so he would scoot back. “I do, but you’re still awful,” she said, scooting herself into the crook of his arm and resting her head on his chest. 

“Why am I so awful?”

“Because you’re so pale you’re practically luminescent,” she said, making small circles with her finger on his chest. “It’s like having a nightlight, except it keeps talking to me when we’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“Sorry.”

Ino flattened her hand abruptly. “Sai, do _you_ like Sakura? Is that why you asked?”

Sai jolted slightly. “What? No—I don’t even know if I actually like someone.”

“Well, when you figure it out, let me know who it is,” she said, rolling away.

“I will,” he said, confused as he rolled onto his side as well. “Goodnight, Ino.”

“Goodnight Sai.”

 

**

When Sai woke up, Ino was curled around him, her arm around his waist. He was a little confused at first, having forgotten she was there. He relaxed a bit until he heard scuffling and a certain familiar muffled laugh—Naruto was awake, and he was in the room. He was sure he’d be receiving about a hundred Snaps from him—Sai didn’t really care. It didn’t really matter to him—he had enough embarrassing pictures of Naruto to last him a lifetime.

Sai gently rolled onto his back, doing his best not to disturb Ino. Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled. “Good morning,” she said sleepily. “Did you sleep okay?”

Sai blinked, nodding at her. “Did you?”

“Hmm, I had a weird dream, but I slept pretty well.”

“What kind of dream?”

“Hmm, I don’t really remember much aside from it being weird.”

“Are you two lovebirds going to wake up and feed me?” Naruto called from the living room. 

“N-Naruto, they don’t have to feed you, I can just make you breakfast at mine,” Hinata said quietly. 

“That’s okay, Hinata. Sakura needs her sleep, unlike those two in there who are perfectly fine,” he said, growing closer and popping his head into the room. “Seriously, Sai, I have been awake for an hour.”

“I didn’t tell you to wake up,” Sai replied, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “What do you want for breakfast?”

Naruto shrugged. Ino groaned and threw her pillow at him. “Hey—come on, what is your issue, Ino?” He said, frowning. “I’m a growing boy. I need breakfast.”

“No you’re a grown man. Go to McDonald’s. Take Hinata,” she said. “It’ll be like a date. A date where you leave me the hell alone.”

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Naruto grumbled, walking out of the room. “C’mon, Hinata, we’re going to have to fend for ourselves. Mom and Dad are busy.”

Ino groaned and rolled her eyes. “I hate him so much,” she said. “How can he be so loud and annoying first thing in the morning?”

Sai laughed. “He’s pushy when he wants something,” he said. “I’m surprised he backed down so easily.”

Ino glanced at him through the cracks in her fingers. “He only agreed because he knows Sakura will help me hide his body,” she said, and reached for him. “Come back here, I’m cold and lost my pillow in the war.”

“I don’t think that qualifies as a war,” he said, obeying and letting Ino wrap her arm around him. 

“It’s war to me,” she said, pressing her cold nose against his neck. He shuddered, having not expected it; Ino laughed. “Sorry. I really am cold.”

“I can tell,” he said, rolling onto his side and planting his hand on her nose.

“What are you doing?”

“Warming up your nose.”

“Sai that’s the worst way to warm up my nose in the entire history of mankind.”

“How else am I supposed to warm it up?”

Ino sighed, rolling over onto her other side, holding his arm captive and scooting against him. “If you warm me up, my nose gets warm too,” she said. “Have you figured out who you like yet?”

“No, I was asleep.”

“What is it like when you’re with them?”

Sai blinked. Ino sounded small, sad even—maybe she didn’t want him to like anyone. “I don’t know if I like anyone, Ino.”

Ino sighed. “I wish you would,” she said. 

Sai was confused, thoroughly. “Why? Then I can’t die first and leave you alone with our cats.”

Ino lifted her head to glare at him over her shoulder. “Just because I have to be alone forever doesn’t mean you do, Sai,” she said, settling back into his pillow. “I’m not so selfish that I would wish that upon you.”

Sai frowned. He really didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to be wrong about this, because he didn’t want to hurt their friendship at all; he wasn’t sure he felt the right way. He wasn’t even sure he was capable of those kinds of feelings—maybe he was just envious of people who could.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really don’t know.”

“If you don’t know, then I don’t think you do like anyone, Sai,” she said, rolling back to face him. “There’s a lot of different ways to like someone, but they aren’t the same. There’s people like Naruto, who mostly likes people either as friends or as sexual partners, and then there’s people like Shikamaru and Temari, who like each other exclusively as romantic and sexual partners, there’s people who like each other only romantically, or only sexually—there’s a lot of ways to like someone.” 

Sai nodded, frowning. “How do you know which one you like them as?”

Ino sighed. “I don’t know—you kind of just do, I think,” she said. “Like, if you think about having sex with someone and the idea turns you on, you’re probably sexually attracted to them, but if you just want to hold hands and tell them you love them like Hinata wants to do with Naruto, then you’re probably romantically attracted to them.” Ino glanced away, picking at a thread on his shirt. “If you want both, then you’ve just got the standard crush.”

Sai nodded. He wasn’t sure if that helped or not. “What if you just really like spending time with them, and don’t really know about anything else yet?”

“That’s just friendship, Sai.”

“It’s not the same friendship as I have with Naruto, though,” he said, frowning.

Ino stared at him for a minute, then blinked rapidly. “Not every friendship is the same,” she said. “My friendship with Shikamaru is a lot different than my friendship with Sakura.”

Sai continued to frown. This still didn’t help him any. “What if you don’t know if you want more than just friendship because you don’t know anything about that?”

Ino frowned and rolled so her back was to him again. “Then you ask someone else, Sai, because I don’t have the answer.”

Sai’s brows knit together as he frowned and rested his head against her back. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I don’t have the answer, Sai,” she said, again. “Maybe this is something you should ask Sakura or Naruto.”

Sai frowned. He usually asked Ino these kinds of questions, since she seemed to have the most patience and grasp on how emotions worked, but he supposed even Ino had her limits. 

“Do you want coffee?” Sai asked, quietly into her back. 

“God yes,” she said, “but only if I don’t have to make it.”

“I can make it,” he said, getting up. 

 

**

“Hmm, well, it sounds almost like a crush,” Naruto said, tapping his straw against the bottom of his cup. Sakura glared at him, prompting him to give a guilty smile. “I mean, it makes sense that you’d be a little iffy on some of the details, considering you’re half stone, or zombie, or something.”

Sakura’s glare intensified. “Sai, you can’t let him call you stuff like that,” she said, before looking at him. “He does have a point though, it’s hard to tell if it’s a crush if your only experiences with things like kissing have been negative.”

Sai frowned, nodding and stirring his drink with his straw. “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Well, that’s easy—you tell them, or you suffer in silence.”

Sai blinked at Sakura. She was staring holes into him. He shrugged. “Guess I’ll die.”

She nodded, crossing her arms and smacking Naruto. “He’s here. Stop being an idiot.”

They had decided to meet up with Sasuke in the mall—that way they could assess the situation easier and not worry if he did show up drunk and violent, because there was security and he’d make a scene. 

“Hey,” Sasuke said, sliding into a chair at the round table. 

“How are you?” 

Sasuke shrugged. “I’ve had a migraine for about a week,” he said. “It’ll go away, I guess.”

Sakura nodded. “Has therapy been going well for you, then?”

He shrugged again. “Guess as well as it can, when you’re not totally sure your therapist didn't grow up with Freud.”

Sakura pursed her lips. “That bad, huh? You could probably ask them to assign you to someone younger?”

Sasuke shrugged. “It’s okay. He isn’t that bad, he just keeps calling Naruto my ex-wife.”

Naruto choked slightly. Sai patted his back. “Why your ex _wife_? When did we get married? Was I there?”

Sasuke smiled lightly, shrugging. “I don’t know, your guess is as good as mine,” he said. “I’m not sure he’s aware that Sakura isn’t my sister, and that Orochimaru isn’t my dad.”

Sakura wasn’t even going to have lips if she pursed them anymore. “Maybe you should ask to be reassigned, Sasuke.”

“I put in the request this morning.”

Sakura let out a sigh, sitting back, closing her eyes. “That’s good. Everything else has been going well for you?”

Sasuke nodded, rolling up his sleeve. “The shot pretty much will make life hell for me if I do drink, and my general dislike of vomiting has mostly kept me away,” he said. “The people in my AA group are decent enough. Most are about my age.”

“That’s good, at least,” Sakura said. “And you’ve finished out your last day with the job, right?”

“Yeah, all done—I have an interview in two days at the factory, for now,” he said. “I guess I still have a college fund, if I want.”

Sakura smiled. “I’m glad things seem to be going smoothly so far,” she said. “We can talk about the harsher side later, though, since I can tell you’re hiding it.”

Sai saw Sasuke wince slightly. Sakura sometimes was scary with how perceptive she could be, more so when she used it to tell you she knew you were full of crap. 

“Naruto, I heard you’ve finally started talking to Hinata?”

Naruto nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! We really bonded while Neji was in the hospital, and she isn’t completely terrified of me now!” 

Sasuke nodded, not really showing anything positive or negative. Sai couldn’t tell if it upset Sasuke or not that Naruto was talking to someone else. 

“And Neji is alright?”

Naruto paused a little, then nodded once. “Yeah… he said it was just stress,” he said. “I guess he’s taking a semester off school, and Gaara is going to sublease from him so he can move back home for a while.”

Sai had told them he was more that willing to simply waive Neji’s half of rent, but they had insisted on finding someone to sublet instead—Temari’s youngest brother was a good friend of Lee and Naruto’s, and had expressed interest. They still didn’t really talk about what happened with Neji, but Sai got the feeling he wasn’t really allowed to ask, either. 

“How is Lee handling it?”

Naruto shrugged. “It’s not like Neji will be far, and he still will have to come by the dojo to teach his old lady class, anyways.” Neji taught a small group of retired women Tai Chi, and also a younger group Baguazhang on the weekends—Tenten taught self-defense classes for women and occasionally had Lee and Neji pretend to be attackers for sparring matches, Sai had learned. 

Apparently Neji was Hinata’s cousin, but since his father died, Hinata’s father had acted as his father too—which was probably confusing for a young Neji, since their fathers were also identical twins. Sai was just glad someone had finally told him how they were related without being ambiguous about it. 

“Sai? Did you hear me?”

Sai blinked, shaking his head. “Sorry, I was trying to remember if I locked the door—what did you say?”

“I asked how you’ve been,” Sasuke said, raising an eyebrow. “Maybe I should have asked if you were okay.”

“Oh—I’m okay,” Sai said, blinking and taking a sip of his drink. “I locked the door, too, in case you were wondering.”

Sasuke nodded, and they stared at each other for a minute. “I’m sorry for what I did,” he said. “It wasn’t right of me to have done that.”

“You already apologized.”

“Not in person.”

Sai shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me. I was just confused,” he said, squinting. He could almost remember being scared, but it was a fleeting memory now. “I still don’t know why you did it, though.”

Sasuke shrugged. Sai shrugged. Sakura slammed her fist on the table, hissing slightly. “Now you know damn well why you did it, you little twerp brained cockatiel, and you are not about to hide behind a bunch of shrugs.”

Sasuke shuddered, staring at her in what Sai could only call immense fear. Naruto snickered, only to accidentally stick his straw into his nose and inhale, causing him to sputter. 

Thankfully, Sakura was disgusted enough by Naruto that she seemed to relax a little, and in turn Sasuke did too—if he was a dog, his hackles would have been raised, Sai was certain. 

Part of him would have preferred Sasuke was a dog. Dogs were nice. Sai could handle sudden dog kisses, they were a blessing. Sudden unwelcomed kisses from strange people were not blessings, just gross and unfortunate.

Sasuke glanced at Naruto and sighed. “I guess it doesn’t matter since you already know—I think you’re cute,” he said, shrugging. “But I was drunk and didn’t make good choices, so that’s a problem and you’re not required to forgive me.”

Sai blinked, staring at Sasuke in alarm. He stared at Sakura, who nodded, satisfied that Sasuke had told him, and then at Naruto, who had gotten a new straw and was chewing on it. Naruto glanced at him and stopped, distancing himself from his straw with a guilty look. 

Sai stared at Naruto for a minute longer, with Naruto’s face getting increasingly more concerned, before staring back at Sasuke, who was twiddling his thumbs. 

Sai wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. No one had ever told him they liked him before. He definitely didn’t feel anything towards Sasuke, so he just kind of stared at his own hands. 

“So, anyways Sai, if you ever want advice on how _not_ to approach a crush, just ask Sasuke,” Sakura said, laughing and fist bumping Naruto as Sasuke groaned, placing his head between his elbows on the table. 

“I wouldn’t ask Hinata, either,” Sai added, shrugging. 

Naruto stopped, head whipping to Sai. “Hinata likes someone? Who?”

Everyone groaned. 

“Guys? What is it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke's back but he's still weird, y i k e s 4 sai


	10. Armored?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sai comes to terms with his feelings with the help of his friends.

Sai had no idea what he was doing, but for some reason, he had agreed to get coffee with Sasuke. Maybe it was because Sai felt this undying need to make friends with people, or because he was still so confused about what Sasuke had said, or because part of him liked the attention—Sai wasn’t sure the reason, but he was there. 

Sasuke was sitting across from him, coffee in front of him, looking like a picture as he tilted backwards in the chair and looked out the window. They really hadn’t spoke, and Sai was fine with it—he wasn’t sure what to say, since he wasn’t sure why he was there, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready for anything Sasuke ever said.

Briefly, Sai’s mind flickered back to the talk between him and Ino almost two weeks ago; how she had said she felt a little fluttery around the person she liked. Sai felt… something, but fluttery might not have been the right word. In the same way, fluttery was exactly what he felt; he felt like his stomach was fluttering, but he wasn’t sure that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be ill. 

He didn’t feel ill otherwise, though, so he chalked it up to his nerves--- he had a lot of those, these days. 

“Listen, Sai--,” Sasuke began, and shook his head, looking back out the window. He took a deep breath. “I know you and I started off on bad terms—I would hate me too,” he said, still faced away. “I am trying to be a better man, and I know that it might not seem like I’m doing a lot, but I am.”

Sai blinked. He wasn’t sure why Sasuke was telling him any of this. He regretted agreeing to this.

“I don’t want things to be weird between us—Naruto and Sakura are my best friends, and I understand that you’re very close with them too,” he said, finally glancing at Sai. “You don’t have to like me back—it’s completely fine not to. Don’t let me pressure you into anything,” he continued. “I do want to be on good terms with you, though—I want to be friends, if you’re okay with that.”

Sai stared at him for a minute. “Friends.”

Sasuke nodded. “If that’s… okay?”

Sai squinted. “This isn’t a set up or anything, right?”

Sasuke scowled. “Why would it be a set up?”

Sai scowled back, leaning forward. “How do I know you’re not just doing this because Naruto told you to?”

Sasuke leaned forward, still scowling. “Why would I let that shrimp boss me around?”

Sai leaned in closer. “Naruto is bigger than you.”

Sasuke leaned in closer, only inches away. “That’s what he’ll tell you.”

Sai bumped foreheads with Sasuke. “That’s not what I was referring to.”

Sasuke’s forehead moved against his. “Wasn’t it?”

Sai frowned. “No?”

Sasuke pulled away, chuckling quietly. “You haven’t even seen it, have you?”

Sai blinked. “Why… would I have?”

Sasuke blinked, staring at him. “You and Naruto didn’t—hold on,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Are you even interested in men, Sai?”

“I’m not interested in a whole lot,” he said, shrugging. 

Sasuke groaned. “I am so sorry, I really thought you were gay this whole time,” he said, face in his palms. 

“You aren’t the first to make the mistake. Apparently I am easily mistaken for gay.”

Sasuke groaned more, glancing up at him from the cage his arms had created on the table. “Here I am, thinking my whole life that Naruto was the idiot,” he said, shaking his head. “So you probably like, what, Sakura? I don’t know.”

Sai shook his head. “I don’t really know how that all works.”

Sasuke stared at him. “You’ve never… like, anything?”

“You were my first kiss.”

Sasuke winced. “You didn’t even date in like… middle school or anything?”

“I was homeschooled.”

Sasuke shook his head, gently pounding it on the table a little. Sai grabbed the coffees so he didn’t accidentally spill one.

“I don’t know that I’m straight, either, if that helps any.”

Sasuke just let out a small groan. Sai didn’t really know what to do. He kind of just wanted to go home, or call Ino and ask her to help him. He was no good in situations like this, he supposed. 

“We can probably manage friendship,” Sai said, finishing his coffee. 

Sasuke looked back up from his cage of suffering, eyes slightly watery. Sai remembered vaguely that he had mentioned a migraine the other day—it was probably from that. “Are you sure?”

Sai shrugged. “I can’t be your enemy and be friends with Naruto and Sakura, so I guess we have no real choice.”

Sasuke nodded, and stuck out his hand for Sai to shake. Sai stared at it for a minute before shaking it, half expecting Sasuke to pull some kind of trick on him. 

**

 

Sai realized he now had another person he could potentially ask about liking someone, but he wasn’t really sure what to do, knowing that Sasuke had at one point harbored some form of attraction to him. 

He supposed it might actually yield a decent response, though—Sasuke probably could explain it in a way that wasn’t ‘fluttery’ or giddy.

“What? Why are you asking me this? Go ask one of the girls,” Sasuke said, brows knitting together. 

“I have asked them. They didn’t make sense.”

Sasuke sighed. “I don’t know,” he said. “You get this feeling like, maybe you’d just like to look at their face, and I guess the rest of them,” he shrugged. “And it kinda evolves to you know, you want to be around them a lot, and maybe that evolves into you wanting to hold their hand and kiss them, and you know… other things.”

For once, Sai didn’t need to know what ‘other things’ meant. 

Sasuke shuffled a little bit, scratching the back of his neck. “And I mean, generally you want to talk to that person, all the time, and know every single aspect of their life, no matter how boring or gross,” he said, inspecting the ground. “It really is best when they like you back, though. You go through this like, honeymoon phase, and it’s probably the best feeling in the world, but you lose focus of everything in your life for a while.”

Sai tilted his head.

“It doesn’t last for long, but during it, nothing feels real except being with that person, and you feel like you’re being ripped up when you’re apart,” Sasuke said. “And then it’s over, and you remember they’re human just like you, and you go back to your life, but now you have at least someone to hold your hand through it all.”

Sai frowned. He wasn’t sure how that explanation made him feel. “Why do people do it, then?”

Sasuke smiled sadly. “You can’t help it, really. Your brain produces these chemicals, and it’s like chasing a high. You’d die to stay high like that. But then you form deeper bonds than just the chemical rush, and that’s chemical based too, I guess, but it’s not as much,” he said. “Those deeper bonds are what keep you together, even when you’re at each other’s throats and broke and depressed.”

He frowned. 

“Does that… make sense at all? Love is weird to explain.”

“It makes more sense than anything I got out of the rest of them, I guess,” Sai said. “Do you think any of that is worth going through?”

“Yeah—even if it doesn’t work out and you just get hurt, it’s still worth it,” he said, shrugging. “You learn something about yourself that you wouldn’t have learned before. I learned that living life full of hate for a dying man instead of loving the people who supported you will only leave you more fucked up than you already were.” Sasuke let out a short, bitter laugh. “And if someone promises you the world, but your friends don’t trust him, don’t take it. Listen to the people who care about you most, Sai.”

Sai nodded. He didn’t think he would really need to use that advice, since he didn’t see himself really going through any situations that would mandate such things, but it was still something to learn. 

“And one more thing, Sai?”

Sai nodded. 

“Don’t spend too much time thinking about things, or they slip through your fingers and are gone forever.”

Sai wondered what Sasuke meant by that—maybe he was referring to Naruto. Sasuke seemed to be closing back off, though, so he didn’t push it, just patted him on the back and let Sasuke get back to what he was doing—Sai hadn’t really asked what it was he was doing, but it looked like he was building an Ikea chair backwards. Sai wondered if he should tell him, but decided to just let it play out naturally.

**

Sai sighed, staring up at his ceiling. He was laying spread eagle on the floor of his living room, and had been for some time—at some point he had taken a nap, but had woken up cold and with a dull ache where his neck met his skull. He sat up slowly, letting his brain finish swimming before he attempted to sit back up. 

He’d been thinking about what Sasuke had said, and continuously reminding himself that Sasuke had also told him to stop over thinking things. He wasn’t sure though that he would be making the right decision. He didn’t want things to be weird between them, after all, and he was sure they would be if things didn’t work out. 

He sighed once more as he stood up, steadying himself before walking to the door and up to Sasuke’s apartment. He didn’t really know why his first instinct was to ask Sasuke, but it was, for some reason. He knocked gently on the door, and heard a crash and some grunting. 

“Oh—it’s you,” Sasuke said, opening the door wider. He hopped one-footed over to a chair—Sai noted the backwards chair sitting in the corner as if in time out. “I caught my shin on the corner of the table, there, and the damn thing broke skin.”

Sai grimaced. He could see a fairly large amount of blood streaming down his leg—was that really what happened? Sasuke noticed him staring and offered a small smile. “I bleed a lot, I know.”

“Are you okay?” Sai asked, bringing him more paper towels when prompted. “I don’t feel like your coffee table should be this dangerous.”

Sasuke shrugged. “I think it’s the medicine or something,” he said, pulling the pad of towels away. “I always did bleed a lot though, guess my body thinks it’s fun.”

Sai peeked at the cut. It didn’t look horrible, he supposed, but he did wonder if maybe he should have Sakura look at it. 

“Shit, I don’t think I need stitches, right?” 

Sai pulled the paper towels away. It was pretty deep—he wasn’t convinced Sasuke was telling the truth at all. “You might not, but you’ll have to take really good care of it.”

Sasuke frowned. “I think it’s stopped bleeding, at least.”

Sai nodded. 

“Anyways, was there something you wanted to talk about?”

“What do you do if you’re pretty sure you like a friend, but you don’t want to mess up that friendship?”

Sasuke blinked. “You know you can just… text me these kinds of things, right?”

Sai blinked. He had forgotten about that.

“Anyways, either risk fucking it up, or suffer.”

Sai was pretty sure he’d already received this advice. He frowned. “Right. Thanks.”

Sasuke sighed as Sai ran back out the door. 

 

Sai caught a glance of Tenten, entering Lee’s apartment, and stopped as she looked up, laughing lightly. “Oh, Sai—you scared me, bud.”

“Tenten, if you thought you had a crush on a really close friend, would you risk messing up the entire friendship, or just let it be and swallow your feelings?”

Tenten blinked, looking into the apartment and back at Sai before deflating. “Listen, Sai—I might not be the best person to ask about this, but do what your gut tells you, not what any of us say.”

Sai frowned, nodding. He had forgotten to listen to his gut—Naruto and Lee were always going on about the importance of gut feelings. “Thanks, Tenten,” he said, frowning and running back down the stairs to his own apartment. 

Once he got there, he laid back on the floor, face down this time. He felt just as conflicted as he had before. 

Sai picked up his phone, noticing the notification signal lighting up. He had four texts from Sasuke. 

_I never did ask who you liked_  
You don’t have to tell me, of course  
If you tell me I can help you tho  
Don’t forget Valentines is coming up 

Sai had forgotten about the Valentines Day thing—he had never paid attention to it before, after all, so it hadn’t really occurred to him that it was approaching. 

_I don’t know if I really like this person  
But if I did what would you suggest I do_  
Sasuke texted back almost instantly. _Tell me more_

Sai frowned. How did Sasuke expect him to tell him more over text? He should have just asked this while he was upstairs. Sighing, he responded.   
_She’s pretty, beyond pretty, really, but we work well together and she doesn’t make me feel like I don’t belong_

_Ok whats holding you back_

Sai frowned. They’d been over this. He didn’t know if it was a crush. He didn’t know what to do if it was a crush and if he confessed and it worked out—he had no idea what would happen after that.

_idk what im supposed to do_

_have you seen little mermaid_

Sai squinted. Was this actually Naruto? He had his suspicions. 

_ok apparently not, surprised @ Naruto for that but jokes aside have you tried telling her how you feel_

Sai frowned. 

_if it’s the physical parts that freak you out ill help lol but no im sure shell be patient if she knows you already_

Sai frowned deeper. The physical aspects of a relationship did worry him a little, but he was pretty sure he wanted nothing to do with Sasuke’s ‘help’ on that subject. 

_I mostly mean ill give you advice on girls_

Sai blinked. 

_in return go tell Naruto to come up here rn he wont answer his phone_

Sai sighed—he didn’t really know that he wanted Sasuke’s advice on girls, but he got up and knocked on Naruto’s door, telling him to go upstairs to Sasuke.

Naruto confusedly patted his pockets, shrugged and went up the stairs. 

Sai glanced at his phone, but saw nothing yet. He shrugged and went back into his apartment, sitting down only to stand back up and pace a bit. He was restless. He didn’t like being confused all the time, especially when his confusion affected his friendships—all he wanted was to be able to make sense of it all. He crossed his arms, frowning. 

He did suppose it was kind of far fetched that anyone would want to date him, though—he didn’t exactly have a firm grasp on how feelings worked, and he was not quite sure how to be dateable, he supposed. He was wary of taking Sasuke’s relationship advice though, especially with girls—had Sasuke dated any women? Ever? Sai hadn’t heard of him dating any. He felt he would be better off asking someone like Shikamaru. 

He frowned. He didn’t have Shikamaru’s phone number. He probably would have to ask Ino for it—would that be weird? Sai decided that would definitely be weird. Now that he thought about it though… Kiba said he had a girlfriend.

He had Kiba’s number.

_Kiba, how did you know you liked your girlfriend?_

_man how could I not she’s perfect the complete embodiment of beauty and grace, a literal goddess_

Sai was… not sure if texting Kiba was the best idea. 

_btw new phone who dis_

Sai almost didn’t want to tell him, scared he might get an equally odd response. 

_oh shit it’s my dude, whats up?? U need some kibadvice?_

Sai didn’t think he wanted advice from Kiba anymore.

_yo u just gotta find someone u vibe with, like planets align n u feel like ur looking at the most beautiful  
skyline on the highest mountain or something when u see them after a long time_

A minute passed, and Sai’s phone buzzed again while he was deciding if he should respond or not.

_but honestly follow ur heart man, cant tell u what ur feeling cause im not u._

_Most important thing is that if u ask her out that u talk about ur limits and shit_

_Cuz otherwise ull h8 each other after a few months_

_Honesty is the best policy n shit my dude_

Sai sighed, not really sure if he felt any better, but having mostly exhausted all his resources. He frowned and tossed his phone to the side. He grabbed his phone again, pulling up Sakura’s texts.

_should I ask Ino out_ Sai stared at it for a minute or two before hitting send, throwing his phone back away. 

Sakura’s text came back about ten minutes later. _idk. Do u want to date her. u never said who u liked_

_do u think it’s a good idea or would she not want to be friends anymore_

_u wont be friends nymore if u hurt her  
u wont be breathing nymore if u hurt her tbh _

Sai knew that was the kind of response he’d get from her.

_she wouldn’t say no_

Sai blinked, staring at his phone. He shook his head and blinked again, to be sure. Did Sakura just leak Ino’s secrets to him? Wasn’t that like friendship rule number one?

Sai set his phone face down and got up to pace some more. He didn’t know what to do anymore than he did before—what if, like Sasuke said, the honeymoon phase wore off, and they didn’t really like each other as much as they seemed to think they did now? What if Ino decided she didn’t want to deal with Sai’s inexperience and wanted someone who wouldn’t hesitate at every turn? 

Sai frowned. He felt panic starting to well up—he needed to calm down. He threw on his coat and stood outside. He hadn’t really seen Ino in a while, because she was putting in extra time at her parents flower shop, due to the holidays—Sai wondered if Ino even would have time for him to try to ask her out? He knew he would probably screw it up somehow. She probably wouldn’t even have time to talk to him until well after Valentine’s Day, so he supposed there was no point in really rushing. 

Sai blinked as a car pulled up, and a man with a long blond ponytail got out, nodding curtly at him before half-jogging to the other side of the car and opening the door. 

“Daaad, stop it,” Ino said, getting out of the car. “You don’t have to open the door for me, I’m an adult,” she said, hugging him when he held his arms out to prompt her. “Drive safe, text me when you—What? No, that’s not Sasuke, Dad.”

Sai blinked, realizing he was being mentioned. 

“That’s Sai, Dad, remember? I told you about him,” Ino said, frowning up at him. “He’s the one who did the painting.”

This seemed to jog his memory. “Oh yeah, the funny one that goes shopping with you.”

Ino sighed, looking at the ground. “You are seriously trying to embarrass me, aren’t you?”

Ino’s father tweaked her nose, pretending to steal it as he carefully jogged back around the car, Ino groaning and rolling her eyes but smiling all the same as she waved at him. He pulled away and drove off, and Ino walked up to him. 

“It’s cold out here, Sai, what are you doing?”

Sai blinked. “Having an existential crisis,” he said. He’d learned that from Tenten at some point, he was pretty sure. 

“Do… you want to do that where it’s warm?”

He glanced around. He supposed it was kind of cold. Things were slowly melting from the odd stretch of warmer days they’d had recently, but there was still snow on the ground. He noticed Ino wasn’t exactly dressed for the weather, though, so he nodded, figuring she probably wasn’t going to go in unless he did. 

“Do you want to talk about this crisis you’re having?” Ino said, amused once they were inside. 

Sai frowned. “Aren’t you tired? You’ve been working a lot.”

She shrugged. “I’m tired, but I’ll probably just stay up watching whatever Sakura is watching until either she goes to bed or I realize it’s 4 in the morning.”

“Do… you want to come in?”

“Why are you being weird, Sai?” Ino said, laughing as she squeezed past him into his apartment and took off her jacket. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately—are you feeling alright?”

Sai nodded, sitting down on the couch. Ino plopped down next to him, sighing and curling her knees to her chest. 

“I am sooo ready to be done with all of these lovey-dovey couples and their clueless flower orders.”

Sai blinked, looking at her. “Do you not like Valentine’s Day?” He hadn’t really considered the possibility that Ino didn’t like it—Sakura and Naruto seemed to be slightly obsessed. 

Ino yawned, leaning her head back. “I mean, I’ve always been single for it,” she said, shrugging. “So I mean, aside from my dad giving me something every year, it’s just a time to gag about all the couples that come in to the shop.”

Sai nodded. “Does it bother you that you’re single on Valentines?”

Ino glanced at him, a questioning look in her eyes. “I don’t really know. It’d be nice not to be, I guess, but I don’t think there’s any nights in shining armor that are about to sweep me from my feet in two days.”

“Is that what people do? To ask them out? They have to put on armor?”

Ino laughed, smacking him lightly. “You are so clueless,” she said. “It’s a… figure of speech kind of. The shining armor thing is from fairytales.”

Sai nodded. Maybe that’s what was missing. He had no armor, and he wasn’t an expert on fairytales.

Ino glanced at him. “You don’t need armor. Armor is actually discouraged. It’s really hard to take off,” she said, laughing. “I don’t know about anyone else, but I prefer you the way you are.”

Sai blinked, and then jolted when his phone as well as Ino’s blared the sound for an Amber Alert. Ino seemed equally alarmed, grabbing her phone and staring in confusion.

“This is not my phone,” she said, blankly, passing it to Sai and picking up her own, which had been right next to it. 

The amber alert was no where near them, as usual—Sai dismissed it and then blanched slightly as he realized Ino likely saw the synopsis of Sakura’s text below that, which read simply:  
 _if ur gonna ask Ino out u probably (continued)_

He glanced at Ino, who was texting a storm next to him, face blank. 

Ino glanced at him, and quickly away, taking a deep breath and setting her phone aside. “Sakura probably told you to take me to the butterfly garden,” she said, calmly. “I want to be sure that this is what you want, though.”

Sai stared at her. She was going to say no. She was definitely going to say no. He knew it—he knew he should have just left it alone. 

She glanced at him again, holding his eye contact for a moment and looking down at her hands. “You aren’t obligated to ask me out, Sai. I’ve made it this far on my own, I’ll survive.”

“Ino,” he said, softly. “You’re the only person I could ever consider as more than a friend.”

She stared at him. “I don’t understand.”

“Ino, I like you,” he said.

“I mean, we’ve been friends for months, I hope you didn’t hate me,” she said, laughing nervously. 

He frowned. “Ino, you know what I mean.”

“Oh. I--- Oh.”

Sai nodded. 

“Oh.”

Ino looked at her hands, then the wall, and then got up. 

“I uh, I should go,” she said, grabbing her phone. 

“Wait--- Ino,” Sai said, watching as Ino more or less scrambled out of his door. “She didn’t even take her coat.” 

Sai sighed, sitting back on the couch and cradling his head in his hands. He was pretty sure she was never going to talk to him again, aside to maybe get her coat back. He had screwed up. That was it. Game over.

He tilted over on his side, staring blankly at the wall. His phone went off, and he ignored it—it went off again. 

_What did you do  
Why the hell is Ino crying _

Sai didn’t know. Sai really wish he knew—he thought he understood the situation, but apparently he’d misjudged.   
_I told her I liked her and she left_

_r u srs. Wtf ino. Ugh let me talk 2 her_

A few minutes later, Ino called him. Scared, he answered. 

“I’m an awful person. I’ve clearly tricked you,” she said. “I’ve clearly mislead you into thinking that you liked me because of my own selfish dreams.”

“What?”

“It’s all my fault,” she said, sniffling. “I definitely am awful and terrible and I led you to believe that you wanted to be with me because I made you feel so bad for me.”

“What are you talking about?”

Ino cried softly into the phone. Sai was so lost. 

“I don’t know where you’re getting any of this, Ino,” he said. “If you don’t like me, just say so.”

“That’s the problem, Sai, I do like you,” she said, hanging up.

Sai was just really confused about all of this. He tried to call her back, but she declined his call. He sighed and rolled onto his back, his legs over the arm of the couch. Why was this so difficult? 

Maybe Ino was just really stressed and tired. Sometimes she got weepy after a hard week, and would start crying at any point when she saw a dog in a movie, and Sai would just let her cry on him for loss of what was going on. 

He nodded to himself. That must have been it, if she apparently liked him back—why else would she be crying like this? He hoped she got some sleep soon so she would be back to normal. 

**

 

“Hey, bud, how you holding up?” Naruto said, rubbing Sai’s shoulders. They were out with Sakura and Sasuke at the local diner. 

“I’m confused,” he said. “I thought I understood, but I am clearly lost.”

Sakura sighed, smiling sadly at him. “Ino isn’t used to people liking her for more than a night,” she said. “She’s elated, really, but she’s also terrified you’re going to wake up one day and not love her anymore.”

Naruto grimaced, nodding. “I can definitely relate,” he said. “That’s why I’ve only ever dated Sasuke. I knew he’d never love me back the whole time.”

“Hey—what are you talking about? I’m right fucking here,” was the annoyed response from Sasuke. He’d been slightly grumpier than his usual self lately—Sakura said it was normal.

Naruto laughed as he dodged Sasuke, who was trying to swat at him from across the table. Sakura eventually grew annoyed and Sai was pretty sure stomped on Sasuke’s foot, because suddenly his eyes were watering and he was behaving again—Sai was a little surprised at how tight of a leash Sakura kept him on compared to before. 

“Children, you know,” Sakura said, smiling warmly. “I hate them, especially the ones my age.”

Sai blinked. Sakura seemed a little stressed, after all. He felt bad burdening her with his problems, and causing problems with Ino, too.

“Anyways, she’ll probably be fine in a couple days—she’s weird like that sometimes, but I guess you’ll get used to it,” Sakura said, shrugging. “Sasuke, stop shredding your napkin and staring bitterly at Naruto. It’s impolite.” 

Sasuke glared at her, but obeyed anyways. 

“I just can’t believe you like _Ino_ ,” Naruto said, shaking his head. “I kind of thought you’d go more for Sasuke, honestly.”

“Sai and Sasuke really aren’t compatible personalities.” Sakura said, noting that Sai wasn’t sure how to respond. “I guess if you consider their horoscopes, though, they should be.” She shrugged. 

Sai wasn’t sure what any of that really meant. “Do… I have a personality?”

“Uh-- _yeah_. Everyone has a personality, Sai,” Sakura said, concern etched in her face. “You’re… timid, but you’re a lot better than you were.”

Naruto nodded enthusiastically, stealing the fries off of Sai’s plate. He wasn’t eating them anyways, so he pushed his plate over to him. “Yeah, when we first met, I was pretty sure you were either a robot, or an even bigger dick than Sasuke.”

Sasuke growled slightly, and Naruto almost choked on his fry but continued to shove them into his mouth. 

Sai blinked—he supposed he felt a little less out of place now, like maybe he wasn’t just a figment of someone’s imagination. He could occasionally feel something, even if it flickered away almost as quickly as it came to his attention. “I guess I owe that all to you,” he said, blinking slowly. “Before this I was pretty sure I wasn’t really alive.”

**

 

“Hey, Sai—you have those really weird self help books, right?”

Sai squinted at Naruto and nodded. 

“Can I borrow some?”

“Why?”

“I um, I want to try to be a better person… you know, I’m getting older and, uh, maybe… it’s time for me to you know, grow up a little,” he said, scratching his neck. 

“Is this… related to someone in particular?”

Naruto frowned, glancing away. “Maybe it is.”

Sai sighed, opening the door more. “Take whatever ones you want, I guess,” he said, shrugging. He’d read them all already and had them mostly committed to his memory at this point. “Are you… just taking the ones about dating?”

Naruto laughed nervously. “Listen, it’s… nothing to worry about, okay?”

Sai frowned, confused. “Are… you looking at dating Sasuke again?”

Naruto shrugged. “Not really. I kind of realized that I just want to be friends with him,” he said. “There’s uh, someone I kind of like.”

Sai raised an eyebrow. “It’s not Sakura again, right?”

“Eheheh—no. It’s uh,” Naruto frowned, shuffling the books. “Listen, this is probably weird, but—I kind of asked Hinata out, and she agreed, without fainting.”

Sai blinked. “Hinata didn’t faint?”

Naruto nodded vigorously. “We’ve been talking a lot, since you know, Neji lives with her family, so a lot of times we’d go see him together,” he said. “Neji’s uh, kind of explained to me why Hinata faints all the time, too.”

Sai let out a small sigh and smiled. “I’m glad you finally know.”

“Yeah—this whole time I thought she hated me!”

Sai shook his head, smiling. He was happy for Hinata—she was a nice person, and she probably would be patient with Naruto, something that honestly wouldn’t be easy for just anyone. He was almost insufferable at times. 

“Has Ino spoke to you yet?”

Sai frowned, shaking his head. He was a little concerned that she never would, but Sakura had reassured him that she was just busy at the flower shop, and so she genuinely wasn’t avoiding him.

“Man, I don’t know—you kinda freaked when Sasuke kissed you, are you sure you’re gonna be okay, though?” Naruto asked, setting the books on the counter and resting his arms on them. “Cause like, kissing and stuff is a big part of dating, and I’m sure Ino will want to be affectionate.”

Sai blinked—he had mulled it over a little bit, but had decided he was overthinking things far too much. He was comfortable with Ino in almost every other situation, so he didn’t see why he wouldn’t be okay with it. He supposed he wouldn’t know until he got to that point—if he got to it. Most of that depended solely on Ino.

“I think I’ll be okay.”

Naruto nodded. “Anyways—Hinata is okay with me… being I think she called it poly, I’ve just never called it anything,” he said. “Which I don’t know—is it weird if I’m sleeping with her cousin and dating her, even if she’s fully aware?”

Sai blinked. So this entire time Hinata was fully aware that Neji and Naruto were involved? Weird. “It’s weird, but so are you.”

“Thanks, Sai,” Naruto said, shaking his head. “Lee asked Gaara out, finally, but Gaara said no.”

“That’s unfortunate for Lee.”

Naruto nodded. “I guess Gaara just doesn’t really feel that way,” he said, shrugging. “Nothin’ you can do about that, and Lee’s a champ, he’s all good.”

Sai wondered if there was a reason Naruto was telling him all of this.

“Listen, I uh—want you to know that if Ino doesn’t want to date you, that doesn’t have to ruin your friendship. Sakura and I have been best friends for years.”

Sai nodded. His chest felt a little funny. 

“Anyways, I better go—Sasuke’s supposed to help me read these.”

Sai blinked. Sasuke was going to sit down and read books about relationships… with Naruto? That seemed… a little odd. He shrugged, waving to Naruto as he shut the door behind him. 

 

Sai sighed and walked back to the spot where he’d been laying on the floor earlier—he laid back down and shut his eyes, breathing deeply. He supposed he was doing better than he had been—he didn’t feel the panic as strongly as before, but every time he thought about Ino rejecting him, he did feel a pang of sadness. He supposed that was normal, though—he wasn’t used to her not talking to him, and there was always a chance that she wouldn’t talk to him anymore. There was a chance she would say yes, and that it wouldn’t work out, and he would lose her completely—someone had told him at some point that it was better to love and lose than to never love at all, but he wasn’t so sure that was even true. 

There was a chance that everything would work out, though, and he was truly depending on that chance more than anything in the world. He didn’t want to lose Ino’s friendship at any cost—she was closer to his heart than anyone had ever been; he was pretty sure she was closer to his heart than anyone ever _could_ be. He could easily credit her for him even having any friends—she reached out to him first. 

Sometimes, Sai wondered if Shin would be proud of him today. Shin always encouraged him to do his best, even when Shin was dying; he pushed himself to encourage Sai. He always stood up for Sai, even when it got him in trouble or hurt—Would Shin want Sai to be scared of rejection from someone?

No, Shin would tell him to let go of his fears and follow his heart. 

He was pretty sure he knew where his heart was leading him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this?? is hard bc i am not good at things. also approaching the end r i p


	11. Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neji starts a knitting circle.

_We need to talk once I get out of work, about all of this._

Sai had received the text from Ino about a half hour before the flower shop was supposed to close—it was the first real communication he’d had from her since he told her how he felt about her. The only other had been him asking if she was okay, to which she had responded with ‘yes but busy ttyl,’ and he had maybe felt a little sad, but mostly he was just worried about her. 

Generally, Ino only worked on the weekends, but this was a very busy time for them, being one of the most well-known flower shops in the area—she had been working every day after her classes to help out her parents. Sai knew her parents were at least ensuring she ate on her breaks, since the flower shop was attached to their home, but anyone could tell she was exhausted, being that she generally didn’t get much sleep. He hadn’t really planned on telling her anything while she was so busy—he hadn’t planned on her coming in that night, and he certainly hadn’t planned on blurting out what he’d been thinking about endlessly for weeks. 

He didn’t really get any sensation of fluttery when he was around Ino—he didn’t really get overly giddy, but being around Ino made a warmth spread through his body, like he’d been cold and dead and suddenly the blood was flowing back through his veins. He felt like he was alive and that maybe it was worth waking up that day instead of wrapping himself in the blanket until he fell back to sleep against his body’s wants. He still felt a little hollow, but he was able to experience emotions to some extent, now—he owed most of that to his friends, which he wouldn’t have if Ino hadn’t reached out to him first. 

Having explained it all to Sasuke over a midnight snack earlier, Sasuke reassured him that was pretty normal—not everyone experienced things in the same way or to the same depth. He also told him that he didn’t have to be head over heels to ask someone out; that was the point of asking them out—to deepen their feelings for each other. Sai had been surprised at how willing Sasuke was to help him and to answer his questions—he had expected him to get irritated with him but he was surprisingly patient. 

_I’ll be there in about twenty minutes, if that’s ok_

Sai responded that that was okay with him, and let out a sigh. He supposed he should put on clean clothes—he’d slept in these. Twenty minutes gave him enough time to shower too, he supposed—he unlocked the door for her in case she got there early. 

 

**

“Sai? Where are yo---oh. There you are. Alright,” Ino said, as Sai came out of his room, still in the process of pulling on his shirt. “Um, so, anyways, um.”

Sai blinked. Was Ino nervous? “Do you want some tea or something?” He asked, moving towards the kitchen, her following behind him. “You’ve had a long day, so it might help if you drink something first.”

“I—yeah, I guess so,” she said, pausing and biting her lip. “How was your day?”

Sai squinted at the teapot. “I don’t remember. I think I slept for most of it.”

“Oh,” she said, pointing to the tea she wanted when he held up the options. “Did you have any good dreams?”

He blinked, glancing at her. “I don’t really have dreams, Ino,” he said, shrugging.

“Everyone has dreams, Sai, you probably just don’t remember them,” she said, leaning her elbows on the counter. 

Sai shrugged—obviously if he was having them, he wasn’t remembering them. The kettle whistled and he poured the water over the bags before grabbing the honey out of the cupboard and setting Ino’s mug in front of her and handing her a spoon. She scooped the honey out and stirred her tea, watching him. 

“Are you… mad at me?” 

Sai frowned. “Why would I be mad at you, Ino?” 

Ino shrugged, looking at her tea as she stirred it. “I mean, I really didn’t handle any of this very well, you know,” she said. “I probably hurt your feelings.”

Sai glanced at her over his shoulder as he put away the honey, smiling. “Thankfully, mine are not the type to be hurt easily,” he said, turning to pull a pudding cup out of the fridge—he really only had them for Ino. “You’ve been busy, and I should have waited until you were less busy.”

“Busy or not, I was kind of rude to you,” she said, accepting the pudding cup with a small smile. “I could have handled it a lot better than I did.”

“It’s okay, Ino, you don’t have to apologize,” he said, sitting on the stool next to her. “I was never mad at you.”

“Still—I feel bad,” she said, frowning and turning towards him, holding her tea in both hands. “I feel bad for losing my head, too.”

Sai shrugged. “You don’t have to apologize for being human and having feelings, Ino.”

“You’re always so calm and collected, though,” she said, frowning. 

“I’m not,” he said, confused. He was definitely not collected. He didn’t even know where to start, because nothing made sense. Emotions to him were like learning a new language just by looking at the cereal box. He could hardly make sense of them, but every time he picked up a few new words. “I can barely handle small stressors sometimes.”

“Everyone has bad days, Sai—you can’t beat yourself up over one panic attack,” she said, shaking her head. “Are you sure you even like me, Sai?”

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.”

She frowned. “I want you to understand, though, Sai—I’m not some perfect pure angel—ugh. I’m trying to say that if we sleep together—you won’t be my first by any stretch of the word.”

Sai shrugged. “I’m not sure why that would be relevant to my liking you, Ino.”

Ino frowned. “Are you sure that doesn’t bother you?”

“Why would it bother me? You’re you—besides, Tenten says that virginity is a concept created by insecure men,” Sai said, taking a sip of his tea. It still needed a minute. “If anything, you have more of a reason to not want me, since I have no idea what I’m doing.” Naruto had unfortunately given Sai many of ‘the talks’ alongside Lee—the last two people he really had wanted to learn from. He at least knew Naruto was… experienced. He couldn’t say about Lee.

Ino sighed. “Sai—I’m worried that you’ll realize that you don’t actually want me when we get to that point,” she said. “I’m not… great at relationships, and you deserve better.”

Sai frowned. “I don’t know why you think so little of yourself, Ino,” he said, trying his tea again. Now it’d steeped too long, and had gotten bitter. He made a face, pulling the bag out of his cup. “If I got to that point and didn’t want you, I think it would be because I wasn’t ready.”

“What if it’s not, though?”

“Then I guess we’d know if we reached a point where this was a relevant conversation. This is all just speculation because you’re used to people leaving you, isn’t it?”

Ino blinked, and stared, and blinked some more. She frowned, setting her tea down. “What if you realize you don’t like sex?” 

“Then we figure something out,” he said, shrugging. “Naruto and Hinata have worked something out--- and maybe I will like it, I wouldn’t know.”

“You freaked out when Sasuke kissed you, though.”

“I don’t know Sasuke like I know you. I would have freaked out if he hugged me, too—he had just tried to punch me right before that,” Sai said, getting up to refill his cup with water so his tea wouldn’t be so strong. He offered her more water, but she shook her head. “I’m comfortable with you, so I’ll be okay.”

Ino frowned at him. “I don’t want to lose your friendship, Sai, I really don’t,” she said. “As much as I like you—I’ve had a crush on you since we signed our lease, honestly,-- I don’t want you to feel like because I like you that you have to like me.”

“I didn’t know you liked me until you told me.”

She blinked. “I have been flirting with you for months, Sai.”

Sai squinted. “Have you?” 

She sighed in exasperation. “You really didn’t know. You had no clue. Oh, no,” she said, leaning her forehead in her hand. “I worked so hard to get you to notice me, and you never reciprocated so I thought you were gay, and then you said you weren’t, so I just figured you thought I was ugly.”

“You’re beautiful, Ino,” he said, frowning. “I didn’t even know Naruto was flirting with me until he asked if I wanted to sleep with him awhile ago.”

“He _what_?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, I must have forgotten to tell you that,” he said, tilting his head. “I said no, obviously.”

“How did you just ‘forget’ to tell me Naruto asked if you wanted to fuck?”

Sai shrugged. “It wasn’t really a big deal, he was shoving his entire leg in a condom and he asked if I wanted to try out sleeping with a guy, and I said not really, and he shoved his arm in the condom, and then it broke.”

“I’m sorry—what the hell do you two do that Naruto was just—never mind. No, just never mind. I don’t want to know,” Ino said, shaking her head. “I can’t believe he would just ask you like that, he knows you’re my--- uh, I mean, he knows you aren’t gay.”

Sai raised an eyebrow. “I’m your what, exactly?”

“I mean, you’re-- you know… my friend,” she said, rubbing her hands on her jeans. “And you’re my friend that I uh, like a lot, and he knows that.”

“I don’t think he expected me to say yes,” Sai said. “If that makes you feel any better.”

“It does… I still can’t believe he would just ask,” she said, crossing her arms. She sighed, uncrossing her arms and placing her hand on Sai’s shoulder. “I really do like you, Sai, but the idea of dating scares me.”

“Does it scare you because you don’t want to date me?”

“It scares me because I really, really do—and I am so scared that you’ll leave me,” she said, pulling him closer. “I’m trying to come up with every reason you might have to not want to date me, but you apparently thought of everything before I could.”

“I don’t want to brag or anything, but I did spend a really long time thinking about this,” he said, brushing a stray hair out of her face. “Probably a longer time than I’ve ever thought about anything.”

Ino smiled. “I don’t want to rush into things, if that’s okay,” she said, pulling him into a hug. “I’m not… used to relationships and it might take a while for me to really adjust to someone actually liking me back for once.”

“I’m okay with that,” he said. “I’ll do my best to be a good boyfriend, if you’ll have me anyways.”

Ino laughed. “You’re like, I don’t know. A grandmother trying to date.”

He pulled away, blinking in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“You’re so formal.”

“I—I’m sorry,” he said, frowning. “I’ll try not to be.”

Ino shook her head. “It’s fine, it’s just, sometimes I wonder if you’re really just someone’s grandmother reincarnated into a cute guy.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not,” he said, frowning. “I don’t know how to knit.”

“Neji could teach you,” Ino said, tapping her mouth thoughtfully with her finger. “He knit a scarf for Tenten when we were in high school. That was back before they came out and everyone thought they were dating.”

“I… think I’m okay,” he said, shrugging. “But… will you be my girlfriend, Ino?”

Ino glanced away. “Well if you keep giving me those sad puppy eyes, it’s not really fair,” she said. “I can’t say no to that.”

“I don’t want you to feel pressured,” Sai said, frowning. “If you really don’t want to, we can just be friends.”

“No,” Ino said, sighing. Sai felt like a stone sunk into his stomach—he smiled anyways. “I mean, no, I don’t feel pressured—sorry that wasn’t very clear at all, yes I want to be in a relationship with you, Sai.”

Sai blinked. “Really?”

“Yes, really?”

“You’re sure?”

Ino frowned. “Are you… messing with me?”

“I’m not messing with you,” he said. “I’m making sure that you’re sure.”

“I’m sure, Sai.”

“I’m glad,” he said, smiling. He wasn’t sure where the stone went, but he was pretty sure it was gone now—he felt a sense of relief wash over him as Ino smiled back. 

“My dad is definitely going to be mad at me,” Ino said, laughing. “I spent so long telling him I wasn’t dating the painter boy. He was ready to marry me off to you as soon as I gave it to him.”

Sai blinked. “Why would that be—is that normal?”

“No, normally he would hate the idea of anyone so much as looking my way,” she said. “He just wants you to paint more plants for him.”

Sai blinked. “I can paint more plants,” he said. “What plants does he want me to paint?”

“Don’t,” Ino said, laughing. “You’ll create a monster.”

**

“Alright, so, first you take this needle, and you loop the yarn around, and then--- oh, you got it,” Neji smiled as Naruto started to knit. They’d been working on it for awhile now—Naruto had decided he needed to knit Hinata a new scarf, since she had had the same scarf since they were little, apparently, and so Neji had come to teach him—why they insisted on doing so in Sai’s apartment, Sai wasn’t so sure. He supposed it was because Hinata wouldn’t look for them here, since she wasn’t very close to Sai, and Lee wasn’t home. 

At some point, Sasuke had come over too, and watched with as much disinterest as he could possibly muster—it was obvious he wanted to learn, too, if only because Naruto was learning. Sai had made hot chocolate for them all, and for the most part just left them to their doings—he was working on a painting for Temari and Shikamaru’s new house, so he didn’t really have time to fuss with them right now. 

“Hey—what happened? Neji, what did I do?”

“You dropped your stitch because you were too busy showing off,” Sasuke said dryly. “Maybe if you paid more attention, you wouldn’t have so much trouble with this.”

“Well I don’t see you doing it,” Naruto said, huffing. 

“Please stop antagonizing my student,” Neji said, frowning at the two of them. “You know how he gets.”

Sasuke smirked, leaning back against the couch.

“Why are you even here?”

“Sakura is pissing me off. I needed some entertainment.”

“Are you two dating yet, or are you just fighting?” Naruto asked, unwinding his stitches and starting back where he’d dropped the stitch. 

“I don’t know, she irritates me,” he said, sighing. “One day she’s telling me to quit my job and the next she’s telling me to work three jobs so she can have a kid.”

“That is probably the only way to afford a child,” Neji said, shrugging. 

“I’m not the one who wants kids,” he said, throwing his arms up. “She’s not even done with school yet! I keep telling her no kids until she graduates.”

“Maybe she’ll finish early,” Naruto said, grinning up at Sasuke. 

“Maybe I’ll accidentally shoot my dick off,” Sasuke replied. Naruto and Neji both grimaced, shaking their heads. Sasuke sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want kids someday, I just don’t think it’s a good idea right now.”

“Well, it’s not like you aren’t using protection, right?”

“Honestly I don’t even let her near me when she starts talking about kids,” Sasuke said, shaking his head. “I don’t think she’s serious, but I always worry.”

“She’s probably just fucking with you,” Naruto said, shrugging as he started a new row with Neji’s guidance. “Sakura’s pretty funny like that.”

“God I can only hope she’s joking. I don’t want to die this young.”

“Hey how’s it going with you and Ino? It’s been like, months, and you haven’t said anything, Sai.”

Sai blinked. “Things are going well,” he said, dabbing paint on the canvas. “I had dinner with her parents the other day.”

“That’s pretty serious, Sai—have you two, you know…”

“No,” Sai said, switching brushes. “We aren’t in any rush. There’s no reason to be.”

“You aren’t… curious at all?”

Sai turned and stared at Naruto. “What could I be curious about, when you so thoroughly explained everything to me?”

Naruto swallowed loudly, and began to laugh nervously. “Well, you know, me explaining things and actually doing them are way different,” he said, as Neji took hold of his knitting before he messed it up. “Like, I could tell you what it’s like to shove your entire leg into a condom, but unless you do it, you don’t know what it feels like to have your entire leg covered in bad quality lube.”

Sai squinted at Naruto while Sasuke made a noise that wasn’t quite a laugh, but it wasn’t quite gagging, either. 

“Have you two even kissed yet, Sai?”

Sai looked back at his painting, gently dabbing pink petals onto branches. “No, we haven’t yet,” he said.

“How are you two even dating, then? Even Hinata and I kiss.”

Sai blinked. “We do all sorts of things together,” he said, frowning. The ferret needed a little more shading, he decided. “A relationship doesn’t have to be focused on physical intimacy.”

“There’s no reason to rush, I guess, but don’t you worry she only sees you as a friend, Sai?” 

Sai tilted his head. “It’s not something I often consider, no,” he said. He was starting to consider it now, since they seemed so concerned. He supposed he could ask Ino about it later. “Do you think she wants to?”

He could feel the three staring at his back, but he had work to do. “Sai, do you want to kiss her?” Sasuke asked, concerned. He often still expressed feelings of guilt about what he’d done over the holidays, even though Sai had assured him it was fine and hadn’t traumatized him as much as Sasuke seemed to think it had.

“I would like to, I suppose. It just hasn’t been a priority for us,” he said, shrugging. 

“I can’t believe you’ve been dating this long and you still haven’t kissed her,” Naruto said, shaking his head as he knit. “Poor Ino, she probably thinks you don’t really like her.”

“I tell her I like her everyday,” Sai said, confused.

“Okay, but telling and showing are two different things, Sai,” Naruto said, frowning. “Like I can tell Neji I care about him all day, but if I don’t back it up with my actions, like bringing him soup when he’s sick or spending time doing things he likes, he wouldn’t believe me.” 

Sai frowned. “We spend a lot of time together, though.”

“That’s not—okay, so if I were just to tell Neji he was pretty, and that I’d like to have uh. Relations with him, but then I never follow up on that, how do you think he would feel?”

“I’d feel a little miffed,” Neji said, shrugging. “Not as miffed as I’m about to be if you keep waving your hands around, though.”

Naruto smiled apologetically and put his arms back down, continuing to knit. Neji gently directed him to start a new row, and quietly offered a pair of needles to Sasuke along with a ball of yarn. Sasuke stared at him for a minute before accepting them, and Neji showed him what to do, too. 

“So, are you dating Naruto too, then?” Sasuke asked Neji nonchalantly, as Sasuke did whenever he asked something important.

“I guess you could call it dating,” Neji said, shrugging. “Naruto is a very dear friend of mine, who I happen to sleep with.”

“I guess we might as well call it dating,” Naruto said, also shrugging. “If we call it that, though, we should probably figure out how long we’ve been doing this.” 

“It was right after you came back,” Neji said, nodding. “I mean, maybe a couple times before you left, too.”

Naruto nodded. “Yeah, probably a month after Sasuke ran off,” he said, dodging the half-hearted kick Sasuke aimed at him. “But it’s always been more casual than anything.”

Neji smiled. “It’s easier this way, there’s no jealousy or anything.”

“What if Naruto and Hinata have kids?”

“What is it called when your cousin has a kid? First removed, right?”

“Okay, but will you be like, their second dad?”

Neji shrugged. “I don’t think kids really care so long as you love them,” he said. 

Naruto nodded in agreement. “Besides, I think we have a long time before Hinata is ready to have kids.”

“Does Hinata want kids?” Sai asked, frowning. Last he knew, Hinata had no interest in anyone sexually—it seemed like having kids wouldn’t be on her list of goals.

Naruto shrugged. “She says she’d like to have kids someday, but I think it’s the making of the kids that frightens her the most.”

Neji nodded. “She was terrified when her sister came about, so I guess it’s not surprising that she’d be afraid of childbirth.”

“Hinata has a sister?” Sai had never heard of her.

 

**

 

Ino sighed happily, her fingers entwined with his as she looked up at him, smiling. Sai blinked, confused for a second and smiled back, gently squeezing her hand back. It was a nice late spring night—the rain finally let up after what seemed like weeks. It wasn’t quite bug season yet, so the flower gardens were still peaceful. 

Suddenly, Sai remembered, and he looked at Ino, eyes wide. “I forgot to ask you,” he said, stopping her and putting a hand on each shoulder.

“Ask me what?” Ino said, eyes wide in confusion.

“Does it upset you that we haven’t kissed yet?”

Ino stared at him, and then laughed. “That’s all? Sheesh, you had me worried for a second there—I guess I haven’t been too upset about it, or I would have asked you to hurry it up.”

Sai nodded, and went back to holding her hand as they started walking again. “I’m glad you aren’t upset,” he said, before stopping. “Ino?”

“What now?”

He blinked—he hadn’t thought this through at all. He didn’t know what he was doing. He should have just kept walking. He glanced up at the sky, sighing and looking back at her, and then at the bush behind her, and then back at her. Ino glanced at the bush as well, confused by what he was looking at—there was a large spider. She yelped and smacked him for not warning her.

Sai hadn’t really realized it was a spider until she said it—he had mistook it for a twig. He supposed spider made more sense.

“Ino, may I kiss you?”

“In front of the spider?”

He nodded.

“Um, no, how about over by that bush,” she said, glancing at the spider again. “It might jump on us.”

“I don’t think it’s a jumping spider.”

“I don’t care—I don’t want it on me,” she said, tugging Sai behind her. “Okay, this is better.”

Sai stared at her. He didn’t know if that was his cue or if he should just? She looked like she was waiting. He hesitated, panic rising. He didn’t want to miss--- did he close his eyes after he got there, or did he just close them and hope for the best? Did he have to close his eyes, would it be weird to keep them open? He was overthinking this, but he didn’t know. 

“Oh my god,” Ino said, laughing. “Come down here, you dork,” she placed her hands on his face, lowering him slightly and pressed her lips to his. “See? Nothing to be afraid of—it’s just me.”

Sai blinked slowly, smiling and pressing his lips to hers, holding her close to him. She laughed, pulling away and gently resting her forehead against his. 

“You worry too much, Sai,” she said, sighing. “Come on, let’s go home—it’s getting kind of chilly out here.”

Sai nodded, following her. He was glad he had asked—he squinted. “Ino, you have a friend.”

Ino stopped, standing still as stone. “It’s the spider, isn’t it?”

 

**~ _fin_ ~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap, folks, sai's grocery list is finally done, he can finally go to the store u guys
> 
>  
> 
> I may have something new in the works--- I haven't quite mapped it out, but i've put pen to paper and it's going well enough. It's of the same AU-- expect that in a few days or so as a separate fic; it will deal with Gaara who's really only been mentioned briefly in this fic, but I love gaara even when he's faara way
> 
> I could be petitioned into writing a sasu/naru one someday, heck me


End file.
